Having a past is an inescapable part of life.
Sometimes, the past, present, and future blend together.
This doesn’t always have to be a problem.
But when there are unsettled issues from the past fermenting, it can cause all sorts of chaos.
Which is never good at a wedding!
Redditor Frosty-Inspector-146 found herself in a personal dilemma regarding her friend, her fiancé, and the upcoming wedding, so she turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
“AITAH for uninviting my friend from my wedding because I ‘took her man?'”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (25 F[emale]) work with a friend (28 F).”
“Years ago, she dated a guy for about 6 months.”
“I had only ever seen a few pictures of him and had never met him, so I didn’t think anything of it.”
“Over a year after they split, I met him at a local honky tonk.”
“I didn’t know that my fiancé was the guy in the photos that she showed me until he met some of my friends, and obviously they recognized each other.”
“When we started dating, she actually had a conversation with me about it and said it wasn’t a big deal and that she didn’t care.”
“I genuinely forgot about that conversation and that they had any history.”
“We eventually fell in love and got engaged.”
“While planning the wedding, I found out that she had been telling her friend group a dramatized version of events, saying that I ‘stole her man’ and accusing me of dating him on purpose because I’m jealous of her.”
“She made it clear she thinks I’m in the wrong for marrying him.”
“Because of this, I decided to uninvite her from the wedding.”
“When I told her, she reacted angrily and said I was wrong for marrying her ex, that I had ‘ruined everything’ and that it was disrespectful to her.”
“Because of her sh*t-talking, it’s made a few of our mutual friends become distant with me, and one said I shouldn’t have uninvited her.”
“I feel like her ongoing narrative was disrespectful and would have ruined the day.”
“I’m really confused.”
“I don’t mean to make my friend feel bad, but why not let me know at the start that you weren’t okay with it?”
“This whole situation has left me feeling really guilty and awful.”
“I feel like I’m wrong because I broke ‘girl code.'”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITAH?”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
“NTA… sounds like her jealousy is eating her alive.”
“You don’t need that kind of negativity at your wedding or around you.”
“If anyone says anything, laugh and say oh but did she tell you they’d broken up for a year before I even met him?!”
“Then change the subject.”
“Have a lovely wedding and a very happy marriage.” ~ HereComesTheSun000
“That’s great advice.”
“OP should definitely treat it like the small deal it actually is.”
“There’s no need to buy into her friend’s (hopefully ex-friend’s) drama.”
“In fact, I’d lay odds that this isn’t the first time she’s twisted the truth to make herself the poor little victim, isn’t it, OP?”
“Just to put it in perspective.”
“The best case scenario is that the ex-friend needs a shrink.”
“Not only did she still have unresolved feelings for this man a year or more after they split up (from a 6-month relationship), but she lied about it to you when you asked for her blessing.”
“Then went on to either lie to your mutual friends for some or all of the time you dated.”
“Then she, or all, or some of them, hid the truth from you for years until after you’d planned the wedding.”
“Next time one of your mutuals hassles you about it.”
“I’d ask them a question… ‘I almost wish she’d told me her feelings at the start, when we first discussed it.'”
“‘Or at least before we fell in love.'”
“‘Nobody told me.'”
“‘When did she tell you she still loved XXX?'”
“This should make them stop and realize that this isn’t your fault.”
“Whether she’s only making the drama now, or from the beginning, you never knew.”
“It’s bananas to think anything about the marriage of two people in love should entertain this BS in any way.”
“I hope you have a long and happy marriage, OP.”
“As I said, your friend’s feelings aren’t about you, and if she hasn’t resolved them by now, she needs to see a shrink. I’d dump her as a friend, either way.”
“And I’d be looking askance at any of my friends that entertain this bullsh*t too long.” ~ Muted_Reference_1780
“Chile, she dated the guy for six months, but is acting like they were in a long-term relationship for 10 years and you were the affair partner she didn’t know about 😂😂😂.” ~ Positive_Ad4207
“They had already broken up before you started dating.”
“She did not have a chance with him.”
“What, so no one is to date this guy?”
“The way she acted makes you understand why they did not work out.”
“Who cares what other people think?”
“You did nothing wrong here.”
“And if other people listen to her, that is on them to make up their own minds.”
“Let them go too if they don’t want to be your friend or come to your wedding.”
“1000% you should have uninvited her to the wedding after what she has said and done.”
“Make sure you have some family or security on hand with a pic of her to let them know if she shows up to keep her out.”
“She will make a scene.”
“Poor thing.”
“Friends come and go.”
“Make new ones and live your life happy with your new man.”
“Never trust this girl; she may play nice to get back around you both and then stir more stuff up.”
“Kind of Psycho.” ~ bia834
“NTA. Weddings are too expensive to pay for people who want to stir up drama.”
“They dated for 6 months years ago, and she isn’t over it for whatever reason.”
“That’s her issue to sort out, not yours.” ~ SubjectSheepherder55
“Don’t be confused.”
“It’s not that complicated.”
“She re-wrote history because she’s not the one getting married.”
“You are, and she’s jealous.”
“It’s not really about him.”
“Of course, you’re not going to invite his old gf who’s talking badly about you, lying about you, and trying to turn your friends against you.”
“You should wonder about the motives of anyone telling you that you shouldn’t have uninvited her.”
“They may not be your real friends.” ~ Evening_Delay_1856
“NTA. She is changing the story so people will feel bad for her and make you look bad.”
“Why the hell would she want to go to your wedding if you stole her man?”
“Also, start uninviting anyone who is siding with her.”
“They don’t deserve to be part of your special day either.” ~ BostonRae
“NTA. Everyone’s immaturity is showing.”
“She isn’t your friend.”
“Your friendships are personal, and you don’t owe the group to invite someone who clearly doesn’t like you to your wedding.”
“If your other friends are being cold, you need to sit them down individually and have conversations.”
“It might be time to trim the fat and start prioritizing real friends, not just people who are in a group.” ~ l3ex_G
“NTA. You didn’t kidnap him.”
“He has free will and can make his own decisions.”
“He chose to be with you, not her.”
“Your wedding is no time for drama.”
“She had her chance years ago, and it didn’t work out.” ~ Vandreeson
“I want to say, not in response to your post but in general to address several comments, that six months can be a big deal in a relationship.”
“You can meet families, fall in love, get your heart shattered.”
“It’s a lot of days and nights.”
“With a very close friend, I’d view her ex of six months as off limits in many cases.”
“There’s so much nuance, like how it ended, etc.”
“But I would owe my friend some kind of conversation before knowingly starting to date her ex.”
“If the ex had really hurt her, it gets worse, and I may need to choose between the guy and the friend.”
“Keywords: Very close friend. Knowingly.”
“NTA. Congrats.” ~ CrazyContradictions
“She’s gossiping behind your back with lies.”
“What a horrible person.”
“You want people at your wedding who want to celebrate your love for each other.”
“That’s not her.”
“And anyone who is swayed by her nasty attitude can also be uninvited.”
“The day isn’t about them or her.”
“It’s about you.” ~ Sharontoo
“NTA. That isn’t a friend.”
“She gave you a pass initially when you owned up to it, then she turns into a jealous ex over a 6-month relationship.”
“Just wow.”
“Anyone else give you trouble without listening to your side isn’t your friend either.”
“Hope you have a great wedding!” ~ elohra_2013
“NTA. She’s mad about being uninvited because she can’t make a scene at your wedding.”
“His failure to handle her emotions is her problem. “
“She is not your friend.”
“She is not going to be your friend in the future.”
“She is going to do everything she can to destroy you for marrying ‘her man.'”
“You may need to get a new job.” ~ Sensitive_Note1139
“NTA, she’s an ex, so she doesn’t need to be invited anyway, especially if she’s lying about you.”
“You don’t need some scumbag to show up wearing white.”
“If she wasn’t a liar and was a good friend, it’d be one thing, but you don’t want trash at a formal event.” ~ neverdiequasiwarrior
“NTA. You didn’t even truly know it was him until later, and they only dated for a few months.”
“Their history doesn’t matter at all.”
“And even if it did, she should’ve told you that BEFORE.”
“Keep your distance from her and any ‘friend’ who is distancing from you over this.”
“It’s not worth the drama; this day should be a happy day for you.” ~ via_aesthetic
Reddit is with you, OP.
Stay far away from this woman.
Your true friends will show themselves.
The rest can also exit.
Good Luck.