Who gets let off the wedding guest list can be a controversial topic.
This decision can have lifelong repercussions for close relationships.
Family and friend dynamics can be altered forever.
So that’s why it’s good to think long and hard about ‘why’ someone would be left out.
Is it worth the stress?
Redditor DehydratedDolphin wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my best friend he can’t bring his wife to my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
I (29 M[ale]) attended my B[est] F[riend]’s (Josh 29 M) wedding a few years ago as the best man and was denied a plus one even though I had a G[irl]F[riend] (Stacey 28 F[emale]).”
“When Josh and his now wife Amber (30 F) originally got engaged, they invited me to their wedding, and even though I was single, I was given a plus 1.”
“A few months after being invited I told Josh I started dating Stacey and would be bringing her.”
“Now for background, I have known Stacey for about 8 years, and we dated for a few months back in college.”
“I originally met Stacy through Josh since she was a friend of Josh’s ex-girlfriend.”
“But when Josh and his ex broke up, the ex made Stacey decide between dating me or staying friends with her.”
“She was a very toxic person.”
“Stacey chose to keep dating me and, after all these years, has not talked to or been friends with the ex.”
“However, me and Stacey ended up breaking up in college due to her transferring to a new college and neither of us wanting a long-distance relationship.”
“Once Amber found out I started dating Stacey, she had a talk with Josh, which ended with Amber telling Josh I wasn’t allowed to bring Stacey since she used to be friends with Josh’s ex.”
“When Josh broke the news to me, he told me Amber had the final decision, and she doesn’t want Stacey at the wedding.”
“And to add insult Josh told me I still had a plus one still, just can’t be Stacey.”
“Josh told me he didn’t agree with Amber, but he didn’t want to fight with her.”
“After this conversation, I didn’t mention anything to Stacey.”
“Stacey knew the wedding was coming and would occasionally ask me if she was invited.”
“I would tell her I wasn’t sure if I had a plus 1 and kept pushing it off.”
“We still had about 8 months until their wedding so I was hoping going on double dates and hanging out with the 4 of us would warm Amber up to Stacey and change her mind.”
“This didn’t work. Amber never changed her mind.”
“The wedding came around (which was also on Stacey’s birthday), and I reluctantly attended solo as the best man.”
“I told Stacey everything, which really pissed her off.”
“She wasn’t upset with me and understood why I still wanted to attend the wedding, but she still hasn’t forgiven Amber.”
“Fast forward to now, Stacey and I are engaged.”
“The roles are reversed, and Stacey is okay with Josh attending but doesn’t want Amber near our wedding.”
“Both Stacey’s family and my family all know about Stacey not being invited to Josh and Amber’s wedding and why.”
“It’s left a sour taste in everyone’s mouth and neither of our families want Amber to attend.”
“I’m not one for drama and really wish everyone got along especially since Josh has been my best friend since we were kids.”
“But I’m standing by Stacey and Amber will not be invited.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So Reddit, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“NTA. Fair’s fair.”
“If Josh’s (now) wife had the final decision in who got to attend their wedding when they were in the process of planning their wedding, then it’s only fair that your future wife gets to have the final say in who attends your wedding.”
“Plus, like someone else said in the comments, if Josh’s wife dislikes Stacey so much just because she used to be friends with Josh’s ex-girlfriend, then she probably won’t want to attend your wedding anyway.” ~ mpurdey12
“100% chance she expects to be invited.”
“You know the rules don’t apply to women like her, don’t you??”
“She will be a victim when she finds out she’s getting back what she dished out and guaranteed she tries to force her husband to stop being friends with OP.”
“Wait for it.”
“NTA but look to the skies for dramatic fireworks because they are coming! 🤷🏼♀️.” ~ Can-GingerGirl
“NTA, but if Josh has any sense he’ll do what you should have done and RSVP that he won’t attend.” ~ phyrsis
“I wouldn’t invite her either, but Josh’s wife is going to forbid him to come to your wedding, and since he caved before, he’ll probably cave now.”
“You know, because he ‘doesn’t wanna fight with her.'” ~ wordsmythy
“Exactly this.”
“I just replied the same thing in another comment.”
“If OP goes through with not inviting her, Josh won’t be allowed to go and he won’t have the b*lls to stand up to her.”
“Ultimately, even though OP is NTA for reciprocating, this move is going to cost the friendship.”
“Women like Amber will ensure this is the final straw for Josh and OP.”
“They will either have to secretly remain friends or both move on after the wedding unfortunately.” ~ Crankshaft57
“I agree.”
“OP needs to make sure he talks through this scenario with his fiancée and is okay with Josh not coming to the wedding.”
“Additionally, there is a difference here.”
“Amber and Josh are married now whereas Stacey and OP were a newish couple just dating.”
“Now, was OP the AH for going to Josh and Amber’s wedding without his girlfriend at the time specifically because of why Amber wouldn’t allow her to go?”
“I would be on the fence for that one.” ~ JCandle
“This whole section here should be highlighted and further up.”
“OP, Josh isn’t going to be allowed to go, and honestly, your friendship is over.”
“The only reason it’s continued is because Amber got her way with you at the wedding, Stacey was left at home, and YOU were the bigger person.”
‘When the shoe is on the other foot and Josh needs to do what you did, he’s not going to do it.”
“Josh set your friendship aflame back at his wedding.”
“It’ll be your wedding where that flame is going to get big enough to make a friendship hard between the two of you, if not end it all together.” ~ WishingDandelions
“Yep, OP is NTA but needs to be prepared for the eventual outcome that Josh is not coming to the wedding if this is the route OP takes.”
“Unfortunately, I don’t really see a scenario where Josh attends the wedding and Amber doesn’t.”
“It’s one thing for OP to have gone to a wedding without his relatively new girlfriend.”
“It’ll be another thing for Josh to go to a wedding without his wife of several years.”
“He will side with his wife, and it may have repercussions for years to come.”
“My hunch is to tell Amber to take a hike, but it might, might be better longer term to just invite her, sit her at the back of the hall, photoshop her out of the photos, and ignore her.”
“Good luck OP…” ~ jupfold
“NTA, tell him he can have a plus 1, but it can’t be Amber!!” ~ sarcastic-pedant
“You didn’t invite Stacey to your wedding because she was friends with Josh’s ex so unless you had a time machine to change that, you won’t be invited to ours since as it stands, Stacey was still friends with his ex”
“You and Stacey don’t owe Amber an invitation since she can’t behave like an adult.”
“I get it was her wedding and she gets the final say on the guest list but imagine holding something so petty against someone who had no control over who her husband dates.”
‘”I’m not one for drama and really wish everyone got along especially since Josh has been my best friend since we were kids.'”
“Josh obviously didn’t hold the same sentiment since it was his wedding, too, and he wasn’t willing to fight for your friendship.”
“I wonder if he would still turn up to your wedding anyway without Amber.”
“That would definitely tell you where you stand.”
“But seriously though you need to be very clear to Josh and not be one of those people that beat around the bush about telling him and causing arguments between you and Stacey because she feels she has to be the bad guy while you just ‘back her up.'”
“It’s YOUR job to tell him straight and not wait until the invite goes out and he questioned why his invite doesn’t have a plus one then Stacey will probably get the blame for being ‘petty and holding a grudge.'”
“NTA but you would be if you don’t have a word with Josh now.” ~ SweetBekki
“NTA. Tell him before invites, everything you’ve told us.”
“If you want to fix it.”
“Propose double dates so they can become friendly and a chance for Amber can warm up and apologize.”
“You’re likely to lose a friend.” ~ Baustin1345
“NTA, you reap what you sow.”
“So, in this instance, turnaround is fair play.”
“Sounds like you should have this discussion with your friend, and if he doesn’t understand, then it makes him a hypocrite.” ~ Prestigious_Past2701
“NTA. I also think Amber would not expect to be invited anyway if she dislikes Stacey so much.” ~ Interesting-Tip-2962
“NTA. Is the whole tit-for-tat petty, yes, but neither your partner nor either of your families wants Amber there, so in my mind, it’s an easy decision and a consequence of her own actions.” ~ Bean-Penis
“NTA. Be very clear that you are just reciprocating Amber’s very specific hospitality.”
“Although I find it odd she was fine socializing with Stacy prior to the wedding.” ~ phtcmp
“NTA… they opened that can of worms basing their decision off of who Stacey was friends with, not off of something Stacey was actually responsible for.” ~ Urbanyeti0
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your fiancée and your friend’s wife are both being a bit petty.
It’s sad that you guys are caught in the middle.
Maybe the four of you should sit down and have a real heart-to-heart.
Hopefully, the ladies can bury the hatchet.