Driving is a big part of life for literally billions of people.
Some people love to drive, and the open road is their savior.
Other people like to drive because they don’t trust others to drive safely.
And then there are people who refuse to drive or suffer anxiety over having to do it.
That open road can also be dangerous, but most people can’t ignore it forever.
Or can they?
Redditor Randomwhitelady2 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“My kid wants me to drive 3 hours a day taking them to/from work. I said no. AITAH?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My 20-year-old child was offered a job 45 minutes from our house.”
“They have no driver’s license yet, and a car was given to them, but they do not drive due to having no license.”
“They were just offered a job at a location 45 minutes from our house.”
“Taking them to/from work every day would take me 3 hours.”
“I work from home, and I have responsibilities.”
“Also, I just do not want to drive for 3 hours daily.”
“I wouldn’t do that for ANY job.”
“My kid says I should be supportive and drive them, but I am just not going to do it.”
“I told them that this was an unreasonable request, and I’d be willing to do one trip (1.5 hours) only.”
“There isn’t run public transportation here either.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITAH?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Good decision, Randomwhitelady2. “
“You are definitely NTA.”
“Your child has the options of 1) getting a license and…”
“2) applying for jobs accessible via public transport.”
“You already chauffeured them into this world.”
“No need to chauffeur them to their jobs as well.” ~ PhilosophicalWarPig
“For some reason, I highly doubt that you would get reimbursed for gas and wear and tear, much less your time.”
“NTA. In the summer that I was 15 (GenX), I wanted a job so badly.”
“But the nearest grocery store I could get hired at was further than I wanted to ride my bicycle on a busy highway.”
“Maybe 4 miles.”
“I didn’t even have the nerve to ask my mother to drive me there and back.”
“The next Summer, I was 16 and had a full license to drive.”
“The parents let me use one of their cars, and I got a job at Six Flags.”
“It was fantastic, and I’m sure my parents thought that letting me use their car for work would be a good trade-off for having the house to themselves for nine hours a day.”
“I don’t know.”
“There’s a different priority with the last couple of generations.”
“In the early 80’s, I absolutely couldn’t wait to get my license.”
“It was my ticket to freedom.”
“There was no internet and no cell phones.”
“So, in order to discover more about the world, I actually had to go out in it.”
“The set of Encyclopedias would only get me so far.”
“So, perhaps this generation is already so connected that they feel no urgency to drive.” ~ ImaginaryPark6311
“Insurance costs are much higher than when you were a teen.”
“I’m a parent of teens, and a lot of my peers are not encouraging their kids to get licensed because we cannot afford the insurance.”
“My kid got a license as soon as he turned 16. “
“It costs about $400/month to insure him. Just him.”
“My youngest has no desire to drive.”
“Thank God they just finished the light rail by our house.” ~ CalamityClambake
“The entitlement of the child is wild.”
“I’m guessing they have been coddled along the way even to think that’s a reasonable option.”
“OP it sounds like you need to start setting more boundaries to help this child transition into adult life rather than enabling them to stay dependent.” ~ shutyoursmartmouth
“Does your state (or country if outside of the U.S.) require drivers over 18 to hold their provisional license for a specified period of time?”
“In my state, if you are over 18 and have a provisional license, you can immediately take your driver’s test to get your license. There isn’t a waiting period.”
“Obviously, this varies by state/country, but to be honest, I never even considered it until someone I knew got their license this way, and it blew my mind because I thought everyone had to wait six months regardless of age.”
“NTA in any case.”
“You have your own job and responsibilities and cannot waste that much time every day driving them around.”
“It’s different if it’s once in a while, like if their car was in the shop or something.”
“Every day is too much, especially considering you said they didn’t even consult you before applying for the job.” ~ trashgoblin2547
“NTA. unless you gave a car to a kid without a license.”
“If it were 20 minutes away? Give the kid a lift.”
“Get yourself a nice coffee or a breakfast and start the day slow.”
“But 45 each way? Hell no.” ~ Smashy-B
“My kid wrecked my car, and I got a new one that he wasn’t allowed to drive.”
“He got a beater, but it broke down quickly, and it didn’t make a bit of sense for me to pay to fix it.”
“I gave him time and a deadline to find a ride to/from work.”
“It was 45-60 minutes there and back every Saturday and Sunday, meaning about 3-4 hours per day for me to do drop off and pick up.”
“It cost me more in gas than he made.”
“He was SO mad at me for ‘making’ him quit. I really think it took him a long time to stop being mad about it.”
“You have to do hard things sometimes.”
“And it sucks to be seen as the bad guy.”
“NTA though.” ~ ODB247
“NTA for not driving them to work.”
“The bigger issue is it seems you’ve enabled some learned helplessness.”
“Just the fact that your kid thinks it’s reasonable even to ask you to drive them 3 hours round trip speaks volumes.”
“Also, you mention your kid may have anxiety/ procrastination that’s preventing them from getting their license.”
“What are you doing to address this?”
“Might they possibly have undiagnosed A[ttention]-D[eficit]-H[yperactivity] D[isorder] or some neurodivergence?” ~ Ornery-Process
“NTA. The kid needs to get the driver’s license pronto.”
“Take them to the D[epartment] of M[otor] V[ehicles] and have them do their test.”
“Otherwise, they need to learn to plan better.”
“At 20 years of age, they can’t expect their parent to bail them out because of their poor planning.” ~ goldenfingernails
“NTA and based on your responses you have made it way too comfortable to just avoid responsibility.”
“They need to figure out adulting even if it makes them uncomfortable.”
“Make them drive whether they like it or not and don’t do anything for them until they agree to start shouldering some responsibilities.”
“Lemme guess… they’re doing nothing but sticking their face in a screen and living like a perpetual adolescent since graduation two years ago?”
“They need to take over the responsibility of driving.”
“Having their mother do it at 20 is unacceptable.”
“Give them a deadline to begin learning, or the free rides stop.” ~ Inner-Try-1302
“You do not need to be supportive if your child doesn’t care enough to get their own driver’s license.”
“Index cost of Uber both ways and how many hours a child needs to work to pay for an Uber.”
“Give the child a list of driving schools that are being supportive, then explain you are not supporting your child wanting to remain dependent.”
“Though this is your child, this person is an adult and needs to do adult things.” ~ Slightlysanemomof5
“NTA. My son is 18 and refuses to get his license.”
“He asks for a ride to work 5 minutes away, and I still tell him no.”
“He made a slew of bad decisions in his young life, and he’s going to deal with the consequences of that, not me.” ~ AlisonChained
“NTA. Also, is this a thing with the younger generation?”
“Several coworkers have had a similar issue with their kids, jobs/school, and lack of motivation to get their license even with their own vehicle.”
“I don’t know, I just find it odd.” ~ profanesublimity
“They have their own car—which is more ‘support’ than most kids get—and they’ve yet to get their license?”
“What has been stopping them for the last 5 years?”
“NTA. You’re certainly not obligated to make that trip, and it’s extremely entitled of them to expect you to do so.”
“They should probably work on getting their license so they can stop being a drain on you.”
“They’re lucky you’re still supporting them at all, seeing that they’re 20, unemployed, and still living at home.” ~ Zutthole
“One of my kids did the same thing a few years ago.”
“He accepted a job that would have required me to drive him there at the worst time of the day, so about 90 minutes there, then 90 minutes for me to get back home.”
“Going back to pick him up would be about 60 minutes, then another 90 to get home again.”
“That would have been a grand total of 5.5 hours a day, 5 days a week, of me losing my mind in traffic, wear and tear on my car, and my gas, all at no cost to him.”
“I didn’t tell him no.”
“I told him hell no.”
“I made him get a job at the Walmart Neighborhood Market 2.1 miles away from my driveway, telling him he needed to learn how to deal with people first and foremost, and grocery stores are perfect for dealing with every kind of person.”
“Even serial killers have to buy food.”
“He was there for two years, bought a car, and became friendly with several business owners/customers, one of them offering him a job.”
“He’s a plumber now, and he earns far more than he would have ever made at that first job offer.”
“He thanks me all the time now for…”
“A) making him learn how to fold towels…”
“B) teaching him to cook, and…”
“C) making him get a job where he learned to deal with and talk to all kinds of people.”
“I was not TA, and neither are you.” ~ cometshoney
“NTA, it’s around this age we start learning personal responsibility and handling your own s**t.”
“So while I think you should reiterate you are in support of them, for you personally it would be straining and uncomfortable to make the commute and you do not have much capacity for it.”
“This shows them that you are a person, too, and not just Mom.” ~ Niccccc9
“I have a 26-year-old who, due to an anxiety disorder, never learned to drive.”
“He has a license, just won’t use it.”
“He went away to college, then moved 1000 miles from home.”
“There’s no mass transit for him either.”
“He takes an Uber to work.”
“He’s making it work.”
“Where there’s a will there’s a way.”
“Plus, I stopped being a chauffeur when he graduated high school.”
“Good luck!! NTA.” ~ Perfect_Safety15
“NTA. Their lack of planning (in getting a license) is not your emergency.”
“You’re a parent of an adult, not an Uber driver.” ~ mike-foley
“NTA that’s an unreasonable request from anyone.”
“Maybe see if they can find a similar job closer to home.” ~Zealous_moron
OP came back with more information…
“I use the words ‘child’ and ‘kid’ because they are nonbinary, not because I am implying that they are not an adult.”
“They did have a learner’s permit at once and allowed it to expire.”
“They did not want to learn to drive with our cars because we have two stick shift vehicles.”
“They have had a car for 4 months that is not a stick shift.”
“A long-standing anxiety disorder/therapy is ongoing.”
“We moved to the country (not near public transportation) one year ago from a more urban suburb with public transportation.”
“My adult child does currently have a job 20 minutes away, and I spend 1 hour and 20 minutes each day going to/from there.”
“This is due to driving there, going back home (I work from home), then going back later to pick them back up.”
“For everyone telling me that I need to ‘check my math’ or something of that nature: dropping someone off at work (then going home), then picking them up later in the day (I work from home, so this means driving back to get them) is FOUR 45 minute trips, not two.”
“This is a very basic word problem, and the solution is that all of these 45-minute trips equal 3 hours.”
“45 x4=180 minutes.”
OP is with you, Reddit.
It sounds like it’s time for your baby to realize they’re no longer a baby.
They have a car already. It’s time to use it.
The anxiety is unfortunate, so hopefully, therapy will be helpful.
Good luck.