Redditor thislovelylove has a 26-year-old sister with whom she has become estranged since their parents got divorced when they were younger.
Recently, however, the sister announced she was getting married and invited our Redditor over to where she lives so the sister could share her remaining days as a single woman.
Because our Redditor admitted to being “really lonely,” she obliged and went over under the condition she would not see her father–who remains close to the sister.
When things quickly went south after they started discussing the wedding, the Redditor visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for telling my sister her wedding is none of my concern”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister left me and my mother during my parents’ divorce when she was around 15. Neither my father or her helped us when my mother was very ill so in my books they are strangers.”
“My sister came to the funeral but I had to arrange everything and she didn’t even stay the night with me. She had been in contact with our mother once or twice a year other than holidays.”
“When my mom was alive she sent her presents and tried to make amends with her but it was all in vain. Once she got very ill, she told me she forgives her but she is very upset that she never even visited or said anything nice about her being ill, even though she knew.”
“She left my sister some money but most of it went to me. I think this is fair because I was the only one that stuck with her and took care of her.”
“My sister called me a few weeks ago to tell me that she was getting married, I didn’t even know she was engaged, and she wanted me to come to where she lives so we can spend her last few single weeks together.”
“I went last week because I am really lonely and I would love to be close to my family. She promised I would not have to see my father while I was there because I am angry at him about recent and previous events.”
“I went there and she had prepared me a room, which I thought was really nice. But three days ago my father dropped in and he tried to have a conversation with me about how my mother was suffocating him and he had no responsibility towards her and I should just put the past behind.”
“I was obviously quite angry but I just ignored it because my sister and I were having a nice time together. Then yesterday she told me she used what our mother has left her for wedding and honeymoon expenses but she was yet to pay for her dress and the caterer she was out of money.”
“She took me to a fitting to show me the dress, an extremely expensive dress and the catering is for 200 people. All of it comes to an insane amount of money. I told her I could afford it but I wasn’t sure because it is a lot of money and she could get help from someone else.”
“She got annoyed at me and told me I have to do this because our mother’s money is both our money and if she knew she wanted all of this, she would have given her more than the miserable amount of money she left her.”
“I told her the money she left was fair considering they hadn’t seen each other in about 11 years and she owed nothing to her, that she could have left her no money and it would he fair.”
“She called my mother a sensitive b*tch and told me she should have just gotten over it.”
“Yeah, no, I told her I don’t give a sh*t about her wedding and I will not pay a single dime for that occasion.”
“She started yelling like mad and told me I am being unfair and siding with a dead woman who cannot get over the past.”
“I left there, gathered my stuff and now I’m at a hotel, waiting to go home tomorrow.”
“I know my mother was right about what she left but am I in the wrong for not giving the money?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole here.
“NTA. Your sister is not interested in reconnecting with you, relationship wise. She wants you to fund her wedding. Nothing more or less.”
“How she treated your mother, how your mother responded and all of that means nothing to her. She sees only the lack of funds to have the wedding she wants and your ability to pay for it.”
“If she had enough money to pay for the wedding on her own, she’d have never reached out to you.”
“Run, don’t walk, to the No Contact zone.” – Infamous-Wasabi-9007
“NTA.”
“1. Your sister did not invite you to reconcile… she wanted to please her Dad and get wedding money.”
“2. You are responsible for setting your own boundaries. And I think your sister crossed a lot of them.”
“3. After what she said, there was no way in which you can honor your own mother AND pay for anything wedding-related. Your sister nuked the situation beyond repair.” – GrassTerrible5262
“NTA. I am sorry for your loss, but that money is not your mother’s money. It is your money.”
“Your sister lied to you to get you to come out to visit so she could butter you up, blindside you with an unwanted visit from your dad, and manipulate you into giving her money for a wedding to a man that I’m assuming you haven’t even met.”
“Like, are you even invited to this wedding (it doesn’t matter if you are, you still don’t owe her money).”
“She knew the budget she had for the wedding, if you ask me she had always planned on overspending and manipulating you into giving her more.” – coppeliuseyes
“NTA. Your sister manipulated you into coming out. You ensured you wouldnt have to see your father and yet he showed up. She took you to see the expensive wedding dress and then asked you to pay. Sorry that is narcissistic and manipulative. She proved it by yelling at you when you said no.”
“You know what you do when you dont have enough money to buy a super expensive wedding dress? You buy a cheaper one that fits in your budget. Same thing with the caterer.”
“And if she is less than 2 weeks away from the wedding she has already put a 50% down payment on the caterer and more than likely paid them in full unless she made other arrangements. But most wedding businesses dont get paid after the fact. Its all up front.”
“DO NOT GIVE HER ANY MONEY.”
“NTA. OP, what would your mother think of you throwing the money into a useless prospect like your sister’s wedding? Dollars to donuts, you’d be ghosted after the day is done.”
“Your sister is also quite the lousy person for manipulating the visit to make it feel like a family reunion when the intent was to pick your pocket.”
“Your mother left that money for you. If she wanted to fund your sister’s future, she would have left more to her. IMO, it would be a gesture of disrespect to your mom.” – ChinSpin_1986
“NTA – she only called you there to make you pay for her wedding, which is a pretty sh**ty thing to do.”
“I’m a little like her, I went NC/LC with virtually all my family members, including mother and siblings, and it helped, but not in a million years would I ever even think on contacting them back to ask for money for a party.”
“You just don’t do this, unless idk, it was a last resort before going homeles or something like this. But for a party? And to demand you to give your money to her? Awful. Just cut contact with her until she at least apologizes.” – ilus3n
“NTA – your sister is using you for the money. I’d bet as soon as her weddings over you’d never hear from her again… unless she wanted more money later. Walk away, give her nothing, look for healthier and happier socializing elsewhere.” – corticalization
“NTA. She doesn’t want a relationship with her sister obviously, since she has to badmouth your mother who passed away. How entitled is this person?!”
“Don’t get me started on your dad. UGH. So sorry you have to deal with these toxic people.” – Quirky_Crazy_5773
“NTA. Cut your sister out of your life. She didn’t care about your mom; she doesn’t care about you.” – Francie1966
Overall, Redditors encouraged the OP not to shell out any money to help finance the sister’s wedding expenses.
The OP also emphasized that although they were invited to the wedding, they declined to attend–especially after the fiancé was not “very warm” to them upon meeting each other.