Going on a trip can be a great way to get closer to loved ones and to spend some quality time with them.
But the whole occasion can easily be soured by finances, cautioned members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor ConsistentFeature613 had been with their boyfriend for four years and had a strained relationship with their boyfriend's father, who was very controlling when it came to time and money.
When they went on what they thought was a nice trip, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when their boyfriend's father billed them $5000 after they'd been under the impression that the trip was covered.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by being upset that my partner's dad is charging me $5000 for a trip I thought was free?"
The OP had a strained relationship with their boyfriend's controlling father.
"My boyfriend and I have been together for four years."
"For context, his dad is very controlling and owns the company my boyfriend works at. He needs to control every aspect of his life, and that includes his vacations."
"I had been wanting to go to Europe for some time and saved up for it. I bought tickets for London two years ago for us, but his dad wouldn’t let him go, so they were wasted."
When the boyfriend's father planned a trip, it became increasingly expensive.
"This January, his dad started planning a trip to Europe. He said that I would only have to pay for my flight, and at the time we looked, flights were only $800."
"His dad, a month later, said we probably won’t go, and he will just have to lose the $2,500 he spent on concert tickets. When he first talked about going, he booked concert tickets for his favorite band."
"He said this like it was nothing. As long as I’ve known him, he’s thrown away money stupidly."
"Then, a month before the original date for the Europe trip, he came to my boyfriend and me, saying he bought the plane tickets and that he was going to book the hotel rooms."
"I asked how much the plane ticket was, and he said $2,600, which is MUCH more than when my boyfriend and I originally were going to pay for flights."
"After the trip, two months later, he sent my boyfriend a message with a 'receipt' for everything I owe for the trip. It comes out to over $5,000."
The OP felt perplexed over the situation.
"I’m getting my bachelor's degree after dropping out when I was 20 and have barely enough to pay for rent and my tuition. His dad knows this."
"And I would have booked different flights, hotels, and experiences if I knew I would have had to pay for all of it. I was only told I would be paying for the flight."
"My boyfriend can’t stand up to his dad, and I’m over his dad controlling our lives."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that they shouldn't be held responsible for a fee they weren't aware of.
"So two months after the trip, you are finding out that your boyfriend's dad is reneging on his offer to cover everything but the plane tickets? NTA."
"Tell him you would not have gone on the trip if you had thought that you would have to pay for everything. $2600 for plane tickets is a lot."
"I would have balked at paying that much for plane tickets. Do you have his offer to pay for everything but the plane tickets in writing?" - fnybtch
"He knows you can't pay and wants you to feel indebted to him. You don't owe it to him if that wasn't the deal beforehand. Make sure he knows you don't feel you owe it to him, because you don't." - JohnnyRelentless
"Nope, this ain’t on you. Decline to pay the $5000 you never agreed to. If your boyfriend can’t stand up to his dad, it’s going to be a lifetime of this bulls**t for you."
"Take from that what you will. NOR. But really, also think if this is the life you want because it won’t be the last time his father will interfere and cost you experiences and money." - SmoochNo
"Sounds like your boyfriend needs to man up and tell his Dad that he can't order him around or decide when he takes vacation."
"I would pay him the $800 for the ticket and send him a receipt for the tickets you bought for London that he made you cancel and that he said he would pay for the rest. If he demands the 2500, pay him over time, but never go on vacation with him again." - FoofTheBunny
"I'd say, 'Hi, at no point did you discuss this cost with me prior to the trip, stating that I only had to get my plane tickets. Please provide copies of all the receipts so I can review, as this is a significant difference from the original discussion.'"
"If your boyfriend cannot stand up to his dad now, he will forever dominate your lives. Have a good think." - Quiet-Hamster6509
Others agreed and urged the OP to end the relationship now, seeing a boyfriend and a potential father-in-law problem.
"Pay for the ticket only and break up with the boyfriend because you ultimately have a boyfriend problem and not a dad problem."
"I broke off an engagement for the same situation. Fiancé was working a job he hated because his dad wanted it for him. He couldn’t stand up to him, so I broke it off because I didn’t want his dad running our life."
"He stayed in the career he hated for another 18 years until he had a minor heart attack at 43 from the stress. I don’t regret ending that engagement." - SurroundQuirky8613
"NOR. This is bigger than the money at this point (which I agree you can not charge someone after the fact). Do you want this man controlling your wedding, marriage, and children one day?"
"If not, then your boyfriend needs to grow a backbone, or you need to move on to better things. It sounds like he was always choosing to please his dad over protecting you, and I couldn’t live that way." - Hopeful-Result8109
"If you were my daughter (mine is 26 years old), I would ask her if this is how she wants to spend the rest of her life."
"Is this how you want to spend it? He will control your entire life and will be a wedge between you and your boyfriend."
"I would find another boyfriend because this family dynamic sucks no matter how much money daddy has. He will always hang it over your head." - Original-warning-973
"No amount of love would make me stay with a man who lacks the balls to stand up to his father and pave a life for himself and me. I would NOT suggest marrying and having children with this man. THIS is what your future looks like. A man controlled by his daddy."
"You can be mad all you want; this is a character issue on your boyfriend's part. A man with no voice is a man who will never honor his future family." - Melophile_27
"OP, this is one of those stories you tell after your divorce. 'Oh, how I wish I hadn't ignored those huge red flags...'"
"NOR, and you shouldn't pay. If that means your quisling boyfriend goes slithering back to Daddy to beg forgiveness, so be it."
"For Dad, this was all a power trip. He knew the eye-watering flight prices and the subsequent "invoice" would drive a wedge between you and his son. That was the point, to remind his son who is in charge." - DiggbyChickenCaesar
"This isn't going to get better. Do you want to spend the rest of your life having all decisions made by your boyfriend's dad? Standing up to a man that controlling isn't going to be enough. You would both have to cut all ties, and it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is going to do that any time soon."
"So start thinking about YOUR future. Especially if you want children someday. DO NOT have children with this man unless he has cut contact!" - DrUnk_Stew_PIDER
"NOR. Let’s be honest here. You’re not really on here asking us if you should be paying $5000 that you never agreed to pay. You already know the answer to that."
"What you’re really asking us is if you should stick together with a boyfriend. And you also already know the answer to that."
"You were just hoping we might have some sort of magic that would make all of this okay again, but there isn’t any."
"Your boyfriend is under his father’s thumb, and he’s choosing to stay there. And you know that. You also know that you can’t make him get out from under his father’s thumb."
"He would have to stand on his own two feet and start fresh. And that’s not easy. And I don’t see your boyfriend doing it."
"And I don’t think you see him doing it either. So I think you should tell dad to go F himself because you didn’t agree to pay that, and it was never discussed."
"And then you should tell your boyfriend to go F himself since he doesn’t have a backbone. Isn’t willing to try and get a job on his own. Isn’t willing to stand up for you. So he needs to just be on his own as well." - mtngrl60
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a brief update.
"Thank you all, you wonderful people, for saying to be single."
"I recognize my boyfriend needs lots of mental help, and I hope he gets it soon."
"I’ll hopefully have a productive conversation with my boyfriend about it so that it will end with us being free, whatever that looks like for both of us."
Going on a trip can be a great bonding experience, but all of the expenses and who will be responsible for them should always be addressed up front when they're being covered by multiple people.
The subReddit assumed that this was done on purpose so that the father would have something to hold over his son and his son's partner, which was really no way for any of them to live.
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