Redditor Fed Up With Ex Continually Trying To Contact Them On Social Media Four Years After Breakup

Relationships can end for all kinds of reasons, but the one thing they have in common is that they do, in fact, end for a reason.

But sometimes people refuse to let go, potentially to an unhealthy or disturbing degree, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor Kayakingmoose777 had been separated from their ex-boyfriend for four years, and despite all of that time, multiple moves, and new relationships, he still tried to maintain contact with them on social media.

When he even tried to use LinkedIn and contacted their partner to reach them, the Original Poster (OP) felt increasingly concerned about his push for connection.

They asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting by being uncomfortable with my ex still trying to reach out four years after breaking up?"

The OP and their ex broke up four years ago.

"My ex and I broke up four years ago when we were 19 and 20."

"He cheated, so I ended things."

"He seemed to respect this decision in our conversation, and for a while, we just parted ways. He lived in the same small town as me, so it wasn’t uncommon to bump into each other at a shop or on a dog walk."

When the OP started dating again, their ex tried to re-establish contact.

"I started seeing someone new (who I am still with and very happy with) about six months after we broke up."

"My ex, since the start of this new relationship, has continuously tried to make small pokes of contact."

"It started with showing up unannounced at my house, bringing me birthday presents or flowers, 'accidentally' delivering a parcel to my house instead of his own as he 'didn’t change the address,' showing up in tears, or his mum or nan needing help, and slowly returning my things one item at a time (e.g., returning a pair of shoes or one T-shirt at a time)."

"He once got very aggressive when he showed up with something of mine and hurt me, so after that, I blocked his number and asked him to not contact me again."

The OP's ex still tried after that.

"He has since tried all social media platforms over the years."

"I moved in with my partner, so his attempts to drop things off now are greeted by my mum and her partner, which made him stop delivering stuff."

"When I moved to another town, he shortly moved to the same town, and when I moved four hours away, he again moved shortly after to about 30 minutes drive from this new spot."

"He recently messaged me on LinkedIn (the only social media I didn’t proactively block him on)."

The OP was becoming exhausted by the chase.

"I am really sick and tired of this situation, and my current partner encourages me to ignore it and focus on my life now and just continue to block him, but I feel he will never go away."

"It’s around every three months that something will bring him back into my life, and I am losing my mind over it."

"Am I overreacting to him using LinkedIn to contact me, or is my partner right that I should just move on and forget about his constant attempts to contact me?"

"AIO?"

The OP also updated the post with additional information:

"Edit to add some information: I posted here as some believe I am overthinking the situation and that it comes down to coincidence rather than stalking. He has actively been in relationships since our breakup and has not shown up at my door, and I haven’t seen him in person for at least a year at this point."

"When I said he 'hurt me,' he put his hands on my neck hard and pushed me down to the floor. No visible marks were left, but it did hurt a lot. Then he said he was seeing someone new and left."

"My mum and his ex stepdad are really good friends, so I assume that is a leak of information. My ex also started dating a good friend of mine who is no longer a friend. They did not last very long."

"One of the moves he made when I moved further away was to move with his long-distance girlfriend (they lived in the next big city together), but again, they did not last very long, so he moved a little closer to me (30 minutes away)."

"I have moved AGAIN, which is even further away, so hopefully, he will not be near me again and will never know I moved. Sadly, he does know my employer from LinkedIn, but it’s a big national company."

"I will collect all the info I have and talk to the police to at least make an informal comment about my situation if anything more happens."

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some reassured the OP that the people in their life were underreacting and they needed protection from their ex.

"Uhhh, your partner is way underreacting. The moving thing is really concerning. Homeboy is obsessed with you and stalking you. And what do you mean he hurt you? Girl, do you not see where this is going?" - Spanspd

"NOR. You have repeatedly made it clear that you don’t want him to contact you, and that his contact is unwelcome. It doesn’t matter if he’s just asking how you are going; you have asked him not to contact you."

"You are massively under-reacting. File a police report as soon as possible before he escalates further. The moving towns to follow you is extremely frightening." - Flinderspeak

"NOR. This is a big deal. You’re being stalked. How the h**l does he even know where you’re moving to? If you’re not telling him, someone in your life is."

"Be careful with what information you’re sharing with family and friends, even on social media. Make all of your profiles private and clean up your follow list. He may have made an alt profile to spy on you or has his friends/family lurking."

"Get a doorbell camera if you don’t already have one." - Careless-Ability-748

"You have a leak. Unless you've moved from a small town to a nearby larger town that many people move to for better opportunities, him moving there isn't a coincidence. For him to move there, he had to know you moved there."

"One or more of the following may apply:"

"He has a fake profile that you have friended on social media, and he's been able to keep track of you."

"One of your friends, acquaintances, or someone in your social circle is keeping him updated on your life and movements."

"He placed a tracker on your car or on the car of one of your family members in order to find your new place."

"This one is probably the creepiest and most uncomfortable; he's been actually watching you in person and following you around without you knowing."

"Write up a list of incidents, as many as you can remember, make a copy of it, and take it with you to the police station." - duchess_of_fire

Others encouraged the OP to file a police report and to put anyone connected to their ex on an information diet.

"File a police complaint at this point. Should have done it earlier, but you should do it now, too. Also block him everywhere. I don't see your reasoning for not actively blocking him on LinkedIn; leave no entry points." - gigi-kent

"Your ex is a stalker, and that is dangerous for you! Please contact the police! Your boyfriend may not realize that your ex is dangerous." - meifahs_musungs

"You need to put your mother on an information diet until you can fully trust that she will not spread your business. Does she know what he’s done and continues to do? If not, it’s time to tell her so she understands that he’s a problem."

"If she does know and has continued to be loose-lipped about your personal life, then you need to reevaluate your relationship with her."

"Sure, she’s your mother, but your ex sounds dangerous, and if she’s not willing to do her part in protecting you, then she needs to be held at arm's length." - Vegetable-Cod-2340

"Stats show that once a DV victim is choked, the likelihood of being murdered by the perpetrator is greatly increased!! Please, please, please understand that your ex is a dangerous man."

"Now I’m even more scared for you. Please see my comment about putting your mom on an information diet. She’s currently a mole and will get you killed if she doesn’t shut the f**k up about your personal life to your ex’s stepdad."

"Go to the police. Even if they don’t do anything about it, it’s good to at least have a paper trail. Be safe." - gdrom123

"NOR. He is a stalker and, especially since he hurt you, he is abusive. You need to protect yourself. Inform local police and see about a restraining order for stalking."

"If they won't right now, find out what you need to file and collect all that evidence. You should have cameras for your protection anyway. Be safe. Best of luck, OP!" - Mamabear9800

"File a police complaint. Hire a lawyer to send him an official cease and desist for all communication. Do not directly respond to him at all, and start referring to him as your stalker rather than your ex. It will help you and everyone around you to contextualise what he is doing."

"The fact that he has followed you to a new location twice is extremely dangerous."

"He's not going to move on to someone else; he is hyper-fixated on you."

"If the police are dismissive, demand to speak to someone higher up. Write down every time he has contacted you, with dates if you have them. Print screenshots of every attempted social media interaction. Present all of it to the police. You need evidence as much as your word to illustrate the pattern of behaviour."

"If people witnessed his aggression, ask them to write it down, sign and date it. Take this seriously before you speak to the police, and they will be much more likely to listen to you." - Cursd818

As the subReddit acquired more information about their situation, the more concerned they became for the OP and their ex's hyperfixation on them.

Maybe one move could be chalked up to a coincidence, but two moves and repeated attempts across social media platforms sounded alarming, and the fact that this behavior persisted across four years suggested that it wouldn't end any time soon without further assistance.