So many people are drowning in student loan debt.
Trying to follow a dream career path is not easy.
And there never seems to be any free money to cover all of the costs.
No matter how hard a person looks.
Redditor Own-Inspector-6121 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for not giving the money to pay off my daughters student loans?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My daughter is 25, and she graduated from college around 3 years ago."
"When she went to college, I was very firm that she needed to pick a major that would make her money and not a major that was her dream."
"It was a big argument at the time, and she made it clear that she was going to go for theater."
"I told her it was a horrible idea and to do something that would actually have her be able to support herself."
"I knew she wasn't the next Broadway actor."
"I didn't pay for any of my kids' college."
"They took out loans."
"We didn't have the money."
"She wants me to pay all her loans; she is not asking for 3k that would pay for her vacation cost."
"I got 200k."
"She went into the theater and took out loans."
"She is now working as a server for an interactive dining experience."
"She doesn't do much and lives with two other roommates."
"My mother recently passed away, and she left me with a sizeable inheritance.'
"I am putting it towards my retirement and going on a vacation (I am paying for the whole family to go)."
"I told everyone over family dinner, and everyone was excited for me to take them out of the country for the first time."
"My daughter was quiet and, after dinner, asked me to use the money to pay off her student loans."
"I told her no."
"We got into a fight about it, and I told her this is her own fault."
"That I will not pay off her loans, and it isn't fair to her siblings."
"She is pissed and told me she isn't going on the trip."
"She is upset I basically told her I told you so, and she thinks I am punishing her now."
"My point is that this was her decision, and it is unfair to the other kids."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Well, Reddit, AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"YTA -- not for refusing to pay off her loans, but for being smug and spiteful."
S"ide note, if she's not going on the vacation, could you give her the money you would have spent on her?"
"That sounds like it might be a good compromise." ~ aminervia
"It's really sad that we don't support the arts."
'I would love a creative writing degree."
"For that matter, it's really sad that anyone has to pay more than a nominal cost for higher education."
"In my country, the reason we have to pay huge costs is racism."
"I did not get a liberal arts degree because I was scared of massive debt."
"It's sad that I have to side with OP on not wasting money on a theater degree."
"I love going to the theater, I imagine our kids or grandkids won't get to enjoy it by people who are classically trained, and that's sad AF." ~ basilkiller
"100%... You are there to guide them, not to demand what they do with their life."
"She wasn't choosing drugs and crime or something, she was choosing art."
"OP's job, especially as someone NOT paying for her education, is to make sure they understand how challenging that path will be, and that if they want to follow it, they need to be absolutely relentless in their passion for it."
"After that, you love them to death and make sure they know you will be with them through success or failure."
"OP acted like it was going to be a certain failure, like their kid was a talentless hack with no chance or success, and now seems very happy with the outcome."
"Imagine feeling like your own father is happier to be right than sad that you failed."
"He's lucky she speaks to him at all." ~ sl0play
"YTA for the way you treat and speak about your daughter in general."
"You do not sound like a very nice or pleasant person."
"That aside, if you're paying for everyone to go on this expensive vacation, you could offer to give her her share in cash, and she can choose to stay home if that would be a more prudent financial decision for her!"
"Practice what you preach." ~ oh_you_fancy_huh
"I’m curious what it is like to raise a child and root for them to fail one day?"
"Like this is so f**king sad that you don’t believe in your kid at all and wanted to rub it in her face that she’s not happy with her life."
"A lot of people only make it in acting bc they have family support."
"Congrats on being the opposite."
"I don’t think you have to pay off her loans, especially if she’s saying pay them off instead of whatever you plan to do with it."
"But please know I do think how you’ve been treating her makes you an a**hole, and if she ever stops speaking to you, don’t come back here confused." ~ Skyward93
"ESH..it sounds to me that you’re still angry at her for not doing what you wanted her to do when she was picking colleges."
"Almost like you’re getting a certain sort of joy out of seeing her struggle."
"So, for that, I think YTA."
"However, it is your inheritance, and you are free to do with it whatever you want."
"I don’t know how much money it was, and I believe you’re right that it needs to be equal, so if you give money to one child, you should give to all, so I understand this."
"But I think this is how you should’ve explained it to your daughter. Instead of 'you deserved it' you could’ve just said honey if I give money to you,"
"I need to give it to all your brothers and sisters equally, and I don’t have enough for that."
"That I think she could’ve received."
"Honestly, I’m more concerned that this whole money issue has brought out some disturbing elements in your relationship with your daughter."
"I’m afraid that if you don’t change your attitude towards her, you might lose her forever." ~ Due_Sea_3599
"YTA. I don't blame you for not paying off all her loans, especially since there are others who have theirs too."
"However, your lack of any emotional support, along with the glaring I told you so energy, still makes you the TA in this scenario."
"As others have said, I'd give her the money that was going to go to her part of the trip, and I'd go so far as to say that would be a good apology." ~ PessaLee
"You aren’t required to pay off your daughter's loans."
"You aren’t required to love her chosen field."
"But gosh, the bare minimum you could do as a parent is be supportive and encouraging of your child trying to make their way in the world."
"YTA for that." ~ fatbellylouise
"ESH- she is in no way entitled to the inheritance or to have her loans paid off."
"However, Jesus, what a loving, supportive father!"
"What a horrible way to talk about your child and their dreams, even if you don’t agree with them. "
"There’s more to life than money, I hope she finds the love and joy in life you are so clearly lacking." ~ llbboutique
"YTA. 90% of parents really have no clue what a lucrative degree is."
"She could’ve gone for a 'better' major and still end up working at a diner and living with roommates."
"The job market, housing market, and general cost of living are currently a disaster for anyone starting out."
"Encourage her to make thoughtful choices, but realistically, she could’ve gone for a better degree and ended up in the same situation, or worse, flunked out when she chose a degree with neither interest nor skills to complete."
"You don’t owe her your inheritance (although if there’s enough to help your kids, that’s a nice thing to do in this economy…), but your attitude in general is problematic."
"YTA for being happy your daughter is struggling."
"College degrees aren’t just for job training but life lessons, which she got."
"There are all kinds of things she can do with a degree."
"My degree is in English Lit, and I happily work in fundraising."
"She’ll figure out her own way, and apparently with no support from you!" ~ dovahkiitten16
OP came back with an Update...
"I got off a call with my daughter, and what it boils down to is that she regrets her degree."
"She feels trapped in debt and wants to be further along in her career."
"She thought my inheritance would be the key out of it."
"She got into an argument with her brother because she went to rant to him."
"He apparently had some choice words."
"She told me she doesn't want the money and asked instead if she could move back home and do an accelerated program (a year to two years)."
"I agreed."
Even though Reddit had issues with your decision, OP, it's nice to hear that you and your daughter found some common ground.
Hopefully, she'll find her way.
Have a great vacation.
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