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Bride Livid After Fiancé Forbids Her From Letting Her Gay Best Friend Be Her Man Of Honor

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Redditor Thrwawayvivalavida is a 40-year-old male who is in the doghouse after upsetting his fiancée while discussing wedding plans.

His fiancée Hanna is a 28-year-old woman with whom he was planning to tie the knot next July.

The argument stemmed from her not wanting a maid of honor (MOH) at their wedding, citing she had no close girlfriend.

Instead, she chose to appoint her male friend, who allegedly said he was gay, as the MOH.

The Redditor strongly objected but came up with an ultimatum as a solution that backfired.

Now that there’s trouble in paradise on the road to exchanging vows, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (subReddit) and asked:

“AITA for wanting my female friend at our wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I recently proposed to my gf, call her Hanna and our wedding is next July.”

“As we’re organising the bridal party the issue came up that Hanna doesn’t have any close girl friends.”

“Her best friends are all guys and while I’ve accepted It and am not jealous (I was at first I admit but got over it,) she said she just wants a best man not a MOH [maid of honor] and no bridesmaids which is weird IMO.”

“My family is traditional, I know they won’t like it if she has no bridesmaids there and a guy instead.”

“My Dad already thinks Hanna’s relationship with Her male best friend is inappropriate & she shouldn’t be so close to another guy when she’s in a long term relationship.”

“Tbh I don’t like her ‘best friend,’ either, I feel like he doesn’t like me and wants to turn Hanna against me but I hold my tongue because I know she’d get mad if I told her.”

“I said she should choose some girls as bridesmaids instead, but Hanna refused saying she’s not close enough to any girls.”

“I suggested she could ask her two sisters, which upset her because she has been N/C with her family for about 10 yrs.”

“I pointed out this could be a good chance for her and her sisters to reconnect, honestly I think no matter what issues you have family should be at your wedding. She kept stubbornly refusing.”

“Hanna kept saying that she didn’t care about having bridesmaids/a MOH, she just wants her best friend there.”

“She said he is like her family and he was there for her when she went N/C with her real family, she really wants him at ‘her’ wedding. I kept trying to explain why it made me uncomfortable, but she just wouldn’t listen.”

“She said it was unfair and claims there is no way Jack is romantically interested in her (he says he’s gay.) In the end I said that fine, she could have a guy in her side of the party, but only if I could have a girl in my side.”

“Well, Hanna said that was fine and that she didn’t mind but that quickly changed when I said who I wanted to invite; my ex Gf, call her ‘Sasha’ (34F,).”

“Hanna said that it was one thing to want a friend at the wedding and another to invite an ex. but Sasha and I were together for 7 years, and now we are still on good terms, so I would say she’s a friend and since we were together so long I think she is just as much family to me as hanna’s friend is to her.”

“I said that it was hypocritical for Hanna to get jealous of me wanting a female friend there when she wants her male friend to be there.”

“She said it is different, but I think it’s the same thing if not worse on her end (Sasha doesn’t have an issue with Hanna but I think her friend doesn’t seem to like me, even if he’s never said outright.) she brought up how my parents (mainly my Dad) keep saying they want me to get back with Sasha, which isn’t even my fault!”

“I said either Jack goes and she ask her sisters to be bridesmaids or I get to have Sasha in the wedding party. Hanna isn’t talking to me now. AITA?”

Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

Many Redditors saw red flags in their relationship. They also did not look upon the OP favorably in their comments.

“YTA. You KNOW it’s different to have a friend there than an ex-partner, and pretending like it isn’t any different is a sh**ty, gaslighty thing to do.”

“Trying to get her to ‘reconnect’ with her family is also not your place- she went NC for a reason. You say she won’t listen but honestly it sounds like you’re the one who’s being stubborn and refusing to listen.”

“Also, what’s this whole ‘he says he’s gay’ bullsh*t that sounds vaguely homophobic? If he doesn’t like you, it’s probably for a reason. This is a sh**ty ultimatum you’ve given your fiancée and I would apologize ASAP before she heads for the hills.” – Loud-Leading-1414

“OP is a walking 🚩. He’s homophobic and petty, two qualities unnecessary for marriage with someone who has a gay BFF.” – ChiquitaBananaKush

“Yes. 100% yta here. Let me explain why:”

‘My family is traditional, I know they won’t like it.’

“Your family will not be getting married. You and Hanna will. Having a maid of honour/best man should be about choosing who you want to stand next to you and join you in celebrating one of the biggest days of your life. Only the people being celebrated should matter when the bridal/groom party are chosen.”

‘I don’t like her “best friend,” either, I feel like he doesn’t like me and wants to turn Hanna against me.’

“You’ve already admitted that you were jealous of her having mostly male friends. This sounds to me like he’s never given you a VALID reason to think he dislikes you. You sound jealous.”

‘I said she should choose some girls . . . could ask her two sisters.’

“She’s not close to any girls, and there aren’t any she wants to pick. Hanna is 28, if she’s been N/C with her sisters for TEN YEARS that means she cut contact as soon as she turned eighteen. There’s usually a damn good reason for that,and it’s sh**ty as hell for you to suggest she message them just because YOU don’t like her best friend.”

‘She said he is like her family and he was there for her when she went N/C with her real family.’

“This is 100% fair and valid of her to think. He’s known her for years, she should have every right to have him as her best man.”

‘(he says he’s gay.)’

“This, once again, sounds like jealousy. The way you worded it make it sound like you don’t believe that he is. It’s also homophobic, since you seem to think he’s claiming this to be predatory towards women. Gross.”

‘Well, Hanna said that was fine and that she didn’t mind but that quickly changed when. . . I wanted to invite; my ex Gf.’

“Your FIANCEE doesn’t want you having a girl you were in a 7 year long term relationship standing by your side. You’ve only picked Sasha because you’re trying to prove a point. Also, wouldn’t your traditional family be against you having a woman there? If no, then the problem wasn’t her having a non traditional bridal party: it’s them (and you!!) trying to control the bride.”

‘she brought up how my parents (mainly my Dad) keep saying they want me to get back with Sasha, which isn’t even my fault!’

“No, not your fault. But there’s no way in hell you’re too dense to understand WHY this could make Hanna uncomfortable. Especially if your dad already expresses his unneeded opinions on Hanna’s relationships with her friends.”

‘I said either Jack goes and she ask her sisters to be bridesmaids or I get to have Sasha in the wedding party.’

“So you said that if your fiancee doesn’t exclude her closest friend or contact people who possibly traumatised her, you’re gonna have your ex girlfriend stand beside you at the altar. Wow. You’ve given her an ultimatum for the people she wants to spend the big day with, and her options aren’t even semi decent.”

“Yeah, YTA. Big time. I suggest counseling if you’re serious about having a healthy relationship with her. Otherwise, break it off and let her find a man who might actually love her the way she deserves.” – rabbit_rocket

“YTA. Her gay best friend vs a 7 year ex girlfriend? Your parents ‘liking’ her choice in wedding party being more important to you than her feelings? Insisting she make her sisters her bridesmaids even though she is no contact? Dude, do you actually even like your fiance?” – yachtiewannabe

Overall, Redditors saw red flags and thought the OP was being jealous and simultaneously homophobic in regards to Hannah’s close friend.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a New York-based actor and writer. Originally hailing from Los Angeles, he received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese. Disney parks are his passion, and endless cups of coffee are a necessity. Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1