Having to constantly rely on others can be a very slippery slope.
Most of the time, there is always someone who is willing to help you and doesn't see anything wrong in doing so.
What they might not be aware of is that always being at someone's beck and call can result in their being something of a crutch and can be very problematic when this individual is forced to deal with something all on their own.
A recent Redditor and their work colleague were selected to participate in a conference, where the accommodation did not come cheap.
On the day booking opened, the original poster (OP) was asked by this colleague to help them book their room, which the OP was unable to do.
As a result, the OP's colleague found themselves spending far more money than they had planned and placed the blame for this solely on the OP.
Wondering if they truly were the one at fault, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for allegedly causing my coworker to lose out on $4,000?"
The OP explained why their colleague blamed them for the larger-than-expected price tag the conference wound up costing them.
"My coworker and I have been chosen to attend a work-sponsored international conference at the end of the year."
"As the conference has 1100+ attendees, the workshops and discounted hotel rooms fill up/sell out pretty quickly."
"I've been monitoring the conference website daily and even shared the site with my coworker."
"On the day the registration opened/discounted hotel rooms became available, I texted my coworker early in the morning to give a heads up."
"My coworker replied to my text asking if I could book him a room, to which I replied I couldn't because the hotel required a lot of info that I didn't have."
"When I got into work, he was visibly upset."
"He showed me a printed invoice for a hotel room that he had booked on a third-party travel site that added up to $4,000 and was non-refundable (the discounted price I paid was around $1800)."
"In addition, he had the conference website open and was complaining that the link to the discounted hotel rate was not visible."
"I was in shock as this coworker prides himself on being the least impulsive/fiscally responsible person in the office."
"I didn't want to upset him further, so I offered to help him look up the cancellation policies for the booking company."
"He became increasingly upset, and finally, I asked if he wanted me just to leave him be to figure it out."
"He raised his voice, 'Yeah, leave me alone!'"
"Later on in the day, I attempted to check in on him, to which he ignored me."
"When I went to turn in my travel info to our boss, my boss mentioned that my coworker had canceled his reservation with the booking site and was waiting to see how much he could recuperate."
"It's been three days, and today I confronted my coworker to talk about what happened."
"He angrily replied, 'If you aren't going to help me to get my $4,000 back, we have nothing to talk about'."
"I was in disbelief as it sounded like he is blaming me for his actions."
"I feel really bad for him possibly losing out on this much money but AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for their colleague spending $4k on their hotel room.
Everyone agreed that the OP did nothing wrong, and it seemed like their colleague was just looking for someone to blame for his own mistakes.
"NTA."
"Why didn't he just do what you did and book it himself?"
"You were nice enough to give him a heads up."- Little-Martha31204
"NTA."
"You're not responsible for his poor decision-making."
"He had access to all the same information as you, and you even pointed him in the right direction."
"Why he chose to book through someone else or try and blame you for his apparent impatience is beyond me."
"NTA."- Binge_Gaming
"Time to have a meeting with your supervisor."
"Screenshot and print the text exchange and present it to your manager."
"He/she/they need to deal with your coworker."
"Tell them exactly what has occurred since the site went live."
"Your coworker's inability to book a room in a discounted block is NOT your fault or issue."
"NTA."
"And if it continues, you need to go to HR."- Beck2010
"NTA."
"Your co-worker is a child."
"Exactly ZERO parts of this are your doing or fault."
"This is 100% their doing and their mess to either clean up or live with."- 1u53r3dd1t
"NTA."
"Come on."
"You researched well in advance."
"You found something."
"Instead of keeping it yourself, you shared the link and messaged when it opened."
"That itself is above and beyond."
"You couldn't book for his cause of details."
"He isn't your responsibility."
"He needs to take accountability for his own actions instead of blaming you."- phoenix_ekawa
"NTA."
"Come on."
"You researched well in advance."
"You found something. Instead of keeping it to yourself, you shared the link and messaged when it opened."
"That itself is above and beyond."
"You couldn't book for his cause of details."
"He isn't your responsibility."
"He needs to take accountability for his own actions instead of blaming you."- phoenix_ekawa
"NTA, he is the AH though."
"There was no way for you to reserve his room for them."
"They should know that."
"You gave him heads up, and he failed/could not do it."
"Not your bad at all."
"He needs to grow up and stop acting like a child."- drownigfishy
"NTA, it sounds like your coworker is upset about what happened, but really it's their own fault."
"I would just give this person some space and see how they're feeling in the future."-ShowMeYourWifesA**
"NTA."
"You're not his travel agent."
"You already did him a favor by telling him that the site had opened; you didn't have to do that."-Individual_Ad_9213
"NTA."
"Your coworker is projecting on you."
"Seems like because they made a mistake, they are trying to pass the blame on a semi-sub-conscious level and you seem to be the easy target at the moment."- Maleficent_Owl9248
"NTA, and I would drop the topic from now on - as others have said, this is all on him, and I don't understand why you're feeling bad about his poor decisions."- fruskydekke
"Why would you need to help him negotiate reimbursement from your common employer?"
"Are you his mother or his assistant?"
"Not your problem."
"NTA."- lessa_flux
"NTA unless you gave him the 3rd party link, but it sounds like you didn't."
"He's a grown man. He can figure this out."
"You did nothing wrong."- pange_the_adventurer
"NTA."
"He lost that money himself."
"Did you force him to use a 3rd party site?"
"Did you tell him to book it right away?"
"Did you tell him not to research anything?"
"No?"
"Then stop beating yourself up for something you didn't cause and had no control over."-Altruistic_Isopod_11
"NTA."
"I'm really confused as to why this is your problem."
"Unless you were assigned to book people's reservations, this is not your problem specifically."
"I have never been on a work trip that wasn't booked and paid for by my company."
"Then again, I haven't been on many of those, so maybe my situation is the rare one?"-NewZookeepergame9808
"NTA and I don't even understand his argument about HOW you lost him 4k."
"He asked you to book him a room. You said you couldn't."
"You gave him a link."
"Theoretically, what did he want you to do?"
"I'm almost certain he is mad at himself but taking it out on an easy target."
"Leave him alone."- Huge_Put8244
"NTA."
"But also, stop checking in on him."
"It's not your responsibility, and by constantly checking in, you assume some responsibility, at least via perception."
"He's a big boy. he can do it himself."- hazelowl
"NTA, you texted him in the AM to book his reservation."
"After that, it's not your problem."
"He's a grown adult acting like a child."- PHARTBOI
"NTA unless booking his room is part of your work responsibilities."- Theodora1976
"NTA, but leave him alone and stop checking on him."
"He clearly doesn't want your help."- Independent-Oil5695
"NTA, but I'm curious about how you wrote this."
"You said you were 'chosen' to attend this event."
"Is it mandatory?"
"And if so, why are the two of you paying out of pocket to attend this?"
"Your employer should be footing the bill for this if that's the case."- North_Comb9994
It's hard to see how the OP's colleague could possibly think they were the one to blame.
As it seemed to be their lack of tech-savvy and attention to detail that landed them in this mess.
One only hopes they will be able to get some of their money back, and they might be a little more careful with these matters going forward.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.