There is no doubt that weddings cost a lot of money.
But should they also cost someone a familial relationship?
Redditor throwaway205813 and his fiancée were planning on selling a recently inherited family heirloom to supplement their wedding budget.
But the Original Poster’s (OP’s) brother is not happy about this decision.
This led the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for advice.
He asked,
“AITA for selling a family heirloom to pay for my destination wedding?”
He went on to explain.
“My fiancée [38-year-old Female] and I [39-year-old Male] are planning to get married this summer. We both want to have quite a lavish wedding at a winery in another state.”
“The two of us agree that it’s the most important occasion in our lives, so we should make it as memorable as possible.”
“We both have stable jobs and a good amount of savings, but it’s not quite enough for the (admittedly ambitious) plans we have in our heads.”
“My father passed away in January, and in his will, he left me a very valuable (think five figures) family heirloom.”
“I’m not much for big family traditions, so although it’s a nice thing to have, I’m not massively attached to it.”
“I have plenty of other good memories of my father, and I don’t need a fancy heirloom to remember him by.”
“My brother [3-year-old Male], however, is a huge history nerd and is really, really attached to it.”
“He was very upset by my father’s decision in the will (the reason it went to me and not to him is that this has been traditionally passed to first-born sons).”
“My fiancée and I don’t plan to have children, and I think he assumed therefore that he (or his children) would be in line to get it if I were to pass away.”
“After some discussion, my wife-to-be and I decided that we would like to sell the heirloom to pay for our wedding.”
“My brother, who is also my best man, was furious when he found out and said he wanted nothing to do with the wedding anymore.”
“He thinks my wife-to-be and I are behaving like spoiled brats.”
“In addition, he’s convinced my uncle and cousins not to come to the wedding either.”
“With our parents having passed away, this means that virtually none of my family will attend the wedding, which I’m really upset about.”
“I think since I legally inherited the heirloom, I can do what I want with it.”
“I think he’s just upset because I ruined his expectations of one day inheriting it, but since my uncle and cousins agree with him enough that they’re not coming to the wedding, I’m not so sure I’m in the right.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“YTA. You are being very selfish and short-sighted.”
“‘We both want to have quite a lavish wedding’”
“And in your late 30s, you can’t afford that without hocking something important to your family? Yikes.” – lihzee
“Technically, you can sell it because it’s yours but YTA for caring more about a ridiculously lavish wedding that will break the bank than you do for your relationship with your brother or your dad’s tradition.”
“If your dad had known that you were going to sell it, he would have left it to your brother. I hope your lavish wedding is worth it to you.” – Pepper-90210
“YTA, if you sell the item, don’t be surprised if it ruins your relationship with your brother forever.”
“All for what? So you can brag about your wedding to friends while looking at pictures that don’t include anyone on your side of the family.” – Cannabis-aficionado
“YTA.”
“I am the receiver of a family heirloom. Passed from mother to daughter on and on. I am the last to receive it. It came over on the Mayflower. From me, it’s going to a museum in Massachusetts.”
“You could have given it to your brother. People hate destination weddings.” – Hazelsmom64
“YTA”
“Your father trusted you with this item for whatever reason. You don’t care about it for whatever reason, but why didn’t you just give it to your brother or another family member?”
“You knew your family cared a lot for it, don’t act surprised they’re not joining you on your special day. You messed up big time.” – Moancy
“Yes, YTA.”
“As soon as I read you have a brother, I realized how selfish and self-centered you are.”
“It’s been passed down through your family for generations, and while you don’t care about traditions, your brother would have greatly appreciated it, and it’s likely what your dad would have rather you had done with it.”
“And if your marriage doesn’t work out in the future (anything can happen), you’ll be an even bigger a** for selling it.” – No_Yogurtcloset_1020
“This is a FAMILY heirloom, and while it doesn’t mean anything to you apparently, it does have meaning to your brother.”
“So yeah, you can sell it, that’s your right, just as it’s his and the rest of your family’s not to attend your wedding if you do.”
“So I’m gonna say YTA, not for selling it, but for acting like your brother has no right to be upset about it.”
“”Edit: I just saw your response to the bot where you say this heirloom is centuries old. I’ve changed my mind, YTA for selling it, way to bury the lead.” – Rhades
“YTA, legally being able to do something doesn’t mean it is the right thing to do. I doubt your dad would have given you the heirloom if he knew you would sell it off like it was nothing.”
“Your brother didn’t convince anyone to be mad or not to go, I bet he just told them, and they made those decisions mostly on their own.”
“You probably should have thought that all out before making a selfish, self-centered decision.” – kspi7010
“YTA”
“Out-of-your-budget weddings are silly, to begin with. Selling a family heirloom that apparently means a lot to the rest of your family to do so is just selfish.”
“I do not blame them for not wanting to go.” – rainbow_minniemouse
“YTA. This wedding is ONE day.”
“While you might not care about tradition or family heirlooms, it is such a shame that you’re willing to sell it to fund a ONE-day event.”
“An event that will not have your family in attendance. Yes, it is yours to do as you please, but it obviously means quite a bit to your brother (with good reason), and I can see why he’s upset.” – SatelliteBeach123
“YTA. You prioritized funding your wedding over your relationship with your brother, and now you’re experiencing the consequences of your own actions.”
“Sit down and think about whether your dream wedding is really worth this.” – hellolittlebears
“I was torn until I remembered that I have my great-grandmother’s watch. It’s solid gold and 100+ years old.”
“My grandmother wore it every day. It came to me because I am the oldest. If I sold it for something I didn’t really need, my sister and brother would be devastated.”
“It represents a lifetime of memories of our grandparents, and we regularly bring it out to show the grandkids. I am merely the curator of this item, and one day I’ll give it to another descendant.”
“In light of how you say your brother and father felt about it, I think YTA for indulging your more superficial needs.” – loverlyone
“YTA. Also, if you think this wedding is going to be the most important event in your life… that’s just plain sad.” – Prior-Document-4128
“If it didn’t mean much to you, why not give it to your brother?”
“If you couldn’t afford your wedding without having to sell the heirloom, you should have done a better job with saving money.”
“YTA” – mdthomas
“YTA, why would your family want anything to do with someone who sold an expensive family heirloom to pay for a wedding? You dishonored your father’s memory.”
“And crapped all over your other relatives that this heirloom meant something too.” – gramsknows
“YTA. It’s a family heirloom. If you don’t want to respect it, pass it to another family member.” – Broad_Poetry_9657
“YTA.”
“It’s family legacy, ie, to be passed down. Not a gift to you to pay for your wedding. And that difference is pretty clear to most of us.” – NatashOverWorld
“YTA. I mean, ultimately, it’s yours but kiss your relationship with your brother goodbye.”
“You’d sell something that he and your dad shared an interest in, that he wants, so you can throw one big party for yourself.”
“Can’t get more selfish than that. But it’s legally yours, so do what you want.” – Weekend_Breakfast
“‘(the reason it went to me and not to him is that this has been traditionally passed to first-born sons).’”
“You got the heirloom instead of your younger brother for the sake of tradition. The same way your father got the heirloom to keep instead of his brothers.”
“So it is safe to assume that your father didn’t bestow the heirloom on you because he wanted you to have the monetary value. He trusted you with it because of the family tradition.”
“Or was your father aware that you couldn’t be bothered with the tradition, that you did not plan on having any children to pass the heirloom on, and that you would sell it instead of keeping it in the family?”
“You are indeed in your legal right to sell it, but the question still remains:”
“What do you value more?”
“-The monetary value of the heirloom.”
“- The relationship with your family who values the family tradition of the heirloom, and the memory of your father who bequeathed it to you so you could honor that same tradition?”
“You can decide AITA yourself.” – DoIwantToKnow6417
Well, the OP’s wedding will surely be a day he never forgets.