Talking about sex and intimacy can be uncomfortable.
Especially THE TALK between parents and kids.
It has to happen eventually.
The key is to do it in the most comfortable way possible, but that’s not always the way things pan out.
Case in point…
Redditor Icy_Bat6703 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for wanting to move in with my aunt and uncle because I’m uncomfortable with my parents’ sex life?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Please let me preface this by saying that I’m not homophobic, and I don’t care if people want to live that way.”
“It’s publicly frowned upon in my country, but my parents always had a more progressive and Western view.”
“I don’t share all their beliefs, but I agree that it is not up to me to judge how a stranger lives his or her life if it doesn’t affect me.”
“My parents have always been close with another couple (Kolya and Vika).”
“When Kolya and my father were doing their mandatory military service, my mother and I moved in with Vika.”
“We still live very close to them and see them almost daily.”
“On Saturday, I was at a friend’s birthday.”
“He lives closer to Vika and Kolya’s flat, and I usually just sleep there instead of walking all the way home.”
“It’s also safer because our neighborhood can be a bit dangerous at night, especially if you’re drunk and tired.”
“I had asked Vika if I could sleep there again, and she said she wouldn’t be there, but it would be no problem.”
“Their guest room is located behind their room, so I had to go through the bedroom to get there.”
“When I went by the bed, I saw 2 people sleeping in there.”
“One was Kolya and the other was my father. “
“They weren’t wearing shirts.”
“I didn’t think right at that moment and just went to the guest room.”
“The next day, they were both in the kitchen and eating breakfast.”
“I asked why my father was there, and he said he would explain when we go home.”
“It was an uncomfortable atmosphere.”
“At home, my mother apologized because I wasn’t meant to find out that way, but they both forgot that I was sleeping there.”
“She explained that they sometimes meet with Vika and Kolya to have sex.”
“It was a shock to hear because I always saw them as an Aunt and Uncle.”
“I told them that I need time to get my mind around it.”
“That was three days ago, and the longer I think about it, the more it makes me uncomfortable.”
“When I think about interacting with them, it makes me uncomfortable.”
“I asked my Aunt and Uncle if I could move in with them for some time.”
“They said it would be fine, and I could move in with them this weekend.”
“My cousin (who is very Westernized) asked me why I wanted to move in with them, and I told her what happened.”
“She said I shouldn’t be so prejudiced and that it was none of my business what they were doing in the bedroom.”
“But I disagree because this affects me, and it does make me uncomfortable, so I don’t want to stay with them at this time.”
“What they are doing is unnatural, and I don’t want to be near that.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Well, the parents already have made a great error.”
“They explicitly said they didn’t intend for OP to find out this way.”
“Their failure to be conscientious about when their kid would potentially be around to witness this likely caused a more much intense reaction.”
“They have handled this poorly so far.” ~ Kubuubud
“Most children are uncomfortable with their parents having sex with ANYONE.”
“Including each other…”
“Because children aren’t supposed to find out about their parents’ sex lives.”
“That doesn’t mean the parents are wrong to have a sex life.”
“At the end of the day, the kid has to understand their parents are adults with a life beyond parenting them.”
“It doesn’t make them bad parents.” ~ PepperyDeer
“Feelings are never wrong, however our reactions to them can be.”
“She is entitled to feel however she wants about her parent’s sex life.”
“Most of us find it an uncomfortable topic.”
“However, deciding her discomfort equates to her folks being immoral or unfit parents is inaccurate.” ~ SledgeLaud
“What’s up for debate isn’t whether it’s wrong for the parents to have a sex life, though.”
“It’s whether it’s wrong for the child to feel uncomfortable and act on it, not by saying anything hateful to anyone, but by taking space she feels she needs.”
“Children are very vulnerable people.”
“They need space and time to process things.”
“It’s a parent’s job, as the adult, to maintain good boundaries (I say this in general; I’m not accusing her parents, I know it was an accident) and help kids discover the complicated parts of life gently.”
“It’s ‘really’ important.” ~ Crooked-Bird-0
“Whom does it hurt?”
“Well, their minor child, for one.”
“It is not realistic to expect children who have only been exposed to ‘marriage vows means that couple has sex with each other and anything else is cheating’ to all of a sudden be super cool with the situation.”
“They set her up for failure, especially due to how she found out.”
“Plus, most kids (especially, again, minors whose brains are still cooking) want to know absolutely nothing, less than nothing actually, about their parents’ sex life which goes double when it’s an unusual sexual lifestyle such as swinging.” ~ crystalzelda
OP came back with some info…
“I’m a 15-year-old girl.”
“And I do not think that homosexuality is unnatural.”
“I meant that my parents are betraying their marriage vows by having sex with other people is unnatural.”
“I need to make some things more clear…”
“I’m not moving out forever.”
“My parents and I talked and decided it would be best if I spent some time away.”
“I love them very much, but I just need some space now”
“My father and Kolya were sleeping.”
“It was 4 in the morning, and I tried to be quiet and get to the guest room.”
“I was not fully drunk.”
“It was a friend’s birthday, and we celebrated.”
“Technically I’m not allowed to drink, but my parents and all my friend’s parents let us do it if we are responsible.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA She’s just a teen.”
“And she’s uncomfortable with her parents being swingers.”
“The lot of you don’t even try to think about the child’s feelings.”
“She’s 15 LEGALLY A CHILD!!” ~ DayDreamSovereign
“She’s 15; she has the morals her parents gave her.”
“If they had been open about this her whole life, it would probably be no biggie.”
“That they aren’t living the life that matches the morals they raised their kids believing they did is their fault.”
“I can’t raise a guided dig and be mad it makes a sh*tty guard dog, and I can’t raise my son thinking I’m straight-laced and expect him not to freak when he finds out I’m a hippie.” ~ Jackisntasquirrel
“People forget this child was educated by her parents.”
“They failed to include any discussion on what loving relationships look like outside of a two-person marriage and are now shocked she is uncomfortable with something they did not prepare her for.”
“They played themselves.”
“There are absolutely ways to open up your child to different lifestyles without outing yourself if they felt she wasn’t ready to find out which, clearly, she wasn’t.” ~ crystalzelda
“She isn’t comfortable.”
“She has the right to feel that way.”
“She states that what is IMMORAL or UNNATURAL to her is sleeping with other people while married.”
“And that is okay.”
“She went to her aunt and uncle’s.”
“That is okay, too. OP you are NTA.”
“This kind of thing has to be shocking, especially at your age, when you may or may not know about things like swingers.” ~ stasiasmom
“That’s exactly it.”
“She’s allowed to be bothered by it. Our enlightened elite tend to always go with their extreme absolutes in these situations.”
“A 15-year-old girl has every right to be upset.”
“She’s NTA… not even close.”
“But those who say she is ARE TAH here.” ~ NoSpankingAllowed
“It makes complete sense the OP is uncomfortable with learning this information.”
‘No one wants to hear about their parents’ sex life, no one wants to hear about their family friend’s sex life – and the OP got to learn about both at once.”
“But, the OP does need to work on this opinion that they’re ‘betraying their marriage.'”
“These are adults engaging in consensual relationships where all members of each couple are agreeing to this arrangement.”
“This ‘betrayal’ position is inaccurate and judgemental.”
“Last point – they likely don’t qualify as ‘swingers.'”
“This seems like a committed polyamorous relationship with one other couple, whereas ‘swingers’ would imply they’re out hooking up with different configurations of people.” ~ 0biterdicta
“NTA. If you don’t want to live in a poly household, that’s your right.” ~ zippy_zaboo
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You’re probably still in shock.
You’re allowed to have thoughts and reactions about how your parents’ behavior is making you feel.
You’re not trying to control their lives. You’re just grappling with the situation.
A little distance doesn’t sound like a bad idea.
Hopefully, in time, you can all come to an understanding.
Good luck.