Infidelity in a relationship is often a dealbreaker for people.
Infidelity that results in children adds a whole new layer to the feelings of betrayal.
A man had a child with the woman he had an affair with, then lied to his wife and daughter for over a decade.
After the woman he cheated on his wife with died, he was left with a 12-year-old child to take care of.
After his actions caused a conflict with his wife and daughter, he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Ok-Proof-6414 asked:
“AITA for asking my wife and daughter to leave the house if they don’t want to reside with my son?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My wife Rachel (35, female) and I (35, male) have been married for many years now, and I also have a daughter Lia (14, female).”
“I am not proud to admit it, but I had another child while I was married to Rachel through another relationship. That’s Aiden (12, male).”
“I kept it as a secret from them, and I paid child support to his mother. I was meeting absolutely all of their expenses. She herself had a good job anyway.”
“She passed away recently, and Aiden was alone.”
“I did not want my son to suffer like that, without any parents. The reason I did not reveal his identity to Rachel and Lia is that I did not want to cause a fight, but now I had no choice.”
“I went through all the proper procedures to get custody of Aiden. I made him live in my house.”
“My wife and Lia did not take it well. They went absolutely ballistic when they learned about him, and Rachel screamed about how I shouldn’t even dare to think of letting him take even a step inside.”
“Lia was saying the same stuff. But I did not back down, and they eventually had to be fine with the decision.”
“They have been absolutely livid about it, and Rachel has been demanding to get Aiden away from the house. I told her that I am not going to do that, and warned her against doing anything to him.”
“Lia got mad and asked me whether I value ‘someone who was born out of a whore’, and I lost my temper.”
“I got up and asked them to ‘get the f*ck out of my house’ if they do not want to reside with Aiden.”
“In the end Rachel was crying and they’re not talking to me now.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.Â
“I think I was wrong to address them like that as they’re my family, after all, and I should’ve been more respectful towards them, etc…”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors unanimously declared the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
“‘Am I the a**hole for destroying the lives of three people?’ There fixed it for you, dumba**.” ~ Used-Bug-7749
“You’re kidding right?”
“You actually typed out this story where you cheated on your wife, got another woman pregnant, lied about it for over a decade, then out of the blue told your wife and daughter that your affair baby was moving in and if they didn’t like it they could leave.”
“You wrote ALL that out and you think theres some universe where you aren’t in the wrong here‽‽”
“YTA and an ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE ONE. Congrats you have just nuked your marriage and your daughter will likely never forgive you.” ~ HUNGWHITEBOI25
“YTA. Honestly, doesn’t sound like he ever cared about his wife or daughter. But wife should take him for all he’s got.”
“He’s rich right? He can just donate a couple million to his wife and daughter.”
“He’s acting like everyone else is the problem for not just giving in to him.” ~ cx4444
“YTA. Maybe I’m reading way too far into it, but it almost sounds like misogyny/he doesn’t like/respect women, as a whole.”
“Son’s feelings more important than wife/daughter. Rich, and has enough money to find another wife (since, you know, they are totally disposable). Cheating. I could go on.”
“I hope wife/daughter take him to the cleaners, and he’s not so rich anymore. They deserve it.” ~ Hippopotasaurus-Rex
“YTA. You boned another woman while married, got her pregnant, then lied to your wife for 12 years about it (it’s called lying through omission).”
“You didn’t want to start a fight? How’d that work out?”
“Hope you enjoy being a divorced dad. Wife will probably leave you for good and daughter will probably go no contact. Deservedly so. You sound vile.” ~ Shuruga36
“You’re not an a-hole for taking in your son. But for everything else? Huge YTA.”
“YTA for having an affair.”
“YTA for having a child whom you don’t even mention to your family for all this time. Your wife. Your daughter.”
“YTA for paying child support in secret.”
“YTA for destroying the lives of two of the people who should be the most important people in your life.” ~ DogsReadingBooks
“But he’s RICH!”
“It’s HIS house!”
“So there is no way HE could possibly be the a**hole here.”
“This guy is so delusional it’s scary. He might just win ahole of the year otherwise. I am angry on behalf of everyone in his life.” ~ Lamacorn
“YTA. This situation your family is in is your fault. YOU cheated on your wife.”
“YOU kept it a secret and now YOU sprung a secret like this on them with no warning and now they have to live with a stranger and treat him like a son/brother with 0 adjustment time.”
“Resentment and anger is to be expected. You need to give them time to get used to the situation at hand.”
“You stepped out on your marriage and now you’re putting your secret son at a higher priority than your wife and daughter? Father and husband of the year.”
“You should have integrated the son into your family’s life, not catapulted in this huge curveball and said, ‘If you don’t like it, leave’.”
“And you know who your son is going to blame for the scorn he gets from his sister? You, the person who is to blame. Congrats on alienating your whole family.” ~ offbrandbarbie
“If you had been honest from the very beginning, it would have been better for everyone.”
“I feel so sorry for your wife and Lia. They were completely blindsided, and you’re prancing about like ‘how dare you not want to live with my affair child you only just found out about’.”
“As if finding out you cheated wasn’t bad enough, they didn’t even have time to take a breath before you forced Aiden into their lives.”
“But I also feel sorry for Aiden. You dropped that poor kid like a bomb on your family, and he’ll have to suffer the repercussions of something that isn’t his fault.”
“He probably feels so small right now. And it’s all your fault.”
“You’re really something.”
“YOU should be the one to leave the house. YOU are the problem. YTA.” ~ littlehappyfeets
“YTA—you dropped multiple bombs on Rachel in one go without giving her time to deal with either one properly.
“She found out:”
“1. You cheated and 2. You had a son and kept it from her 3. You paid child support for years without telling her 4. You took on sole custody of your son.” ~ skibumm99
“YTA. Your wife doesn’t want to know your affair child who’s suddenly been introduced into her life? How strange…”
“OK, you are in a tough spot, your son needs you, and you have to step up. But this is entirely of your own making.”
“Have an affair child? Tell your wife. Then she could decide, and wouldn’t have this thrust upon her out of the blue when son is 12 years old.”
“But your response is ‘Only my opinion counts. You have to accept him.”
“Spoiler alert OP, she doesn’t. She can divorce you. And she probably will, after all you’ve already told her to ‘get the F out of YOUR house’.”
“It’s their house, too, OP. So. YTA. Big time.” ~ boredathome1962
“YTA. You just showed up home one day and dropped the news to your wife and kid that you cheated on your wife for years and even have a child outside of marriage.”
“You then have the audacity to expect them to be okay with your son just moving in and living with them as a ‘big happy family’. Man, come on.” ~ bookworm1698
“YTA. You broke your family, you betrayed your wife, and you’re blaming them for being upset. And before you pat yourself on the back, you’re not a good father to Aiden either.”
“Keeping him a secret for years and then moving him in with people he doesn’t know who have every reason to be unhappy with him even existing is extremely f*cked.”
“You are the reason for everything wrong here, you f*cked it up for everybody, and you are the a**hole.” ~ dryadduinath
“It’s almost like dishonesty and lack of morals are resulting in trouble.”
“You’re so far off the moral high ground from the get-go that any reaction anyone else has will still leave you in YTA territory, where you deserve to be.” ~ UnequalPenguin
The OP added a response to their judgment.
“No, I don’t want Lia absent from my life. And Aiden is also ‘my own son’. I have the right to bring him to my house as his father.
“For those who’re gleefully saying that they hope Rachel divorces me: I’d rather have Aiden in my house than to live with Rachel (or Lia) without him. I am rich, and I can make my own path & find another wife if I want to.”
“Absolutely nothing justifies calling his mother a ‘whore’ like Lia did. Using that language absolutely blames him, his mother and is ostracism. Also, yes, Rachel also called his mother a whore, not just Lia. I forgot to mention that.”
“And yes, it is my house. It’s theirs as well, but not legally. I own it.”
“Yes, I gave them time to process it, I did not bring Aiden in all of a sudden. Just to clarify.”
The OP didn’t seem interested in getting honest feedback.
Things don’t look good for his marriage or his family.