The holidays have a way of accentuating your emotions. If you’re feeling good, you’ll feel even better. But if you’re dealing with loss, the joy feels like a cruel joke.
Redditor AlonethisXmas7 lost his fiancée earlier this year, and has been dealing with the emotional fallout since. However, the holidays have presented a unique challenge and pain.
The original poster (OP) took his story to Reddit’s “Am I the A**hole” subReddit to see if he overreacted.
He asks:
“AITA For telling my late fianceè’s dad that I will call the police when he took the engagement ring?”
His story goes:
“My fiancée passed away last March from infection—she was dealing with organ failure and was becoming weaker. She was 25 and I’m 30.”
“I proposed to her at the hospital because the longer I waited the worse her condition got and we were only engaged for a few days.”
“She went into a coma and passed away. I was devastated and mad. I was mad at everyone and had so much anger and grief that I was too weak to deal with.”
“I just couldn’t deal with fact that I had no choice but to start to learn to live without her. It was incredibly hard phase and I’m still learning to adapt but I have some of her stuff that bring me comfort and a bit of joy.”
“This is my first Christmas without her and I wanted to do what I did every year and buy her a nice gift. But I don’t know where to take it, frankly.”
“Lately her dad has been contacting me wanted to come and take some of my fiancee’s stuff. Even though he already took what he wanted.”
“I told him to wait for me til I get home but he must’ve had the spare key that my fiancee had. It’s my apartment and He never returned it to me.”
“In two hours he called me and said that he already sorted through her stuff and took what he needed. I was pretty pissed at this point because there’s stuff that are sentimental to me and I had no idea what he took.”
“I got home and I found that among the stuff he took. Was my fianceè’s engagement ring. The reason I knew he took it is that the ring was in my closet not with her things, the way my clothes were scattered was an indicator he had no business going through my things and taking it.”
“I called him several times but only his wife (fiancee’s stepmom) responded. He called me back at 11pm and I asked him if he took the ring I proposed to my late fiancee with.”
“He avoided the question then said that he indeed took it. I lost it I told him he had no right to even be in my bedroom and take something that belongs to me.”
“He corrected me saying the ring was on his daughter’s finger before she passed away therefor it was hers and he gets to keep it.”
“I argued with him and told him I paid for the ring and also and more importantly is that this ring belongs with me since it’s a symbol of my relationship with my fiancee and I just can’t let go of it like that.”
“He reminded me that I’m not her husband and that from now on he doesn’t have to deal with me. I got so mad at him I told him he has two days to bring it back or I’ll call the cops. He hung up after calling me names.”
“Family and close friends heard from him and said I was out of my mind to call the police on my late fianceè’s father no matter the reason. They didn’t let me explain and said that my pain and grief are nothing compared to a parent losing their child.”
“They’ve all called me pathetic and attention seeking…God knows what. But I insisted and told them that I’ll do it.”
And OP asks if he was wrong for threatening his fiancée’s father with the police.
On the AITA board, people’s actions are judged in a few ways with some abbreviations.
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While OP might feel guilty about how his friends and family are reacting, the internet assures him he’s NTA.
“NTA – change your locks immediately and contact the police. He has no right going through your things and going through your place while you’re not there.” – SsikMeImDyslexic
“NTA. But in a sense you would be for telling him. Dont do that. Call the police now.. Like right now. Thats game over. You’ve already warned him.”
“The story of “Im a bereaved father so distraught that I had to break in, rifle through his things and then steal a bunch of stuff” is laughable.”
“Imagine telling that to Judge Judy. And lets be clear: That is the story.” – stoat_king
“NTA sorry sounds like he’s probably going to sell it I can’t see why he would take it otherwise” – Rogues_Gambit
“NTA call the cops and cut them off and mourn and find peace without them being involved.” – Amkitty3204
Other commenters were more concerned about the issues with the ex-potential father-in-law.
“NTA. And he still has your key…” – cabbage9988
“Yes he does. And I don’t know if he made other copies I thought I had the key returned after the funeral but I was too tired and didn’t know for sure. Maybe he made another copy I really don’t know.” – AlonethisXmas7
“Info: did he say why he wanted it? I know there is really no justification bc it was a sign of the love and companionship between the two of you.” – Radiant-One5411
“No he never mentioned it before so I was confused why thought he had the right to take it.” – AlonethisXmas7
While OP may feel guilty, it looks like the internet agrees that he’s right to call the police on his fiancée’s father-in-law. The situation wasn’t great for OP but it’s made so much worse by the dad’s actions.
The situation should be resolved peacefully if possible, and hopefully it will.