Life and death.
Both are a struggle.
To be there when one is born and when one dies; both are a gift.
But what if you had to chose?
Case in point…
Redditor Visible_Letter_9093 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for wanting to go somewhere while my wife is almost due?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Now, I fully understand how the title sounds, and I’ve seen posts like this from the wife’s point of view, but please hear me out.”
“My wife is really close to giving birth.”
“And we are both super excited to welcome our baby girl into this world!”
“However, the issue is the fact that my 92 year old grandfather is sick and will most likely pass on in the next week or so.”
“He has been one of the kindest, best , and coolest people I’ve known”
“And he had a huge hand in raising me.”
“So I want to fly over there in a couple of days to say goodbye and attend his funeral.”
“My wife feels that this isn’t as important than seeing the birth of my daughter should she go into labor while I’m gone.”
“And while I know that the birth is extremely important, I really want to say goodbye, and this can’t wait.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NAH. Don’t wait a couple of days.”
“Fly there now, visit with him while he’s still well enough to recognize you, and fly right home.”
“Don’t stay for the funeral.”
“Life is more important than death.”
“You’ve got a baby coming; people will understand (and those that won’t aren’t worth your time).” ~ SamSpayedPI
“You need a contingency plan.”
“Babies do come early (edit: baby could come NOW and would actually not be considered early at all).”
“Your wife has a nonzero chance of serious complications, trauma, and even death during delivery (as does your child).”
“If she goes into labor while you are there, what is the plan for you to safely get back.”
“No, driving as quickly as you think you safely can the five hours back is not a great choice”
“You being in a hospital after a car accident also means not being there.”
“I do think seeing your grandfather is important.”
“But you need to know exactly what to do if things go sideways ahead of time.”
“And your wife needs the reassurance of what the plan is as well.” ~ abishop711
“Dude… due date in two weeks means she is full term pregnant.”
“The due date is an estimate, not an appointment.”
“The baby could come now and that wouldn’t even be early.”
“You should not be going anywhere.”
“And also why don’t you know that, are you not reading books and attending prenatal appointments with your wife?” ~ Temporary_Badger
“OP is stuck between a rock and a hard place.”
“Of course he shouldn’t be going anywhere with his wife so close to giving birth.”
“That’s why he hasn’t planned any trips.”
‘But his Grandfather has become deathly ill.”
“And he needs to see him one last time before he dies, requiring him to travel.”
“He’s stuck with two opposing things he is equally required to do.”
“Here’s the deciding factor for me.”
“If his Grandfather dies and he has stayed home, he will never get the chance to explain to him why.”
“If he leaves and his wife gives birth, he’ll be able to explain to his child why he wasn’t there.”
“He’ll be able to ask for forgiveness from his wife for this.”
“He’ll be able to explain why this was so important to him.”
“Because he won’t have the same opportunity with his grandfather.”
“Obviously this assumes a birth with no complications, I get that.”
“But again, rock and a hard place, this is what I’d decide, not what everyone would.” ~ Highvisvest
“OP has to weigh these risks himself and decide how he can best live with them.”
“I totally get what you’re saying.”
“But if faced with this decision with my Gran, who I think is an analogue in my personal life for what OP is describing.”
“I’d never have been able to live with myself if I hadn’t said a final goodbye to her.”
“I hope neither of us are ever faced with the decision OP has.”
“Have a good one.” ~ Highvisvest
“Given all the flight cancellations and delays this summer, I think traveling is a bad idea, period.”
“It’s very possible he won’t be able to just fly right home because of that.”
“I wish OP would respond to the questions asking where exactly he’s traveling to (if it’s a couple of hours away or many hours away) or how close the birth is.” ~ DaleCoopersWife
OP came back round to chat…
“Edit: Some of you asked when she is due, and that isn’t for around 2 weeks.”
“What I’m thinking of doing now is to take the car this evening (its a 5 hour drive), say goodbye tomorrow and come home in the afternoon.”
“I will zoom for the funeral.”
“You are all right, my wife is the most important person.”
Reddit continued…
“I would agree with this if babies were guaranteed to come on the due date, but they aren’t.”
“She could easily deliver two weeks in advance; it’s not like they have months to go.”
“And it’s not just about witnessing the birth, his wife could have medical complications and need his support.”
“OP is definitely not as terrible as other dudes who have posted similar questions.”
“But I honestly still think he’s TA in this situation.”
“That said, sorry about your grandpa, OP.” ~ TynnyferWithTwoYs
“This 100%.”
“I can see why she’s feels that way (currently 34 weeks 6 days pregnant).”
“I would like to believe your grandfather would like you to be there with your wife for the birth than at his funeral. But NAH.”
“With one exception to you potentially being an AH.”
“If your wife has a high risk pregnancy that could potentially endanger her or the child.”
“I have a high risk pregnancy and so my husband won’t be leaving the general area within 30 minutes or so.”
“Especially since I can’t drive.” ~ nuts_n_bolts
“Sorry, but YTA.”
“I empathize with your situation.”
“I just lost my grandmother. I have also given birth.”
“Your wife needs you for support.”
“It’s not about watching the baby being born, it’s about being there for your wife during a potentially deadly medical event.”
“Given how wonderful your grandfather is, I’m sure he would understand.” ~ fauxrain
“She’ll push a TINY HUMAN out of her vagina (seem like it’s the first on top of that).”
“She’ll be terrified, in pain and will want a person she can trust deeply while facing a long, painful and potentially deadly labor.”
“I get why it’s important to you but, if you grandfather is a kind person, I think he would call you mad to even think to let your wife alone!”
“You should videocall him and ask him how HE feel about that and what HE want.”
“You’re NTA but neither is your wife.”
“Try to put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel if the situation was reversed?”
“It’s not an easy choice, I’m really sad that you’re put in this situation but for me, your wife should always come first.”
“Even more when it’s about the birth of YOUR BABY GIRL!”
“Good luck OP, sincerely.” ~ FrenchieLittleMinx
“It absolutely amazes me how guys really don’t understand what women go through giving birth.”
“I know many guys who want their hand held going in for some small procedure or even going to the dentist.”
“They really don’t comprehend the mother has to grow a person inside them and then have to push it out.”
“The person giving birth should absolutely come first in every decision.”
“There was a cute cat post a few days ago with a pic of the father cat sitting there with his paw on the mother cat in the box after she just had kittens.”
“I made a joke human partners should learn from that cat.”
“No mother in the box and the male cat is just supporting the female.”
OP gave us a wonderful update…
“Edit 2: Hi guys! Thanks for the support on this post.”
“I took today off and started driving to my grandfather’s town around 2 and a half hours ago.”
“My wife is at home with my S[ister] I[n] L[aw] and M[other] I[n] L[aw], and my B[rother] I[n] L[aw] and her best friend live 5 minutes away from her, so she’s fine.”
“She was really happy about this compromise and gave me her go ahead since she knows how close I was to my grandpa.”
“I’m at a rest stop for lunch right now and the plan is to get there around 5 in the evening.”
“Talk to my grandfather and say goodbye to him.”
“Then drive back home and be there around 12 AM!”
“I was actually speaking to my wife and MIL and they said it would be really nice if my grandfather picked out my daughter’s name.”
“As a sort of connection to him for her after he passes on. Thanks!”
Good for you OP and your wife on finding a compromise.
This seems like a nice solution.
Congrats on the baby and sorry about your grandpa.