When people fall in love, most of them want to spend every waking moment with their partner.
Knowing full well that that simply isn’t possible for a multitude of reasons.
That being said, some people still value having alone time, even if they are in committed, loving relationships.
A concept that many people’s partners have a seriously hard time understanding.
Redditor AITAeatingout and their husband had differing work schedules, resulting in the original poster (OP), frequently eating dinner alone.
On one of these solo dining nights, the OP decided to treat themself to a dinner out.
A decision that unexpectedly resulted in the OP finding herself at odds with their husband.
Wondering if they had done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for going out to eat when my husband is working late shifts?”
The OP explained why their husband did not appreciate their taking themself on a solo date night:
“My husband and I work different shifts.”
“I worked first shift and he works a late second shift.”
“So we don’t often eat dinner together because he leaves for work right before I get home and he gets home from work after I am asleep.”
“We also have very different tastes in foods.”
“He has a more basic, American food based diet and he also loves seafood.”
“I love foods from other cultures, but I don’t like seafood.”
“Because of this, when we are home together we cook different meals and eat it together.”
“If I make something he likes, I’ll ask if he wants some.”
“If he makes something I like, he does the same.”
“But we always eat together on our days off, whether it be eating out on a date or eating cooked food at home.”
“We’ve been doing this for years and it’s worked.”
“But since we work different shifts, 5 to 6 days per week, I am eating dinner alone.”
“I usually cook, but a couple times per month, I go out to a restaurant that serves food he doesn’t like to have dinner.”
“When we are talking later, I usually tell him how I had something from a restaurant and he asks how it was and I tell him.”
“No biggie.”
“The other day I was out trying a Peruvian restaurant recommended by a coworker.”
“My husband and I had looked at the menu and he didn’t see anything he was particularly looking forward to on it, so I added it to my list of places to go when he works.”
“And I went that day.”
‘He got out of work early and called me and I told him where I was.”
“And he got mad.”
“I finished up and went home and he was upset and asked how long this has been going on for.”
“I was confused because he knows I do this.”
“But apparently he thought I did pickup or delivery.”
“I tend to eat in because I don’t want dishes at home.”
“He also can’t really explain why he is so mad, but it seems he’s mad I’m out dining alone?”
“I just go out, get food, and read while I wait and eat.”
“Then I come home.”
“It’s always food he won’t like as well, so I go alone so I can have it.”
“He hasn’t been really talking to me since it happened.”
“The conversations are short and cold and it makes me feel like I did something wrong by doing this for years and not specifying I eat in the restaurant to do it.”
“He has never acted this way about anything else, he has always been very kind and willing to work through any issues we have.”
“So I am not sure what’s different with this.”
“AITA for going out to eat alone and not specifying to my husband that I ate in the restaurant?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for taking themself out to a restaurant.
Everyone was confused by the reaction of the OP’s husband, agreeing that they had every right to spend her solo evening alone however they wanted to… and feeling it made perfect sense to take themself to a restaurant they knew their husband wouldn’t like:
“Mm, going to a restaurant alone with a book sounds fantastic.”
“And no, you’re NTA, and I can’t think of a single reason why this would bother your husband.”
“Super weird.”- No-Maintenance-8343
“NTA.”
“Unless there’s some kind of financial problem being exacerbated by you dining out occasionally, it sounds like your husband just expects you to not enjoy yourself?”
“That’s so wild to me.”
“Also, did you get chicken with the green sauce at the Peruvian place?”- kipsterdude
“Is he mad because he got off work early and thought you’d be home?”
“Then, when you weren’t home, he became disappointed, and that turned into anger?”
“NTA.”
“Your husband needs to figure out why he’s upset because you did nothing wrong.”- HereWeGo_Steelers
“The only thing I can think of is that he thinks you might be dining out alone to try to attract male attention and is getting mad at you because he doesn’t really have a good reason for how he feels, especially since you told him ages ago.”
“NTA.”- Arbor_Arabicae
“NTA.”
“‘He also can’t really explain why he is so mad’.”
“I mean, there’s no good explanation, so…”- StAlvis
“NTA.”
“Some people get really upset/uncomfortable at the idea of someone dining out alone.”
“One of my roommates was like that, absolutely hated to eat alone in public, and if I was going to do it, almost bullied me into letting them come and eat too (they paid for themselves).”
“They explained it as sad/lonely/pathetic, that someone eating out alone means no one cares about them.”
“I think that’s an absolutely bonkers take, but we had some coworkers that agreed with her!”- Answer_The_Walrus
“Honestly, I don’t think it is as deep as everyone is saying (he thinks you’re trying to attract ppl, etc.).”
“Especially since he can’t specify the problem.”
“My guess is he made assumptions about what it’s like when you eat out.”
“You take it home.”
“You get delivery.”
“Whatever.”
‘When he finds out that is not the case it creates cognitive dissonance, people don’t like cognitive dissonance and more often than not it comes out as anger.”
“That’s my guess here.”
“I don’t think there is anything behind it from what you wrote. He had assumptions, and it discombobulated him, and he got upset.”
“NTA.”- julianpurple
“NTA.”
“But why does it upset him?”
“I do the same and have a husband and two grown children.”
“I especially love going for breakfast alone, a good book, coffee, and a hot waffle.”
“YUM! Some people think it’s strange when I go out to eat solo and are bothered by it, which makes no sense if I’m comfortable doing so!”
“Your husband needs to chill out.”- Original_Thanks_9435
“My best guess is that he either thinks you’re really out eating with someone else like another man or that you’re trying to get men to give you attention by eating alone?”
“Not that it makes sense, but that’s the only way I could see someone getting mad over this.”
“Or maybe he just thinks it was somehow a lie of omission and is mad about that?”
“Idk he’s wierd for that, NTA.”
“I now want to do this with sushi restaurants because my fiance hates sushi lol.”
“Thanks for the idea.”- ScallionUnlucky5587
“Definitely NTA.”
“There’s no problem here.”
“It’s food he doesn’t even like so it’s not like he’s missing out.”
“If he would be fine with you doing takeout, what is the difference if you choose to eat in person?”- ConflictGullible392
“NTA.”
“Best thing I can’t think of is that your husband feels guilty that you’re essentially taking yourself on dates because your schedules don’t align.”
“Then the guilt is manifesting in anger at you for making him feel guilty.”
“It’s probably why he can’t put words to it, because it’s obviously misplaced.”- chaserscarlet
“I personally like eating restaurants by myself with the book from time to time.”
“I also have made the decision to go to a sit-down restaurant instead of takeout for the simple reason of not having to do dishes.”
“Operating on the assumption that you are not going to sit down restaurants, often enough to cause any kind of financial hardship/difficulties, then NTA.”- TeeKaye28
It would be one thing if the OP were constantly spending money they don’t have on expensive restaurants.
Or if the OP was deliberately avoiding spending time with her husband in order to eat on her own.
As neither of those seemed to be the case… it’s hard to imagine why the OP’s husband was so upset.
Especially since he wouldn’t have enjoyed the food the OP was eating…