Just because one person gets a surprise, that doesn’t mean the whole room is getting one.
Right?
Well, some feel differently about it.
Redditor Iloehna wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for only giving one child a present instead of all three children?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (25 F[emale]) was invited to the first communion celebration of my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw]’s son.”
“I had only met her twice before and this was the first time I had met her children, she has three.”
“So, I decided to buy something for the kid because it’s his day.”
“But unfortunately, my sister-in-law was offended by this because I am apparently singling out her child and making her other two children feel left out this way.”
“I told her this was not my intention and that I thought it was normal to only bring something for the person that is being celebrated.”
“The rest of the day, I felt a lot of tension, and I started feeling bad about the idea that the kids might have been sad that I didn’t bring something for all of them.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Was I wrong?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I hate the ‘get all of the kids something’ mindset.”
“Kids should learn that some days are about celebrating somebody else.”
“If it’s not their birthday, they are not supposed to get something.”
“They will get something when it’s their birthday.”
“As a parent, I believe that learning this is very important because I hate those kids who try to steal someone’s thunder by blowing out their candles, etc.”
“The only exception, in my opinion, is when a baby is born and there is an older but still very young sibling so as to make the arrival of the baby a happy event.” ~ Momadvice1982
“I must have grown up in tough times. 🙂 “
“Only the birthday kid got a present, and only the birthday kid got to blow out the candles.”
“Oddly enough, it was never a problem.”
“NTA. SIL is nuts.” ~ DirectAntique
“NTA. What, is every day Christmas at their house or something?”
“Like it’s one kid’s bday (or 1st communion or whatever), and every guest is supposed to show up with a Santa sleigh full of presents for everyone?”
“I would take a hard pass on any future invites from these people.” ~ SweetCitySong
“NTA. 100% just setting those kids up for potential problems in current and future relationships.”
“I usually see it done by parents as an over-correction for their childhood trauma.”
“Worst-case scenario of never being able to be happy for someone else and constantly feeling slighted at parties that aren’t about them.” ~ SquirrelKat1248
“NTA, obviously.”
“But I’m wondering if this is becoming ‘a thing,’ where kids are getting trained always to expect to get something.”
“I’ve gotten a hint of this with young relatives where I bring a present for the birthday or communion person, and the other kids are expectedly looking.”
“Parents should be setting appropriate expectations, and I suspect they’re part of the problem.” ~ mostly_lurking1040
“NTA, good Lord.”
“Your SIL is unwise to paint you as the baddie in front of her kids.”
“You bringing one gift was 100% generous and appropriate.”
“Your SIL being a sourpuss about it was very bad parenting.” ~ FauveSxMcW
“NTA. You acted appropriately – gifts should only be given to the person celebrating.”
“Your SIL is entitled, greedy, and not doing her children any favors by not teaching her children that not every event will rain down gifts for all.”
“They, intern, will each have their own special day.” ~ _F_O_G_
“NTA. It’s his day, not theirs.”
“SIL is being dumb.”
“It’s a cliche, but it’s true that if everything is special for everyone, then nothing is special for anyone.”
“You did the right thing.” ~ GRidgeflyover
“NTA. Oh God, she watches one too many entitled TikTok people who whinge and complain about their baby daddies only bringing THEIR ONE SPECIFIC CHILD FOOD while their five others get nothing because the five other fathers don’t bring them anything, and it’s not FaIRrRrRrRrRrRrR!!!!”
“Or those annoying people who throw a kid’s birthday party but seriously believe you should bring ALL 6 of their kids a gift so they don’t feel left out.”
“Absolutely ridiculous and entitled behavior!”
“If she was so worried about their feelings getting hurt she should’ve acted like an adult and mother and explained to them that this is a SPECIAL OCCASION BECAUSE OF… and that they will all have their time being in the spoilt spotlight and it doesn’t have to be every day. 🤦♀️.” ~ ImACarebear1986
NTA. You would have flat-out told her that her other children aren’t entitled to gifts in someone else’s day.”
“She’s right.”
“You were signaling them out that the day wasn’t about them.”
“They can all get over it.” ~ Disastrous-Nail-640
“No not at all, it was a communion party for the child that received Holy Communion.”
“The gift was for him.”
“You did the proper thing.” ~ Gysmoma
“NTA… you weren’t wrong. The other two need to learn that not every celebration means gifts for one, gifts for all.”
“You weren’t even inconsiderate either, and if the other two felt sad, that’s on the mother, not you. She’s offended because she probably told them they’d be getting gifts too when she shouldn’t have.”
“This mentality of if you bring one gift, you have to bring all my kid’s gifts has to stop.
“I have two kids, and I stopped that before it started.” ~ Pepsilover12
“NTA – If we’re dealing with very young children, I usually buy a small pack of sweets, etc, for any other siblings just because it’s small children and they don’t process things the way adults or even older children do, but not after about the age of 5 or 6.”
“But it certainly should never be expected or demanded, that’s the height of rudeness.” ~ history_buff_9971
“NTA. Of course, you singled out the child for whom the party was held!”
“That’s the way celebrations work.”
“You’ve never met any of the children before, you barely know the SIL, and she has the temerity to expect you to bring presents for all of the children when you were there to celebrate one of them.”
“At least you know now to decline future invitations from your SIL for birthdays, other First Holy Communion celebrations, graduations, and weddings.” ~ TemptingPenguin369
“NTA. Why on Earth would you bring the other children presents when it’s not their day?”
“First Communion is for the communicant.”
“Not random siblings.”
“It’s just like a birthday, except it truly is a one and only day of celebration.”
“You never have another First Communion.”
“Your SIL needs an attitude re-adjustment.” ~ SpicyPorkWontonnnn
“NTA. You’re celebrating one kid, of course, only that kid a gift.”
“SIL is ridiculous.”
“This ‘everyone gets a present so they don’t feel left out’ mentality will breed entitled a**hole kids.”
“Either SIL spoils her kids, or she was looking for something in you to pick at.” ~ GellyG42
“My sister-in-law needs to start teaching her kids that they don’t always get presents.”
“Sometimes it’s not your birthday.”
“Sometimes you give presents.”
“Sometimes no one gets presents.”
“Sometimes you were supposed to get a present, but something happened, and you didn’t.”
“Or you get a present you don’t like.”
“Teaching children how to handle those situations is how you teach kids not to be entitled brats.” ~ CarlEatsShoes
“NTA. I get we want to protect our kids from disappointment, but honestly, they really gotta learn to deal with it.”
“How do her kids cope at birthday parties, etc?”
“And how old are the kids?”
“My 3-year-old struggles for sure when he doesn’t get to open the presents, but he’s 3, and I talk him through it and give him a hug, etc, and we move on.” ~ OneMoreCookie
“No way, NTA.”
“SIL is raising these children to be the kinds of kids who are put out because they don’t get to blow out someone else’s birthday candles.”
“They will never learn to cope with birthday party invitations this way.”
“It’s not a difficult concept to explain to a kid!”
“’It’s Timmy’s birthday today; you can have a present on YOUR birthday, Sammy.'” ~ lonedreamer96
“Girl, I think she just wants a reason to hate you. LOL. NTA.” ~ REDDIT
“So you buy one child a gift and are the bad guy for leaving the other two out… but… she can organize an entire celebration party for one child and not the other two!”
“I would have accepted that more if she had a family day out for the celebration, she didn’t have to have a party for it, do what I say not what I do!”
“100% NTA.” ~ Mommagrumps
“NTA. I never got jack for my sibling’s first communion, and I would have been pissed if they got stuff for mine.” ~ AfricanKitten
“NTA. hard to believe it’s even a real situation.”
“Did every single other guest in fact give gifts to all?”
“If it was expected it should have been communicated explicitly to you.” ~ St-Quivox
“No, you are not wrong.”
“Your SIL is setting up her kids to have unrealistic expectations.”
“People do not bring gifts for everyone if it’s one particular person’s birthday or accomplishment.” ~ MaeSilver909
Reddit is with you, OP.
This was a specific event… for a specific child.
When the other two kids have their communion or other personal celebrations, they will receive what is theirs.
You were nice enough to bring a gift for someone you barely know. Try not to feel bad.