Every bride has a vision of how they would like their wedding day to go: who will attend, what the weather will be like, and of course, the decorations and their wedding dress.
But sometimes family traditions get in the way of that vision.
One woman found this out the hard way recently on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor dressupdramaita found herself needing to choose between her dream and what her family expected.
When the backlash ensued, the Original Poster (OP) couldn’t decide what to do next.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for tearing my family apart over my (blue) wedding dress?”
The OP wanted to do something different for her wedding.
“My fiancé and I got engaged over the pandemic. We have a tentative date for late summer/fall of 2022.”
“Nowhere carries the exact dress I’ve always dreamt of: Ophelia’s dress from Waterhouse’s painting. It’s a gorgeous, blue, pre-Raphaelite gown with gold embroidery, and a red underdress just peeking through at the sleeves and hem.”
“I already sew most of my clothes, so I’m making this myself. It’ll be challenging, but I’m confident.”
“The problem is wedding shopping is a big thing in my family.”
“All the women make a weekend of it, going to tons of different shops, whole wedding party tries on clothes and accessories, then celebrate with food and drinks after. It’s like a bachelorette, but fewer penis hats.”
The family was not interested in the OP’s vision.
“So everyone got upset with me for breaking a beloved family tradition. They weren’t interested in my compromises.”
“But when they found out the dress is blue and (gasp) red, s**t hit the fan.”
“A Christian bride NEEDS to be married in virginal white or people will think she’s a w**re (even though we’re living together for 2 years).”
“Also, apparently, it will look like a ‘cheap, tacky, DIY clown costume.'”
The family was strongly divided on the subject.
“My older relatives are acting like I’m going to show up naked, twirling on a stripper pole.”
“My mom keeps leaving crying voicemails.”
“Now she, her siblings, my dad, and maternal grandparents say they won’t come.”
“My brother and sister say that they will come, and so do some of my cousins, most of my dad’s side, and all of my fiancé’s side.”
“Now everyone’s fighting with everyone else, and my Dad keeps asking it if it’s worth tearing a family apart for a dress that I’ll only wear for one day.”
The OP started losing faith in the whole ordeal.
“The guilt trips are starting to break me down and get to me.”
“Honestly, the whole thing is destroying my joy in the wedding and making me want to just elope.”
“That will still p**s everyone off, but at least I won’t be there to hear them b***hing.”
“I just need an outside opinion to tell me if I’m the crazy one here because I’m starting to feel like it.”
The OP also shared an image of her wedding dress inspiration.
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP had every right to break tradition.
“FFS (for f**k’s sake), brides are SUPPOSED to have SOMETHING BLUE! These people are insane, and OP should tell them to take it or leave it! NTA!!” – shefjef
“You wear that gorgeous one-of-a-kind Ophelia dress or we Redditors will find you and bundle you into one just like it on your wedding day!” – Delicious-Insect-693
“Girl, make your gorgeous dress, find something equally amazing for fiance and sister to wear, and go get married anywhere you want! Sounds like those two have great heads on their shoulders and don’t suck.”
“So get married with the AWESOME people who love and appreciate you for the unique and incredibly beautiful soul you are, and deal with the rest after.”
“Seriously, if they can’t see how stunning that dress is, you don’t need that energy around you on your wedding day.” – capyber
“Wear your beautiful blue dress and let the family chips fall where they will.”
“They aren’t required to like your dress, their opinion doesn’t matter, and you aren’t asking for their approval. It’s your wedding, your choices. Those who don’t like it can stay away and FTHO (f**k the h**l off).”
“You aren’t required to tell them anything, so say no more, make and wear that beautiful dress, and have a wonderful wedding.” – Equivalent-Cream-495
Others simply confirmed the dress was a beautiful choice.
“Just want to comment that the dress is GORGEOUS and I think OP should definitely wear it.” – beautiful_cat42
“Boy, that’s one beautiful dress. You better go ahead with your dress plan, for you are NTA, OP.” – Riganthor
“Many brides just wore their best dresses or had a dress made that could also serve them as a dinner or ball gown later on. I follow the WikiVictorian account on Twitter and most of the wedding dress photos posted aren’t white. Some are red, purple and even black.”
“The white, single-use wedding dress was originally a statement of wealth and not purity.”
“I think the OP’s dress will be beautiful and she is NTA.”
“I’d just tell the ultimatum-giving relatives, ‘Well, I’ll miss you but I accept your choice not to attend.'” – Sirena_Seas
A few wanted the OP to ask her father an important question.
“Blue was the most popular color until Queen Victoria started the trend of ‘virginal’ white. (And how many brides can honestly wear white, in that case, myself included?)”
“Also, NTA… it looks like you’re going to be missing some family members all because of ‘a dress that [you’ll] only wear for one day.'” – Brilliant_Jewel1924
“‘Is it worth tearing the family apart for a dress you wear for one day?'”
“‘Well, Dad, it must be since they are tearing the family apart over a dress I will only wear one day!'” – CJSinTX
The OP might have been having some doubts about planning for her wedding day amidst all the drama, but the subReddit had her back. Not only were they all for breaking wedding and family traditions, but with a dress like that, there was truly no question left to ask.