Most people know about cyber security with strangers and in the workplace. But they might forget about protecting their online identity during longterm romantic relationships.
A good rule after ending a relationship is to change all passwords and any other information that was once shared, like credit card numbers and bank accounts.
A woman who found out about post-breakup cyber security firsthand turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Right-Welcome-9899 asked:
"AITA if I cancel a flight my ex booked under my United Airlines account?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My ex (26, female) logged into my (26, female) United Airlines account and booked a flight… the flight is in 2 days should I cancel it?"
"Any other way she could’ve booked the flight. It’s under her name and receipt sent to her email… she logged into my account.
"My now girlfriend (31, female) of 4 months is insisting I cancel it. My ex terrorized me a few times in the last few months, so I think my girlfriend is fed up with the random stuff."
"Ex has stalked me for months now! She was very toxic and abusive."
"Let me make this clear. My ex was never logged in on her phone, that had never happened. She had my mileage # and knows a commonly used password."
"I understand I should change all passwords regularly. That was my fault. On the app it says my name BOLDLY at the top. So I don't know how this was a mistake."
"Ex has sent unsolicited packages to my place, texted me on countless new numbers for months now."
"I understand canceling will bring unwanted attention. It’s just frustrating it’s been a year and it’s something new every month."
Redditors weighed in using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP would not be the a**hole, but might want to consider if it's worth the blowback.
"NTA for wanting to protect your account, but I wouldn’t cancel the flight without thinking through the consequences. Since the ticket is in her name and was sent to her email, the bigger issue is that she accessed your account without permission."
"Change your password, sign out other devices, and contact United to explain the situation. You don’t need to keep giving your ex access just to avoid conflict." ~ Chemical_Hospital348
"Exactly,that would be a very satisfying little bit of revenge. But if she’s already logging into his account, I’d honestly focus more on locking everything down than given her another reason to come back." ~ myrvantis
"I’d like to make a counter offer…. What if you were to only cancel the 'return'? I mean, what better way to get rid of someone you’ve accused of stalking you." ~ Honeyhwhite
"Just change your password and ignore that she has booked a flight if you think it is a ploy to get you to contact her. She'd no longer have access once the password is changed."
"It could have just automatic logged her in because she had used the account before and it was saved. One of the reasons not to just have your account saved where it auto fills information for you."
"Also why you should regularly change your passwords." ~ CallingThatBS
"Normally ignoring a stalker is the best route, but giving her free access to OP's airline account is risky. If it's linked to OP's saved payments, miles, or personal info, leaving that booking active lets her stay connected to OP's life. Canceling it shuts that door down completely." ~ Tanmijelky
"It’s totally weird, but by cancelling or impacting their travel, you’re going to deal with your ex more than if you do nothing. Again, protect your account, change your passwords, and build the boundaries you need to."
"So reading other comments, booking the flight isn’t the issue, it’s the ability to contact or maintain a relationship with you, which you don’t want to have."
"Sounds like you already changed your password, they paid for the flight, and it’s under their name, essentially meaning, this won’t impact you directly moving forward."
"I think cancelling the flight would just create drama. Make sure they can’t access your account from here on out and don’t engage further." ~ InformationLeast5607
"If she’s truly stalking you, cancelling the flight it the wrong play. Stalkers want attention and to create drama. Canceling the flight gives her both plus a reason (in her mind) to call you and ask if you canceled it."
"Your best course of action is to not react. Don’t play into the drama."
"I get the frustration- I’ve been stalked and it’s exhausting. Because she used your own account to do this, and if she’s done anything else online to stalk or harass you, you can file an IC3 form with the FBI to document cyber stalking without going all the way to restraining order (as they can be hard to get.)" ~ ms_sinn
"Hey, if no one has mentioned it yet, you should read the book 'The Gift of Fear'. It includes good advice about stalkers and you are right to take the situation seriously. As in, changing all of your passwords to anything that hasn’t been changed since she started stalking you and not responding to her goading with giving her attention."
"I hope you can get free of this someday and you have my sympathy here. The National Domestic Violence hotline could be helpful too: thehotline.org." ~ Whatnot1785
"How long ago was the flight booked? Even if they had the receipt and flight details sent to their email, I dont know any airline program or any other account that would not send you some kind of notification that a flight was booked."
"There seems to be a lot of drama going on around you, your current gf telling you not to contact the ex to ask about this like an adult, if this ex was so toxic and doing so many crazy things why didn't you change the password to the account?"
"Are there actually issues going on, is your current girlfriend jealous, insecure? Are YOU the drama here?"
"There's more going on than youre telling and if this is an actual trip happening in two days, then yes you could cancel, but yes, you might also be the a**hole if they paid for the flight and aren't using your points. There are missing facts." ~ Calealen80
"I'd ignore it and change my login. Don't give her any more reasons to terrorize you. It probably wasn't, but maybe it was an accident. Change your user name/password and move on."
"I don't think you can cancel a flight booked in someone else's name without their info... Such as a confirmation number, their email address, and last name."
"But honestly, what's cancelling the flight going to do?? She paid for it.... The way I see it, changing the login info and blocking her is the best thing you can do. NTA." ~ SigSauerPower320
"If your ex has done everything you say, you should be able to get an order of protection. As far as your new girlfriend goes, you've been together 4 months. She doesn't sound very balanced either. She's starting to show her true self."
"Go through all your accounts and change your username if you're able but for sure change your password. On ANY AND ALL accounts. If you're like a kid of people, you use the same login for multiple accounts." ~ stefaniki
"My airline login information auto populates from saved info on my phone. If she used to use your login when you were a couple, it may have been an accident."
"But even if for some wild reason it was on purpose, now that you e changed your password, there's nothing more you need to do. Since she paid for it, YWBTA if you cancelled it."
"But more than that, you'd be inviting drama when you're just wanting to move on. Don't contact your ex. Don't cancel the ticket. Change any other passwords you may have shared with your ex and move on." ~ Craft_Minute
"Did she use your mileage points? If not, you're gaining some extra points from her flight. Change your passwords and call it a day. Canceling it would only invite more drama. Also, your current gf sounds immature. ~ WHOA_____
"NTA. You've changed the password now. Has the ex used any of your points? If not, I wouldn't worry about it. Don't invite contact with someone trying to get your time and attention." ~ Difficult-Bicycle119
"You implied that she was terrorizing you and made her sound like a whack job. She did not steal any points from you to book a ticket? She used your account to buy a ticket with her own money? So then what's the point of canceling if you want to avoid contact with her?" ~ tickynicky
OP provided a brief update:
"I won’t cancel the flight. Passwords to all emails, several accounts including the United Airlines changed and 2 factor turned on."
"Thank you to everyone who responded."
OP decided ignoring her ex and tightening her accounts and passwords was the best choice. Sometimes not engaging with someone is the best course of action.
