It’s safe to say that there are probably three big things people take away after attending a wedding.
The venue, the dress, and the food.
While no two weddings have the same menu, what is constant across all weddings is that guests have little to no choice as to what they get to eat at the reception.
While some couples will make some effort to accommodate everyone, that is never a guarantee.
Redditor farsia2010 was excited to attend the wedding of a good friend of hers.
However, the original poster (OP) was a bit concerned about what she would be able to eat at the reception.
As a result, she decided to take matters into her own hands.
Only to find herself being scolded for her behavior.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for bringing my own food to a wedding?”
The OP explained how her food allergies caused far more trouble than she was expecting at her friend’s wedding:
“So I (36 F[emale]) went to my college friends wedding last weekend.”
“I was really excited for it, shes a good friend and I wanted to celebrate.”
“The issue is I have a medical condition that means I cant eat certain common ingredients (gluten and dairy).”
“It’s not a fad diet or a preference, I get very sick if I eat them.”
“I mentioned this on the RSVP card where it asked about dietary restrictions.”
“The bride told me the venue couldn’t guarantee anything gluten- or dairy-free because of cross-contamination, but she hoped I’d ‘make do with the salad and fruit’.”
“I didn’t want to cause trouble, so I just quietly brought a small container of safe food in my bag (literally just grilled chicken and rice).”
“When dinner was served, I discreetly went outside for 5 minutes, ate it quickly, then came back in to join everyone.”
“I didn’t make a scene, didn’t bring smelly food, didn’t take anything away from the event.”
“Turns out the groom’s mother saw me with the container outside and apparently told a bunch of people I was ‘disrespecting the caterer’ and ‘making the couple look cheap’.”
“At the reception, she confronted me and said I was ’embarrassing the family’ and that I should’ve just eaten beforehand if I had an issue.”
“I explained that I wanted to be there for the full event and didn’t want to faint or get sick.”
“She rolled her eyes and said I was selfish and that the weddings is ‘about the couple, not about your diet’.”
“Some of our mutual friends also agree that I made an a**hole move and made the couple look bad.
“Now I’m wondering if I really crossed a line.”
“I didn’t want to draw attention, but maybe I should’ve handled it differently.”
“So, AITA for bringing my own food to a wedding?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly took the OP’s side and agreed that she was not the a**hole for bringing her own food to the wedding.
Everyone agreed that the groom’s mother seemed to be going out of her way to cause drama when the OP was going to great lengths to avoid causing any sort of a scene.
“I have a medical condition.”
“NTA.”
“You took care of your own needs.”
“That’s it.”
“Is it somehow respectful to eat food that would physically harm you?”
“LOL.”
“No.”
“The groom’s mother is looking to make trouble where it doesn’t exist.”
“Ignore her.”- IamIrene
“NTA at all!”
“The groom’s mother DEFINITELY is!”
“You went out of your way to not inconvenience the wedding party or caterer.”
“No one would have known if the groom’s mother hadn’t made a big deal about it.”- SFerd
“NTA.”
“The ONLY drama is from the groom’s mother.”
“You have NOTHING to be ashamed of by celebrating your friend’s special day and MINIMIZING your absence.”
“So in the celebration of her son’s big day, this lady decided to duck out of the reception which according to her is rude and disrespecting the bride and groom, or she was following you for some bizarre unhinged reason.”
“The more she makes it an issue, the more unhinged she shall appear.”
“Don’t worry and well played.”- catskilkid
“NTA.”
“I think what you did was extremely courteous!”
“You didn’t expect anyone to cater or bend over backwards to accommodate you, you quietly took care of your own needs in private, so you could be there to celebrate your friend.”
“Anyone that thinks otherwise is honestly ridiculous.”
“The caterer is hired to be there.”
“They are getting paid either way.”
“They don’t care if you eat their food or not.”
“Such a silly thing to even suggest you were being disrespectful.”
“The groom’s mother sounds miserable and needs to get a life.”- Deep-Manner-4111
“NTA.”
“This sounds like a no win situation.”
“Groom’s mom sounds like a busy body.”
“If you had chosen to eat their food and just had a plate of fruit or salad, she probably would have said the exact same thing and made a big deal out of you ‘not thinking the cooked food was good enough’.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“She’s obviously someone that likes to complain and start drama.”
“Idk why some people can’t keep their mouth shut about other people’s food choices, it’s really not a big deal.”- SimpleAstronomer7854
“NTA.”
“Monster-in-law is the AH.”
“You’re not on a diet for fun, you have to follow a specific diet for medical reasons.”
“And you didn’t make a scene, she did.”
“The caterer probably couldn’t give a flying f*ck.”
“They certainly didn’t care enough to cater for you, but at least they were honest about it.”- UnhappyRaven
“NTA.”
“Like the catering company is going to GAF about whether someone didn’t eat their food.”- TemptingPenguin369
“NTA.”
“The only thing that matters at weddings is if you do something to upset the bride or the groom.”
“What the grooms mother thinks of you eating outside for 5 minutes absolutely does not matter because it is not her day.”
“You did nothing wrong here that lady is just ridiculous.”- Scared_Fox_1813
“NTA.”
“I’m guessing Celiac’s?”
“I dated a woman with that once.”
“It’s no joke, and if anyone else can’t respect or understand that, you’re better off without them in your life.”- WabbitCZEN
“NTA.”
“You were making sure you didn’t get sick and were super-duper discrete about it.”
“The groom’s mother is insane.”- EfficiencyForsaken96
“NTA at all.”
“I have an extended family member who has a gluten allergy and is incredibly fussy on top of that.”
“Only organic chicken and breast only, no fish or red meat, no peppers, tomatoes or mushrooms.”
“I’d have kissed them if they would have brought a packed lunch to our wedding instead of a list of demands!”- niate_
“NTA.”
“Good grief, you had a small container, you hid it, you went outside and ate quickly, and came back in.”
“People complain if you need a specific diet and get mad when you discreetly deal with said diet, you just can’t win.”
“They can get over it.”- justhewayouare
“NTA.”
“If the couple didn’t want to look bad then they should have done more to make sure all their guests could safely eat.”
“No one would have even noticed if the groom’s mother hadn’t made a big scene.”- Ginkachuuuuu
“NTA.”
“Mother in laws behavior is embarrassing.”
“I’d hate to be in her family if I had a medical condition.”- Odd-Philosopher-1501
“NTA.”
“If these people are more concerned with aesthetics than your actual health they aren’t your friends.”
“You didn’t demand that they cater to your needs, you took care of them quietly and privately.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”- SL8Rgirl
“NTA.”
“MIL sure as heck is though.”
“If that was my mom who saw you, she would’ve walked back to where you were hiding out, asked you off you were alright, offered a glass of water, then grabbed your hand and pulled you to the table so you could sit with everybody else.”
“There’s no need to be ashamed and it was very considerate of you to not put up a fuss or expect the caterer to change.”- vixie87
“These are obviously people who just thrive on drama.”
“You did absolutely nothing wrong.”
“I wouldn’t have even taken my food outside, I would have eaten is discreetly at the table.”
“NTA and please ignore people who think that ‘disrespecting the caterer’ is a thing.”- Moose-Live
The OP later returned, thanking everyone who took the time to respond:
“Thank you all for your responses and for understanding.”
“It helped me be secure in my choice and not second guess myself as much!”
Couples planning a wedding are always juggling too many things, which makes accommodating every guest simply impossible.
However, in this day and age, having a gluten and dairy free option isn’t exactly difficult, and guests should be treated to more than “making do” with fruit and salad.
Had the OP eaten the food she brought at her table, in front of everyone, this would be a different story completely.
Those who were bothered by her doing so in private, away from everyone, probably need to find a little more joy in their lives.