When couples cohabitate, it’s not always sunshine and roses.
People’s behaviors, moods, and quirks can be a lot to handle.
That’s why they say communication is imperative.
But too often, communication is ignored.
This can lead to tons of turmoil.
Redditor mgmproductionz3208 wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITAH? Told my girlfriend not to use my electric face razor on her vag but she did anyway?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So long story short, in the past my G[irl]F[riend] (me 27, her 26) admitted to using my razor on her coochie.”
“I told her to never do that again and even gave her my old electric one to use.”
“Fast forward to recently, and I found out she used it again.”
“Along with that, I have been telling her for months to stop showering without the fan on or the door open a bit, as it’ll cause water damage over time.”
“Well, at the same time of finding out about the razor, she had made the bathroom walls wet with water again, and I blew up a little bit.”
“She has a hard time taking any criticism and has a hard time admitting fault, so this went over not too great.”
“Now, a week or so later, I was asking where something of mine was and if she possibly used it.”
“Her response was, ‘Why do you always assume I’m using your stuff???’”
“I threw back, ‘Says the person that was asked to not use my razor on her vag yet she did anyway!’”
“Now for the first time, she has decided to go spend the Saturday on her own instead of having me come with her.”
“I’m not worried we’re drifting apart. However, I don’t want these things to keep happening without change.”
“For reference, the ONLY thing we really bicker about is chores and who has done what.”
“I really wish this would stop, but we both keep on keeping track.”
“We have also been together for about a year and 2 months.”
“Any ladies or anyone else out there have any advice on how to get my lady to see my point of view or how to get her to be more reasonable to admitting fault/not being defensive all the time?”
“Thanks.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“NTA. There’s a reason they’re called ‘personal hygiene products.'”
“They’re not meant to be shared.” ~ UteLawyer
“OP needs to ask his girlfriend if she understands why it’s important not to share a razor.”
“OP should also ask his girlfriend if she knows the dangers of mold buildup from having too much water on the bathroom walls.”
“If you want to be lifelong partners with someone, both partners need to understand the importance of maintaining a home.”
“Perhaps there would be fewer fights if his girlfriend fully understood why it’s important not to damage walls and appliances with excess water.” ~ Rusty-Shackleford
“NTA. Dealing with people who can’t admit their faults is exhausting.”
“You need to sit down and have a specific talk about this issue.”
“Say, ‘I just need to know why you keep violating the requests I’ve made of you, which I see as completely reasonable. If you disagree with them being reasonable, I’d really like to know why.’”
“I strongly suspect she’ll use something known as DARVO.”
“It stands for ‘deny, attack, reverse victim and offender.’”
“If she admits to doing it, she’ll minimize the harm.”
“If you press that it bothers you, she’ll bring up things you do that bother her.”
“She’ll probably start in on how you’re being mean.”
“The important thing is to stay on topic- for instance, if she brings up your chores issue, tell her that ‘unless you’re doing it for revenge, the chores have nothing to do with it.’”
“Stay on topic, stay calm, and don’t let it become a fight about every single little thing that happens in your relationship.”
“’If you want to discuss chores, I’m willing to do that after we resolve this issue. I do care about what you have to say, but this IS an issue we need to resolve.'” ~ ulalumelenore
“NTA. Son, why are you with her?”
“She clearly has no respect for you.”
“Let this one go. In time, you will meet someone better.”
“Trust me on this.” ~ OldestCrone
“Honestly, man, you’re at the point of the relationship where you need to sit down and just talk.”
“Show her your point of view and why it makes you feel how you feel.”
“Personally, I don’t care that my girl shaves her downstairs with my razor.”
“You sound like you both have little issues with each other, and I’ve been there, too.”
“One day, just tell her, ‘Hey, tomorrow let’s have a talk about any and everything that might be bothering us so write some things down, ‘ and you do the same.”
“Make a pot of tea and talk it out and remind her you love her but that you’re still your own person with your own feelings.”
“Good luck, boss.”
“NAH, for now.” ~ ooosiedooosie
“NTA. That’s gross, and she’s disregarding your boundaries and rules.” ~ zlirp_
“I think you start by not blowing up.”
“Unfortunately, that’s just going to make it worse.”
“She’s going to be defensive if you are combative.”
“But that sounds like it’s also its own problem, so bring that up separately.”
“Just have a calm conversation.”
“Ask her if she feels the same way that you do: that she can’t handle criticism and doesn’t accept fault.”
“Ask her what she thinks you should do.”
“Does she really believe you should just accept her and ignore it?”
“Probably not.”
“But by the end of this conversation, you should have a pretty good lead on whether the relationship is done for.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA: Those are very simple, reasonable requests.” ~ TheMildWildOne
“Takes your stuff when you ask her not to, won’t apologize and throws crap in your face.”
“That’s not healthy behavior. NTA.” ~ JurassicParkFood
“NTA. I would NEVER use someone else’s razors.”
“Just in general.”
“But especially for that, that’s just ick.” ~ ShadowSaiph
“NTA, but she’s already been asked and do it anyhow.”
“In the big scope of things, you guys haven’t been together that long.”
“I would sit down and have a conversation with what you expect, and if she is not willing to do that, then it’s time to simply move on.”
“You don’t want your entire relationship to be resentment over having to tell her how you want things when she sees nothing wrong with how she’s currently doing them.” ~ United-Manner20
“She’s just an ar**hole.”
“She should have stopped when you told her to stop it, but she didn’t. I couldn’t imagine ever using a partner’s trimmer or anything to groom my genitals.”
“It’s not ok, it’s disrespectful AF.”
“I’d be livid if a man used my razor to groom his genitals.”
“It’s the sort of thing you ask permission for.”
“I’m aware some people see no problems with that scenario, but only after they get consent.” ~ HungryTeap0t
“NTA – I’m a woman, and I would never use the same razor on my face if I used it on my intimate area.” ~ LonelyMenace101
“NTA. You’re allowed (and it’s healthy) to have personal boundaries in a relationship, especially when you share a living space and need some things that are just yours.”
“Regarding the chores, there are a couple of good free apps for that.”
“You can list repeat chores, pick frequency and ‘assign’ them back and forth.”
“Easy to use and helpful in both accountability and making sure stuff doesn’t get lost when life is hectic.” ~ D4m3Noir
“I had a roommate in college who would do stuff like this to the guys she dated in order to make herself feel like she was dominating them.”
“That by humiliating them a little bit on something really personal that they wouldn’t want to complain to their guy friends about, she had this upper hand in the relationship.”
“Needless to say, this was one in a multitude of personal flaws where she would do the wrong thing on purpose.”
“NTA. And cut this fishy loose.”
“You’re better off looking for another one.” ~ wehave3bjz
“NTA gross. Doing it in the first place is nasty.”
“Doing it again after you addressed it and provided an alternative is a violation.”
“How are you supposed to trust somebody that willingly puts what they want will above your boundaries?”
“Imagine that in any other scenario that’s important.”
“Oh, honey, I don’t want to remodel the kitchen… ones home to construction people tearing apart the house.”
“It’s a pattern of behavior she’s not willing to take responsibility for.”
“It’s a choice.”
“You can continue to call her out.”
“Make your boundaries clear.”
“There’s a small chance she’ll come around.”
“I’m personally not a fan of parenting partners.” ~ blackcatspyra
“NTA. Start using her things that you know she will not want you to touch.”
“Maybe do some water coloring with her makeup?”
“She’ll get the point fast.” ~ RUobiekabie
“NTA. If she doesn’t respect you enough to follow some very basic requests, you’ve got bigger issues to address.”
“Personally, I couldn’t deal with someone who can’t take accountability and plays the victim.”
“I grew up with a parent like that and had a strained relationship because of it.” ~ yramt
“NTA, she doesn’t respect you.” ~ Foreign-Onion-3112
“NTA. I know Reddit is famous for saying ‘Break up’ all the time, but I think you need to take a step back and evaluate your relationship as a whole.”
“What she’s doing is not only disrespectful- on purpose- but absolutely disgusting.” ~ starry_nite99
“NTA on the razor thing (assuming you are correct that she used it again).”
“She can get a Gillette battery-operated razor with a trimmer that can live in the shower and be there when she needs it.”
“I would argue about the shower fan/door, though.”
“I like a hot steamy shower and don’t like to run the fan during. I throw open the door and hit the fan right afterward, though.”
“I had lived in several apartments over the years and have owned two homes now, and I’ve never seen long-term water damage from condensation.”
“Not if you have used the correct wall finishes to withstand moisture.”
“I get that it’s your place, so I guess you can make the rules for now, but this seems like a needless battle.” ~ Major_Specific127
“NTA for your issue.”
“But you two need to learn to communicate better.”
“Throwing old issues back in each other’s face while having another issue is never going to end well in the long run.”
“You say you are not scared to drift apart, but if she spends Saturday on her own instead of together, while she never done that, I’m not sure about that.”
“And seriously, dude, be the first one to stop keeping track of how many issues you both have/cause.”
“It’s not healthy for your relationship, and it will only lead to resentment and bigger annoyances in the future.”
“A relationship is not about who f**ked up more often than the other.”
“It doesn’t bring anything good to a relationship.”
“Focus on the positives and spend less time arguing on the negatives.”
“And if you two do have an issue to work out, focus on that and try to solve it.” ~ MrSlackPants
“NTA, that would be like using her face towel to dry off your junk.”
“That is disgusting, this is disgusting.”
“What the heck is wrong with her?” ~ Fntsyking655
“NTA. How would she like it if you used her eyebrow tweezers to groom your pubes?”
“That would be worse because those tweezers are close enough to the eye to cause an infection.”
“My husband and I never share personal hygiene items because they are for our own use.”
“There are items you just don’t share.” ~ IndependentRace5
“NTA- but the reality here is that by her choosing to ignore you, she’s letting you know that she doesn’t respect your boundaries.”
“The reality is she’s showing you who she is; believe her the first time.”
“And personally, someone who doesn’t respect you in a relationship.”
“It’s only going to get worse as time goes by.” ~ Roadgoddess
“This relationship sounds exhausting, and she is a child.”
“Don’t expect her to show you respect.”
“She doesn’t seem to care.” ~ Basset_Momma
“NTA. I had the same conversation about my face razor and legs.”
“A couple leg shaves can take months off my face razor’s blade.
“She got her own razor.” ~RaxisPhasmatis
“NTA. You set a boundary, and she got upset when you reinforced it.” ~ stabbygrl
“NTA, your girlfriend is nasty.” ~ Rolling_Beardo
Reddit has sympathy for you, OP.
This is unhygienic and disrespectful behavior.
Your girlfriend is crossing all sorts of boundaries.
It may be time for a serious sit-down about everything.
If you don’t confront these matters head-on, they will only get worse.
Good luck.