Content Warning: Abusive Relationship, Financial Abuse, Food Insecurity
We’ve all heard the saying, ‘When it rains, it pours,’ and sometimes, that phrase is so true, it’s painful.
Because the last thing anyone needs is to go through a hard time and then realize they can’t lean on their loved ones during those tough moments in the way they thought they could, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Chocolate-Lab2520 was going through a stressful time, between getting ready for her wedding, moving into a new apartment, and having her purse stolen, cutting off all access to her money.
But that night, when her fiancé would not share food or buy dinner for her, while she had no money and the apartment’s fridge stood empty, the Original Poster (OP) heartwrenchingly realized she had another huge problem on her hands.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting by being upset that my fiancé let me go hungry?”
The OP was going through a lot of change and stress all at once.
“My fiancé and I JUST moved into a new apartment today, and have not had time to go grocery shopping.”
“Also, sadly enough for me, my purse was stolen while I was in a graduate class yesterday evening, so I currently do not have access to my funds.”
“I paid for the deposit as well as next month’s rent for the apartment, and have also been responsible for purchasing the living room furniture. My fiancé bought our bedroom furniture.”
The OP’s fiancé refused to help when it was time for dinner.
“Well, this evening, he asked what we should have for dinner, and I suggested a local Chinese takeout spot, as it is cheap and quick.”
“He responded with, ‘Okay, go get it,’ to which I asked if he was paying for it because, again, my cards were stolen!”
“He said, ‘Nope. Looks like you’ll have to find something else.'”
“I just went and continued unpacking my closet.”
He even withheld food from the OP.
“About 30 minutes later, he told me he’d be back and quickly left the apartment. When he returned, he had gotten himself takeout from a different place and also grabbed a frozen meal from a convenience store.”
“I was immediately frustrated because he didn’t mention food when he left, but I didn’t say anything.”
“Then, when he put the frozen meal away, he turned to me and pointed out, ‘That’s not your dinner. It’s my lunch tomorrow.'”
“That really caught me off guard. I got pretty upset and asked what he expected me to eat because we literally have no food in the apartment yet, and I won’t have access to any type of money until I can get to my bank tomorrow.”
“He literally just shrugged at me and then took his meal into our bedroom, where he ate while unpacking.”
The OP was incredibly overwhelmed.
“I won’t lie, I cried, and then I called my best friend, asking if she would please bring me snacks or something to get me through the night, because the last time I ate was at 7:00 AM.”
“My fiancé said that I was dramatic and that I’d be fine until I could go to the bank tomorrow to get cash.”
“My feelings are so hurt, because I do not understand how he could let me go hungry, even for just a night.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some urged the OP to get out of this relationship and living situation immediately.
“NOR. You’re not reacting enough. Why would you be moving in or engaged to someone who treats you this way? The whole point of being in a relationship is to care for one another and ease the burdens of things. What’s the point of a relationship where it’s fend for yourself? You can do that for yourself.” – Chemical_World_4228
“Wow! My dude didn’t even wait until they unpacked to show what a manipulative, selfish, douche nozzle he is!”
“Just remember, OP, this is the audition, everyone-is-on-their-best-behavior period. This is the best it’s ever going to be, and he showed you who he really is. Now it’s up to you to believe him and decide if this is your future, or your past!” – BadMom2Trans
“She needs to stop unpacking and start repacking IMMEDIATELY. I would leave him and never look back.” – Neweleni7
“NOR. I wouldn’t marry such an inconsiderate person.”
“I’d look into breaking the lease and getting the h**l out of that relationship/situation.”
“He has shown you who he is. Believe him and don’t take any of his crap.” – No_Profile_3343
“Please tell me this is rage bait! And if not, then PLEASE tell me he’s now your EX-fiancé.”
“Because WHAT?! These are the times that you’re supposed to be able to lean on him. He couldn’t have grabbed you something small?”
“Better yet, what if the tables were turned?? He’d be calling you every name in the book.”
“Trust me, this is an extremely selfish man. He is showing you he will not take care of you in your time of need. Get out!” – glammygomez
“I’m guessing this is a red pill guy who expects ‘his woman’ to handle all of the planning, grocery shopping, and cooking, with perfect hair, makeup, and dress already in place from the time he wakes up in the morning to after he goes to bed at night.”
“Going with that assumption, which I’d almost put money down is accurate, I’d bet he’s p**sed because he expected her to figure out the meals, and there’s a lowkey, unjustified feeling that she does nothing.”
“He sees her as lazy, and when he realized she isn’t HIS arranging food, he just did it himself, for himself and him alone, to prove a point. Unfortunately, the point he proved was that he’s not marriage material.”
“It’s over, OP. Get out while you still have a chance. Seriously, he showed what life is going to be like with him, and it’s not going to be ‘for richer and for poorer.’ It’s going to be, ‘what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is also mine.'” – quantam-foam
“This guy makes selfish a**holes look good. He isn’t even doing the bare minimum in this relationship and managed to get her to move in with him. It’s time for her to kick his a** out. She deserves so much better, and she is NEVER going to get it from him.” – BecGeoMom
Others agreed and reassured the OP that she deserved so much better.
“Girl, he left the apartment to go and buy food for himself and didn’t think to get you anything? What kind of man does that when he has a whole fiancée at home?”
“He should be thinking of you and taking care of you. Just imagine how he would act in more serious situations, like say if you were really sick or if you ever had a baby and needed to get stuff but couldn’t for whatever reason.”
“I’ll be real, that is just a complete red flag. NOR. I would have had the same reaction, and you are not being dramatic. Please throw all his stuff and suitcases outside, change the locks, and put the engagement ring money in savings.” – girlykimchi
“NOR. My ex, who was a liar, cheater, emotionally manipulative, emotionally unavailable, etc., etc., always ALWAYS made sure I ate, regardless of circumstances.”
“He’s a human trash can, but he would have gone to get me food, paid for it, and then given me some cash to hold me over until I got it figured out, or he would have given me one of his cards.”
“Don’t marry that guy. If he’s not willing to feed you at all, especially given these weird circumstances, in what other new and exciting ways is he going to fail and neglect you in the future? That mask is slipping, my friend. Get out while the gettin’s good. It’s downhill from here.” – Penelope_idris
“If we could only afford food for one, I’d starve before eating something that my wife needed to survive, and of course, like any normal couple, my wife would insist on splitting the little we had.” – Iko87iko
“If he really needed to not share food, there was no reason to bring the food back with him. To bring not only his meal but also extra for himself for the next day, and to tell the woman he plans to marry that she can’t have it while she’s going without? Disgusting.” – Sweet_Permission_700
“This makes me think of the scene in ‘LOST’ (spoiler alert, but it’s like 15 years old) where the husband can’t get his wife freed from bars on a drowning ship and refuses to leave her side, so they drown together… Meanwhile, this f**king twerp isn’t even doing the BARE MINIMUM.” – Ditto_Ditto_Ditto
“I would literally starve before she would. It’s not that hard to understand. She is my world. Totally jump in front of a bus for her. No questions.”
“Meanwhile, this guy can’t even be bothered to bring the OP back an egg roll or even a frozen dinner. Probably tells his friends how he treats her like a queen!” – GiddyGabby
“This is more than not bringing back food. It’s bringing himself back food and not sharing it! And THENNN shaming her for being hungry.”
“When we had little food (thankfully, it was a very rare situation), we would share what there was. Even if it was just a hike and just one apple or a granola bar left. Didn’t matter whose, it was split half and half.” – Holiday_Trainer_2637
The subReddit has seen some serious relationship red flags, but they were shocked to see someone actually withholding food and making their partner go hungry.
Not to mention, this was when they were engaged, when a couple is typically supposed to be the most in love, excited, and on the best behavior toward each other that they will ever be.
If the OP’s partner was treating her this way when they weren’t even unpacked in their apartment yet, she needed to make him pack right back up and leave.
Clearly, if he said his wedding vows to her, they would be hollow at best.