Wedding planning can be stressful. What no couple needs are demands thrown at them after plans have been set.
A bride who said no to last minute demands turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Ill_Macaroon1392 asked:
"AITA for a confrontation with my husband's family on our wedding day?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"There has been drama over this ONE plus one for 3 months and we repeatedly said we can’t extend the invite. They crashed and then family members accused us of being vile horrible people for kicking them out."
"60 person international destination wedding."
"In December we were asked to give my fiancé’s cousin a plus one because they were now in a serious relationship and living together."
"Due to budget—everything had already been confirmed and budgeted for—we said no. My husband’s cousin didn’t push back after we said we couldn’t afford to add for a partner this close to our wedding."
"2 weeks before the wedding, they tried asking again and offering to pay. At this point it was too close to the wedding to change anything, everything had been confirmed and paid for, because we were flying out in one week."
"WEDDING NIGHT. My husband’s aunt and uncle had the plus one/girlfriend crash our wedding."
"They approached just the groom (my husband) and told him it was their decision to invite the girlfriend (not an apology, a statement)."
"When I (the bride) confronted the aunt and uncle about not being including in the conversation they had with my husband, they doubled down on their decision and said they were the offended ones."
"They were kicked out of the wedding and onsite accommodations. The uncle later sent separate texts to us (bride and groom) telling us how horrible we are of people because the couple in love (cousin and girlfriend) just wanted to be there."
"We provided accommodations for free to as many of our guests as possible so the wedding was affordable for them. They also had the hotel option that they had to then pay for."
"Since it was a destination, we had accommodations and activities and food all paid for and arranged for several days. Anyone who wanted to stay longer had to pay for that on their own. Most people just had to pay for plane tickets."
The OP later added:
"I am the bride. My husband’s cousin never asked us directly about a plus one. Their parents back channeled through my MIL and FIL."
"My husband’s cousin was not in a relationship when save the dates went out and when the invites went out they were not yet serious."
"We did not kick them out of the hotel, we asked the aunt and uncle to leave the lodging we paid for and provided ti guests for free. The plus one after arriving we didn’t kick out."
"The conflict was with the aunt and uncle being completely disrespectful and flipping me off when I walked away after telling them I’d appreciate if they include me in any conversations regarding our wedding."
"My husband did stand up to the aunt and she doubled down."
"We actually didn’t ask the uninvited guest to leave. I confronted the aunt and uncle and requested that if they want to have conversations about our wedding, they take it to me and my husband."
"A scene wasn’t made until after I walked away the uncle flipped off me (the bride) and my family asked him to leave the onsite accommodations and go to the hotel."
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"Not giving them a plus one and then kicking out the aunt and uncle for causing a scene. They offered to pay her way, after it was too late to add her, but they are family."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. The bride and groom determine the guest list. Period. They had every right to kick out these rude family members." ~ Traditional-Sky5252
"People always forget that the wedding is about the couple being married and what they want on their day. Everything else is families and friends starting drama because they are trying to make the day about them." ~ rasalscan
"I still have weird feelings about my own wedding (which was great because I married my husband, and it was very pretty) because several people in my life/family started shit, repeatedly tried to make it about themselves, or were just straight up awful to me, the bride."
"I just wanted one damn day!!"
"Really taught me a lot about those people though, and I now have boundaries that I didn’t have then. When someone shows you that you can’t trust them as far as you can throw them, don’t bother even trying to lift their a**." ~ ChickenCasagrande
"This gets buried with how much Reddit hates weddings, but it's an absolutely valid ask to have named +1s. Our rule was you needed your +1s name by invite time, which was 9 months out for us. Everyone abided. We've also known friends who ended up with unknown +1s at their weddings that did things from causing a scene to stealing cash gifts." ~ juanzy
"I'm kinda in the I hate weddings group and just posted a few minutes ago on another post that I don't go to weddings if I don't get a plus one. I have my reasons for not wanting to sit by myself."
"But what is absolutely not okay and would never be is to call and heckle the bride and groom or try to cause any type of problem for them. They absolutely have the right to invite who they want and that should be respected. I can say yes or no to going and that's the ONLY say I have in it. Period."
"The aunt and uncle should be ashamed of themselves! They're supposed to be adults. I'm sorry you, and the OP, had to deal with that on your special day." ~ Faisfancy
"NTA, people who invite themselves to any invitation only event should be kicked out. You didn't do that. You kicked two people who were making a scene out of your accommodations you paid for, sending them to a hotel, not out onto the street." ~ CatsMom4Ever
"I also bet they were offering a fraction of what the catering+seating per-head cost was too. I see it all over Reddit threads assuming you add like $36 and it's set. IIRC our total explicit per-head cost was $250. There's also sometimes venue thresholds where it's $1K+ more if you hit a certain number - we had 53 people, but if we hit 60 there was a flat $5k additional charge, another $5k over 75." ~ juanzy
"NTA. Ya'll the question isn't if OP is the a**hole for not allowing a plus one."
"The question is, after being given a firm answer 'no', were the aunt and uncle a**holes for bringing the plus one. That is clearly a big yes! In virtually any situation, you are an a**hole if you've been told no and then do what you want to anyway." ~ hyperside89
"This is an easy one. Aunt and uncle crossed a line...a big one. The uninvited guest lacks a sense of self respect to show up where they are uninvited. (Cringeworthy). I wonder if that uninvited partner is an easily led or coerced person to have gone along with this."
"But move on. Don't make or accept any contact by any of them. Don't respond or allow anyone to engage with you over this. And don't explain why to anyone. Let them seethe if they want. You do not have to associate or be present with any of them for any event." ~ Ok-Trainer3150
"NTA, they could have invited her to the trip and had her stay at the hotel. She didn’t need to be at the ceremony/wedding event."
"Destination weddings are very expensive and the couple may not know this woman enough to have her be at their wedding. The self entitlement of these family members is unacceptable. The parents should have dealt with their siblings on this. Not the bride and groom on their special day." ~ Danswife1994
"We had a couple that we invited that had a 6 month old when they traveled to our wedding. The wife brought her mom and sister on the trip to watch their kid so they, just the parents, could attend our wedding. The mom and sister never once even attempted to encroach on any of the wedding events." ~ juanzy
"NTA. If you are not invited then you can't 'be there' at a wedding. They tried to get the plus one, there's nothing wrong with that, but once they were told no then the answer is no." ~ Deep-Okra1461
"NTA. Wow, aunt and uncle are real pieces of work. Not only did they not ask you and your now husband directly, they made a whole fucking scene at your wedding. Like, who flips off the bride for being upset that they allowed someone to crash a wedding. Miserable people, I'm glad you kicked them out." ~ lavender_poppy
OP may have married into this family, but that doesn't mean she needs to maintain a relationship with this aunt and uncle.
