Whether or not to keep an opinion to ourselves can be a surprisingly challenging decision.
In some cases, when someone says something that we not only fundamentally disagree with but is also an insensitive and bigoted remark, then the only thing to do is speak up.
Other times, however, when someone says something that we strongly or firmly disagree with, it might be best to keep quiet and let the moment pass.
Particularly when amongst a group of people.
Redditor ScorpionStungMe was excited to meet the best friend of his girlfriend over a birthday lunch.
While things started out cordial, the day sadly ended with vitriol, sparked by a blunt remark by the original poster (OP) regarding the major of his girlfriend’s friend.
Wondering if he was truly at fault, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for causing my girlfriend and her best friend of 10 years split up on her birthday?”
The OP explained why his honest opinion about his girlfriend’s best friend’s major ended up putting a seeming end to their friendship:
“I (21 M[ale]) have been dating my girlfriend (21 F[emale]) for about a month at the time of the event, but we’ve been close friends for a year beforehand.”
“For my girlfriend’s birthday, she was throwing a little party.”
“She invited her best friend (20 F), who we’ll call Eve, to come down earlier so they could hang out before the party since they haven’t seen each other in 2 years because they go to different universities.”
“They invited me to come eat lunch with them to meet Eve in person.”
“Before lunch, I invited my girlfriend and Eve over, and I have a wall where I have taped A LOT of Pokémon cards to it.”
“I called it my ‘Pokémon wall’ and she took a picture of it and laughed, and sent it to her boyfriend because he loves Pokémon too.”
“The lunch went well, and I am being my normal self.”
“Which is very ‘ostentatious and blunt.'”
“However, I made the fatal mistake of asking Eve what her major is, and she replied back, ‘psychology’, and I have a very negative opinion about Psychology.”
“All I said was, ‘Ehh psychology.’ That’s fake science,’ and my girlfriend said, ‘Yeah he doesn’t like psychology’.”
“Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Later that evening was the party, and Eve wasn’t there.”
“Supposedly, she didn’t want to come and just wanted to go back home.”
“The next morning, my girlfriend called me asking if I could come over, and she showed me Eve’s finsta (Fake Instagram Account).”
“On Eve’s finsta, she had posted two posts and three stories dogging on me.”
“Saying how dare I be a misogynist and try to control her life by saying psychology is a fake science, that all I am is a toxic man, that I talk weird and need to learn how to talk properly (I have a speech impediment and accent), the Pokémon wall was ugly, and that biology (my major) is a fake science since everything in biology is theories.”
“All of her friends commenting that I am some evil man.”
“I wanted to fire back, but didn’t because I did not want to damage my girlfriend’s relationship with Eve.”
“Plus, I did not want to feed her narrative that I am a misogynist.”
“Therefore, I pushed it to the side and forgot about it.”
“About a week later, my girlfriend received PARAGRAPH texts from Eve stating how she still hates me and is now mad at my girlfriend for taking my side and not reprimanding me.”
“She was saying how I was rude and laughed at her at lunch.”
“Along with more jabs at me on a personal level, and Eve said that I only said psychology was fake to start a debate.”
“Which isn’t true at all, although I did debate all throughout high school.”
“My girlfriend replied back saying she didn’t like how Eve posted about me on social media for all their friends to see.”
“Eve replied, saying how she’s disappointed in my girlfriend, more mean things about me, and that she is pissed off.”
“About a few days ago, Eve blocked my girlfriend on her finsta and lost her streak on Snapchat.”
“It’s obvious that she is still mad at me for my opinions and now posting trash posts about my girlfriend on her finsta.”
“AITA for being blunt and causing all of this? Or is all of this petty drama?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who pretty much unanimously agreed that he was the a**hole for the way he spoke to Eve.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s comment was insensitive, rude, and unnecessary, and his “ostentatious and blunt” personality was not a good excuse at all.
“Sounds like you need some therapy from a qualified psychologist, bro.”
“You seem to have some serious negative personality traits.”- niceguytrying
“She literally just said, ‘I’m majoring in psychology’ and you suddenly just shit all over her major.”
“And for NO reason.”
“She wasn’t arguing she was a hard science major, so she’s not threatening your egotistical claim to be the only REAL scientist.”
“What a total d*ck move!”
“Also, let’s be honest, math, physics, and even chemistry view biology the same way you view psychology so you can get off your high horse and stop thinking you’re better than others simply because of your major.”
“No, you’re the AH for insulting your GF’s friend major for no reason and hiding behind the stupid ‘I was just being honest/blunt’ excuse when, in reality, you were just being a socially inept, embarrassing AH.”- AppropriateScience71
“That’s just code for being an unmitigated a**hole.”
“Not everything is a debate.”
“How many more friends are you willing to lose before you wise up and see that the problem is YOU?”
“Ok, so you don’t believe in psychology, why belittle it by calling it junk science?”
“Psychology is recognized as a social science and is included on the National Science Foundation’s roster of recognized STEM disciplines.”
“You couldn’t ask Eve about her classes or what drew her to the subject?”
“You couldn’t ask if she had a minor?”
“You just went in and attacked her area of study?”
“First introduction and you pull this?”
“Eve’s reaction does seem a bit scorched Earth; however, we weren’t there, so we just have to take your word for it.”
“You cost your girlfriend a friend; how long until you cost yourself a girlfriend?”- BadBandit1970
“Just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean you have to voice it.”
“Her major is (atm) her life choice, and you just told her her life choice is fake, and her best friend tried to laugh it away, which obviously hurt her deeply.”- Quirky_Dog5869
“Claiming to be blunt isn’t an excuse to be rude.”
“I’ve often found people who claim they are brutally honest, or ‘blunt’ use it as a shield to make mean comments.”
“You owe the friend an apology.”- riversofmountains
“And you’re completely wrong about psychology, too.”
“It would have cost you nothing to keep your mouth shut.”
“What has opening it cost?”
“At the tender age of 21, you have decided that a field of study that is over 150 years old is ‘fake’ and pissed all over someone else’s aspirations in the process.”- Adrift_Lover
There were some, however, who thought that Eve was no better than the OP for her behavior, even if they still agreed that the OP was way out of line with his remark.
“You’re both behaving like children.”
“Also ‘ostentatious and blunt’ is not a personality.”
“Those are awkward character traits, not something to define yourself by.”
“If you can summarise your personality in 2 words you need more personality.”
“If you keep alienating people, ask yourself why you allow your behavior to keep doing that.”
“Is telling someone that you have some daft internet meme-worthy opinion more important than shielding those around you who you care for from your same daft opinion?”
“Not everyone needs to know your every thought, especially when you know that opinion is only going to cause conflict with someone who you are just meeting and is clearly important to your partner.”
“Eve needs to grow up and communicate like an adult.”- OrbitalPete
Everyone has an opinion.
And many people have opinions which are, in fact, wrong.
Which many would agree was the case with the OP, who probably would have been better off not saying anything regarding Eve’s majoring in psychology.
Even if Eve could have kept this a private conflict between herself, the OP, and his girlfriend and not brought everyone’s attention to it on social media.
If either the OP or Eve wants to keep the OP’s girlfriend in their life, they both might need to consider cleaning up their act and apologize to her.