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Mom Of Two Blasts Ex For Writing ‘Dismissive’ Note In The Memo Line Of Final Alimony Check

Couple going over alimony paperwork
bymuratdeniz/Getty Images

Content Warning: Discussions of Depression, Therapy, and Chronic Illness

We’ve surely all gone through some tough phases in our lives, some including issues with work, money, health, or love.

But sometimes when we look back at the memories of these tough times, we have to admit that we were part of the problem, if not the entire problem, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor Throwawaymals was still angry about her divorce that had taken place seven years prior, and now that her alimony checks were running out, she was angry with how her ex-husband seemed to be moving on.

When he critiqued how she felt about him and how she was portraying him to their children, the Original Poster (OP) couldn’t believe his attitude.

She asked the sub:

“AITAH for showing ‘everybody’ what my ex wrote on his final check to me?”

The OP was still angry about her divorce.

“I (51 Female) divorced my ex-husband (53 Male) seven years ago. We were married for 14 years and had three kids together (24 Male, 22 Female, and 18 Female).”

“I was a SAHM (Stay-at-Home Mom) and I suffered from constipation that, while doctors say isn’t definitely IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), has made me suffer from joint and back pain when I eat things like dairy or any of my other food sensitivities.”

“We live in New Jersey and the judge made it so that child support and alimony would both end at the same time.”

I had a lot of issues in my marriage, but at the very least, I have three great kids that I love and who love me.”

The OP had a lot of hard feelings toward her ex-husband.

“My ex has been very bitter, saying I should have wanted counseling even though I was completely neurotypical and it was him suffering from depression.”

“He also discredited my want to divorce by saying I was acting out of emotion and asked me to take a step back and think, as if I haven’t been thinking before.”

“He was always working 12-hour days and overtime, and I was the one taking care of and giving the kids what they needed.”

Fortunately, the OP’s children were thriving.

“My son now has graduated college and is a genius. He has his own app development company and makes more than my ex and I could ever dream of making in a year.”

“My 22-year-old daughter has a degree in nursing and is marrying and her fiance comes from money so she’s set as well.”

“My 18-year-old has done well in school, too.”

The OP wasn’t doing quite so well.

“However, as for me, I’ve been suffering from menopause and back aches and a lot of the entry-level jobs that would hire me would leave me in pain and exhausted. That hasn’t stopped my ex from griping and dismissing my real pains.”

“Long story short, he sent me my last child support and alimony check. In the memo of the alimony check, he wrote, ‘Freedom, good luck then.'”

“It was such a mockery to the health issues I’ve suffered and all I’ve put into the family.”

The note on the alimony check quickly spread among the family.

“I showed my friends and they agreed he’s still a blunt, daft individual.”

“My 18-year-old was there and she said she couldn’t believe he thought that way of her.”

“Then my older kids found out through screenshots, and because of my health issues, my son has been sending me 3,000 dollars a month while my ex sends me $2.5k, plus what’s needed for our youngest daughter.”

“He spent a lot of his childhood with unmarried parents and resents the fact my ex proposed to his girlfriend (48 Female) after only two years of dating. He called his dad a b**tard and said he and my 22-year-old would always help me out.”

“He had been saying he would just make up what I’d lose from my ex because he could afford $5.5k, but he told me my ex had been telling him to save his money and only send me under $2k.”

“My ex is now backtracking and saying he only wrote it on ‘my’ check, but the kids are not amused.”

“He invited them to his wedding but my 22-year-old said she might be better off just focusing on her own wedding, and that she’d help me out too if I needed it.”

“AITA for blasting him when he clearly wrote it to be seen? He’s always painted me as the greedy ex, it seems.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some called the OP the AH for her comments about mental health and marriage counseling.


“There were problems in the marriage. He suggested counseling. You refused because ‘you are neurotypical and he’s depressed.'”

“Holy s**t. He wanted to save the marriage. You said it was his fault. You refused to go to counseling.”

“Dude is 53, working 12-hour days, and sending you $30,000 per year… for what? You can’t get a job because of constipation? How the h**l did you convince a judge he should pay you for seven years?”

“You’re definitely the a**hole here. Now you’re going to mooch off your kids.”

“The sense of entitlement is unreal.” – The-Francois8

“I’m confused by the insinuation that only neurodivergent individuals can benefit from therapy? Anyone, neurotypical or neurodivergent aside, can benefit from therapy. Reading your post, it sounds like you would fall into that category. YTA.” – 14ccet1

“Furthermore, she said her ex had depression, and that counseling offer was probably as much to help him as her. Dude was working 12 hours a day and depressed and still wanted to make time to actively fix their problems. She’s complaining about him mocking her physical health issues while actively dismissing his mental health issues.” – Reverend_Lazerface

“Mental health professional here, and it literally hurt me from cringing so hard when I read the neurodivergent part. I don’t think OP really knows what the world means and equates chemical imbalances and things like trauma to being neurodivergent… which, OP, this is not what it means and you should discontinue using that word until you understand it. YTA.” – Witchywoman4201

“The way OP also brushed past the divorce reasoning. “He was depressed” and they were just neurotypical. Asking for counseling and taking a step back before proceeding with divorce. Working 12-hour days to support the family.”

“OP can do whatever they want but it sounds like the ex was trying to find something to help save the marriage and OP just wanted a pity party. OP is the AH. Ex maybe snarky since divorce but I don’t blame them.” – softstones

Others agreed and sympathized with the ex-husband’s alimony note.

“Why are her kids supporting her financially when she’s constipated? I’m so confused. This guy seems to be behaving like any tired ex-spouse would. I’m ready to divorce her, too, after reading that crazy post.” – ireaditonreddit_kara

“1. You showed the cheque to your children, so YOU want it to be seen.”

“2. Your husband was referring to his freedom to pay. Not great but I don’t think he was referring to your health.”

“3. Your kids are giving you a LOT of money each month. Lucky you. You knew this day was coming, but you don’t seem to have prepared.”

“I’m glad your children are turning out successful. I’m sorry for your pain. It does sound like you are helping to turn your kids against their father (and a 53-year-old man dating a 48-year-old woman five years after a separation is not shocking). You wanted the divorce, so glad he moved on.”

“Ultimately, YTA for how you are turning your kids against their dad when he comes across as reasonable.” – AgentRevolutionary99

“How does one take the words, ‘Freedom, good luck then’ to translate to ‘a mockery to the health issues I’ve suffered and all I’ve put into the family’? How does marrying someone new after two years of dating make him a ‘b**tard’ in the eyes of his son? What does being neurotypical have to do with a request for counseling?” – 3_hit_wonder

“What he wrote wasn’t even bad! Of course the guy doesn’t want to keep paying alimony to an ex who clearly hates him. Regardless of if he was a d**k or not when they were married, OF COURSE, he doesn’t want to keep sending her money. ‘Freedom, good luck then’ is a perfectly understandable statement to say in the situation.” – JelmerMcGee

Some felt that the OP simply did not want to work or take responsibility for her actions.

“The money her kids are giving her to support only herself is equivalent to my gross income on which I support myself, my girlfriend (who has serious mental health issues and still manages to work more than OP, but still not much), and I am renovating a house. And that isn’t even taking into account that she might not be paying taxes on it and I am.”

“That kind of makes it hard to sympathize with her even if the entitlement vibe wasn’t so strong.” – RutzButtercup

“……….You take how much money from your KIDS?? Are you sure you’re not greedy??? Get a job, lady.” – CartographerGlass85

“She super brushed passed the ‘worked 12-hour days and overtime.’ I just finished a 12-day week with 12 hours a day, and let me tell you, that isn’t just draining; it literally made me feel like I was dying. I get she has constipation and ‘neurotypical’ (haha), but the fact that he was mentioning counseling shows he’s got a lot more patience than a lot of people.”

“OP: YTA you did what no one should do, air dirty laundry to your children. As an outsider, that only reads one way: you want your kids to hate their father. All of this is over him saying he got his financial freedom back. I know you won’t but you should feel ashamed of yourself.” – ChaseNBread

“YTA for sure. Your husband worked himself into depression to make sure you and his children were taken care of. Your response was to divorce him rather than support him. Now, since you have no skills outside of whining about money, you need to mooch off of your children.”

“You had a hardworking husband who gave all he had, and now he seems to have found someone who appreciates that. I hope he’s found happiness, and I hope you learn from your mistakes.”

“At your age, you’re about to find out the men who can take care of you are being taken care of by younger, more attractive women.” – chevelle71

Though the OP clearly came to the subreddit expecting sympathy, the subreddit was not ready to deliver. Rather, they took issue with how she spoke about her ex-husband’s mental health, as well as her lack of appreciation for the many hours of hard work he’d put in, during and after their marriage, to care for her and her children.

Since they’d divorced seven years prior, it seemed the OP should have been able to find some kind of work that suited her by now, even if it was a simple part-time work-from-home job that could be completed from the couch.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.