Being concerned about the health of others is commendable. But bullying people to try to force them to meet someone else’s expectations is rarely effective.
A young woman who reached her limit with the body-shaming woman in her father’s life wondered if her reaction to the latest incident went too far.
She turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor hopefullyhappytaurus asked:
“AITA for rejecting a gift my dad’s girlfriend bought me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hey, I want a perspective on this issue that I had the other day. I honestly understand why my dad is mad at me but I just don’t want to put up with this anymore, and some members of the family are siding with them.”
“My dad’s girlfriend is a person who is kind of difficult to be with. She is usually very entitled and she describes herself as honest when she is just mean.”
“And she usually body shames us.”
“To some context, she was a very fat girl who suffered bullying about her weight. This made her change her lifestyle to an extremely ‘healthy’ one.”
“She goes 6 days a week to the gym and barely eats. She has gone to a ton of nutrition professionals and comes back super mad because apparently, they told her that she needs to eat more protein/vegetables/whatever.”
“Plus, she kinda hates the fact that she doesn’t have a waist like a Kardashian.”
“Like she has super unrealistic beauty standards.”
“Of course, she has lost a ton of weight and she is a very beautiful woman, even before her weight loss journey. Sadly, her personality changed a lot.”
“She hates people that are fat or that don’t work out or that are comfortable with having a little fat on their bodies. I say hate because she literally hates it, thinks that all fat people are miserable in their lives and that people that don’t go to the gym are unhappy with themselves.”
“To be clear, I am not an athletic person.”
“I do not work out and I don’t feel the need to burn every calorie that I eat, so I am not precisely thin, more like a medium girl.”
“And every-f’king-time I come here she is in my room telling me: ‘You should have thinner arms, so you are more attractive’, ‘You should consider a breast reduction and have some fat removed from the butt, just saying’, ‘I love your waist but is purely because of the fat you have in there if you lost it you would be a square’ and a lot more.”
“This Saturday I turn 19, and my dad and she came to give me my present early.”
“She got me a dress that was extremely tiny, like an extra-small (when I am visibly a large), and she proceeds to tell me ‘Happy early birthday! I bought it 1 size smaller so you can motivate yourself into losing some weight, so no need to have cake today or Saturday haha. And no exchange is possible so you can have more motivation!’.”
“I just smiled and thanked her but told her I didn’t want it, I felt very pressured by her and I didn’t think she came to me in a friendly type of way. I am happy with my body and I don’t care if I am fat or thin in her eyes.”
“She was shocked and went to their car to wait for my dad. He later called me and told me that I was very ungrateful and that she just was trying to help.”
“I told him that she wasn’t, she just can’t stand people that are not like her.
“I want to clarify that I don’t hate her at all, but she needs to stop body-shaming people. It is not normal to be this obsessed with other people’s weight and I am sorry to be comfortable with having a tummy or wider legs, but that doesn’t bother her existence so she has to leave me alone.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. But wow the girlfriend sure is. I was impressed that she made a point to tell you that the dress couldn’t be exchanged.”
“Well I guess the girlfriend has a new dress. Her comments about not eating cake is body shaming.”
“Too bad that your father doesn’t understand that.” ~ wind-river7
“I’m 5’1 and 105lbs and even I can’t fit into a xsmall. I wear a S to M.”
“This girlfriend obviously knows nothing about being healthy and has unrealistic body standards.”
“OP – NTA, what she did was body-shaming and ridiculous. At your height you’d have to be, almost, malnourished to fit into that dress.”
“She was rude and you did nothing wrong.” ~ bookworm1421
“The correct response to a gift like that is ‘Thanks, I needed more cleaning rags. It should tear up nicely’.”
“NTA. Avoid the girlfriend and your dad as much as possible.”
“No one needs to put up with constant body shaming from someone who clearly has serious mental health issues about their own body.” ~ Far_Administration41
“Right?! OPs dad is also an AH for saying she was ungrateful instead of supporting her when she was clearly being bullied.” ~ seecarlytrip
“NTA, the girlfriend is unwell and the dad is putting up with it at the expense of his kids.” ~ Here_for_tea_
“The cake thing especially! Shaming someone into not having cake on their birthday is just completely bonkers.”
“Plus if she really was so ‘healthy’ she would understand that part of losing weight or staying a healthy weight is your mental relationship to food. People with a healthy relationship to food (i.e. aren’t losing their sh*t for eating a slice of their own birthday cake) are more likely to keep weight off or maintain a weight they feel good in.” ~ Snarkefeller
“NTA. Your dad’s girlfriend is a monster. She is a mean, condescending, judgmental body-shaming jerk and it’s creepy how obsessed she is with your body.”
“She is concern trolling you. There’s no way in hell she bought that dress with good intentions.”
“She bought it either to shame you or to keep it for herself. All of this is 90% her fault and 10% your dad’s fault for not shutting her down.”
“They need to apologize to you! You have nothing to apologize for!!!”
“It sounds like you don’t see them often but maybe you should see and talk to them even less or only see your dad without her. Good luck.” ~ slothsandunicorns
“NTA ‘here I got you a reminder I think you’re fat! Ruin your birthday!’.” ~ whatdoyoumeancookie
“‘Happy birthday! I hate myself and you should too!’.” ~ siani_lane
“NTA. For her next birthday buy her an XXXL dress and tell her 90% of people who lose weight gain it back and you wanted to give her something to wear for when she’s too fat to fit into her clothes.” ~ Mountain_Pupper_7809
“Buy her a pair of shoes two sizes too small, so she can train to have more delicate feet.” ~ Pizzazze
“I would be very tempted to ask her ‘Oh, have you gained weight? Your clothes look a little tighter/stretched out’ every time I see her.” ~ strega42
The OP returned to provide a few more details.
“Well, I didn’t expect the attention this is getting.”
“But to clarify some things:”
“Thanks to all the people telling me that I should workout and eat less! Thank you for your concern about my weight and my existence!”
“If you want more information I am a female 5’7″ tall and weight 149 lbs. If you are smart enough, search what BMI is and you will see that I am at a healthy weight.”
“No, I do not live with them. I go there some days a week.”
“My mom is siding with me at all cost and being super supportive. Don’t bring her into this or question where she is because this is NOT her fault.”
“I wanted to say that I am trying to read everything and all the revenge ideas are so petty, but I am starting to think that she might have an eating disorder or some kind of problem regarding the weight subject.”
“Any of this revenge might trigger her disorders and I do not support that. You are very funny though!”
The OP is comfortable in her own skin.
Hopefully someday her father’s girlfriend can find that same happiness instead of lashing out at others.