While we all like to see the best in people, we also know that there are some people out there who will try to take advantage of others.
And when we’re living with or married to a person like this, it can be a lot harder to leave the negative situation behind, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
After her fiancé moved in, Redditor Content_Profession63 realized that her relationship might not be everything she was hoping for.
But when her fiancé went so far as to insult her business, the Original Poster (OP) knew the situation had gone too far.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to buy my fiancé a gaming laptop for a few grand after he told me to find a real job?”
The OP’s fiancé recently moved into her house.
“My fiancé (37 Male) and I (30 Female) started living together 6 months ago.”
“I own a house and he moved in with me. I run an online business from home which allows me to live rather comfortably.”
“A month after moving in, he quit his job, saying how much he hated it and that he’s going to try and do Twitch streaming for a living.”
“I’m all for following your passion, so I was supportive, although surprised at the turn of events. I am in a financial position to support us both, but it felt off.”
But her fiancé’s plan didn’t work out.
“Anyway, nothing happened with his Twitch channel. Sure, he’s gaming all day but hasn’t bothered to even try and create an account, he just games for pleasure.”
“It’s been 7 months. I’ve had conversations with him, suggesting he finds work, but he keeps telling me that I’m unsupportive and he needs time.”
The fiancé just seemed to want more and more.
“He wanted us to buy a bigger house together, but I said that I’m fine with my current one and that since he doesn’t have a job, I don’t want to get a mortgage and be left with paying everything.”
“He told me that if I found a real job, maybe I wouldn’t have financial problems.”
“We had a massive argument that night.”
The fiancé tried to use his birthday for his next big wish.
“Now, he’s been hinting at needing a new gaming laptop, which costs a few grand, and I’ve been ignoring it, so he asked outright for me to buy it for his birthday.”
“I told him no and that my fake job doesn’t cover new laptops.”
“He got really p**sed at me, telling me I’m selfish and am ruining his career.”
“Granted, I can afford to buy it but he really hurt me by saying my business is not a real job despite me working my a** off.”
“AITA for not buying him a new laptop?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: EveryBody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some questioned what the OP was even doing dating this guy.
“This boyfriend moved in with you, doesn’t have a job, and has the audacity to criticize your home and your job, and is asking you to buy him costly things?”
“Why are you with him again?” – Rstar2247
“I had one of these, too. Lost a huge amount of money in the last housing boom because they nixed every house purchase I was about to make because they wanted something different; insisted on expensive things.”
“I was young and foolish then, thought I was undateable, etc. Last I heard, they were still doing it to someone else.”
“OP, throw him out. There are much better men out there for you.” – 3mooseinatrenchcoat
“Storytime: During the pandemic, my boyfriend (and myself) were playing Warzone, and he became friends with another player named A. They played frequently enough that they would chat about their lives together.”
“This dude was 25, had no job, wasn’t in school, and just sat and gamed all day. His girlfriend was a full-time nurse who paid all bills and worked 50 hours a week. The man didn’t lift a finger around the house.”
“Naturally, my boyfriend, his friends, and I ripped on this dude for being a deadbeat. He eventually got mad enough that he quit playing with us (he was a whiny player).”
“Cue last summer, he hits my boyfriend up on Facebook to say hey… and to let us know his girlfriend had left him after 7 years of being together.”
“OP is letting her boyfriend be a mooch. She needs to tell him to get a job or leave.” – Emmiburr
“I was wondering what he brings to the relationship other than entitlement and laziness.”
“OP, NTA. He’s taking advantage of you.” – craftyallthetime
“But curious as to why you are referring to him as your fiancée and not your ex.”
“It felt off because it is.”
“He showed you exactly who he is. Please believe him and move on.”
“And instead of him worrying about what’s in your pockets, he needs to be worried about the fact that nothing is in his.”
“A partner makes deposits, not constant withdrawals.”
“Cut the cord.” – stinstin555
Others thought the guy was pushing to see how much he could get from the OP.
“NTA. Wow. So he saw you make money with your own business and decided you can be his sugar momma, while he follows his dream of being a professional gamer. Yeah, ya know what, no.”
“You have a real job, he has NO job and now he’s going through some early mid-life crisis trying to be some edgy famous gamer. Sorry, but he sounds like he’s 19. He’ll be 40 soon. He needs a real job, not you.” – Holmes221bBSt
“Generally, kept men don’t deliberately p**s off their sugar mommas, but you’ve managed to land yourself a guy who feels entitled to your house, your money, and who is dictating how you earn your living.”
“He can go kick rocks somewhere he pays rent.” – Sea-Mud5386
“NTA. Take a look at the post people, this guy is 37! 37, and his big career goal is to be a Twitch streamer. Not only should you not buy him a laptop you need to kick him to the curb, fast!” – BeringC
“He doesn’t even have a streaming account. So for 7 months of this ‘career’ of his, he’s just been playing video games, no streaming involved.”
“His career is sitting around and mooching off of OP, and putting her down so that she doesn’t realize she’s wasting her youth on this middle-aged a**hole.” – jesterinancientcourt
“What career? NTA.”
“I’m a straight woman but can I be your new boyfriend? You sound like you’re carrying all the weight here and instead of being happy for you (or even feeling lucky and grateful for being able to just f**k around for seven MONTHS and have zero consequences), this dude has become spoiled.”
“Does he do chores around the house at least? Show SOME form of appreciation?” – mangarooboo
“NTA. This has to be fake, right? Adults have to support themselves financially, OR, bring something to the table (like childcare or caregiving or homemaking) that balances them staying at home and not working.”
“You haven’t said that he devotes time and energy to shopping, meal planning, vacuuming, and dusting, doing the laundry, and making your home a comfortable and peaceful place.”
“If he is just a sitting like a lump in front of the computer while you feed him and attend to his needs like you are his Mom and he is 12, then that is a big red flag that he is never going to be the partner you deserve.”
“Give him the legal notice you need to give him to leave, 30 days or 60 days. Tell him this is ‘not working’ for you anymore. You were originally attracted to a functional adult, not a needy child.” – Allimack
While the subReddit could understand the OP feeling reluctant to leave a relationship that already involved living together and being engaged, they felt she would gain much more by leaving her fiancé behind than continuing to live together with him.
Rather than being a supportive partner, the fiancé was actively ridiculing his future wife’s business that she built on her own, as well as all of her accomplishments in that business, including being able to purchase her own home that she loved and having a comfortable living wage. For her to then be supportive of him leaving his job behind and trying to take up Twitch streaming should have been more than he could have dreamed of finding in a partner.
But like the OP said at the beginning of her post, something felt off about this sudden shift in her fiancé’s employment, and generally when something feels off to us, we should believe it. Just seven months later, the OP has started to see the fruits of those negative vibes that she felt, starting with a push for a bigger house and brand new gaming system.
Who knows what he would ask for next or if everything would ever really be enough?