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Bride Called Out For Refusing To Force Fiancé’s ‘Tomboy’ Niece To Wear A Dress To Her Wedding

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Everyone knows that one of the things that a bride has complete control over is what the wedding party will wear.

Color, style, theme… all bride decisions.

It’s not written in stone, but who would chance being combative?

So trying to mess with that unspoken rule, can cause quite a bit of havoc.

Case in point…

Redditor Extreme-Break-6638 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for telling my soon-to-be niece that she doesn’t need to wear a dress to my wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (32 F[emale]) am getting married to my fiancée (41 M[ale]) next year.”

“After we got engaged, I suggested it might be nice if I asked my fiancée’s niece (who’s 15) if she wanted to be a bridesmaid too.”

“I’ve only met her a couple of times, so we’re not close.”

“But she seemed like a cool kid and I thought it might be a nice way for us to bond/get to know each other/involve her in the wedding.”

“Side note – she’s the only niece/nephew on either side of the family.

“Anyway, cut to a few weeks ago and we’re in my fiancée’s hometown to visit his family and discuss wedding-related stuff.”

“His brother, sister-in-law and their daughter came over and I noticed this time that she was dressed a lot more androgynous than I remembered.”

“The topic moved to wedding dresses and bridesmaid’s dresses and I could see she was immediately uncomfortable.”

“Her parents (her mum really) and grandma were making comments about how she’d need to be more feminine/brush her hair etc, and how nice it would be to see her like that.”

“I’ll be honest and say this hit a nerve with me.”

“As I was very much a tomboy as a teenager (even though I’m not anymore) and it absolutely broke me whenever my relatives would say things like that.”

“Eventually, her mother made a comment along the lines of, ‘It’ll be nice to see you dressed like a girl for once.'”

“And she looked really sad/embarrassed/upset.”

“In response, because that really hit a nerve, I immediately told her that my maid of honor would be wearing a trouser suit for the wedding and not a dress.”

“And that I’d given all the bridesmaids the option of wearing anything they want as long as it’s in the ‘wedding color,’ to make things easier.”

“I pulled out my phone and started showing her photos of the ideas my friend had sent me.”

“A jumpsuit, culottes, a trouser suit, a tailored tux etc.”

“And I let her know that she could pick anything at all she wanted – she could even wear jeans and trainers if that made her comfortable – and that it’s a wedding, not a fashion show.”

“My niece perked up a bit when I said that but her mum looked really pissed off.”

“She’s since asked my fiancée to pressure me into getting all the bridesmaids dresses so their daughter will have to wear one (which, lol, no).”

“My husband to be doesn’t give a sh*t what she wears.”

“But obviously also doesn’t want his family and me to be arguing on the wedding day.”

“I don’t want to back down because I know what it feels like to be pressured into wearing something that makes you uncomfortable.”

“But on the other hand, I know it’s only for a day and it’d make the family happy.”

“AITA for trying to overrule her parents?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“Definitely NTA.”

“Don’t back down. Stand your ground.”

“Never in my life had I thought I would be urging someone to be a bridezilla.”

“Please. Please. Be the bridezilla. Go full bridezilla.”  ~ billlevansatmariposa

“Went to a lesbian wedding a couple of years back.”

“One bride’s parents were terribly homophobic/toxic, but were the entitled kind who demanded an invite anyway.”

“Luckily, they both had a great sense of humour, so the dress code was ‘please upset my mother.'”

“The color scheme was white… lol.”

“So a lot of the men showed up in wedding-type dresses.”

“I had a toga. Some people wore towels.”

“The best woman had an inflatable snowman suit.”

“One bride walked down the aisle in a gorgeous black ballgown, and the other in a rainbow tux.”

“Honestly, one of the best weddings I’d ever been to.”

“Homophobic bride’s folks tried to make a scene, but were just so embarrassed at the whole ordeal, they left before the vows.”

“10/10, would recommend adding a splash of spite to a wedding to upset mean people. NTA, OP.” ~ CrazySnekGirl

“My best friend is getting married in August.”

“I told her I will wear whatever she wants me to wear but I’m not waxing my chest.”

“I think my wife wants to watch me get my chest waxed for the LOLZ.”

“NTA OP. You have unlocked favorite aunt status.” ~ ODU2K1

“YOU – are awesome.”

“What a lucky niece to have at least one woman in her life to teach her that its okay for her to be exactly like she is.”

“And very attentive of you to recognize her discomfort with dresses and such.”

“With that family, your soon to be niece needs a woman to look up to who are on her side.” ~ CoyoteHealthy1970

“Thank for doing this! I was like 15-16 when I went to a cousin’s wedding.”

“Being a large girl, my mother made me a dress to wear.”

“It look seriously like a client’s dress – it was white with huge, the size of grapefruit, blue dots.”

“I was mortified, and had to wear it.”

“Next year, my mother turned it into a clown outfit for my youngest sister.”

“Definitely NTA!” ~ AlphaMomma59

“It is your wedding!”

“I tend to see wedding as a party to celebrate the love of those getting married.”

“Ultimately, those getting married are also the hosts.”

“So it’s important that all guests feel well.”

“If your niece feels well in a pantsuit (even for a formal dress code), I don’t see what speaks against it.”

“It’s nuts that the mother controls what her teenage daughter wears.”

“Especially when it’s not something totally socially unacceptable/inappropriate (like say if you try to wear a sparkly colourful bikini to a funeral).” ~ Wide-Accident-343

“Especially since in this case being a bridezilla is actually not being a bridezilla but standing up for your future niece and your bridesmaids, so they can have body autonomy.”

“You’re letting your niece know you have her back and that is going to build a much better relationship than just including her in the wedding.”


“It’s really refreshing to see a wedding story where the bride is putting other’s needs above their own even if it’s because it doesn’t go against your vision for the day.” ~ Meesha1687

“Her family clearly doesn’t support her.”

“So I expect you taking her to buy the outfit she wants for your wedding will give her an adult she can talk to that she probably DESPERATELY needs.”

“Take her to buy it. Keep it at your place.”

“Don’t give her family any opportunity to be controlling and shi**y over both what the 15 year old who is uncomfortable in frilly dresses wants to wear.”

“And what the bride wants her attendants to wear at her wedding.”

“I’m with the others. Most wholesome bridezilla ever.”

“Do not give in. Big time, NTA.”

“You’re giving that girl something she very likely needs.” ~ MadamMarshmallows

“NTA. She’s 15 and is old enough to decide on how she would like to dress.”

“You are being very reasonable by allowing her to be comfortable in what she is wearing, as long as it is meeting the wedding color.”

“The mum is an a**hole for trying to make her daughter wear something that she would be uncomfortable.”

“This would make her not enjoy being your bridesmaid and could also affect your happiness knowing that one of your bridesmaids are not happy.” ~ Fun-Two-1414

“NTA. YWBTA if you went back on it now, for a couple of reasons.”

“First, you’d be taking back your word to your other bridesmaids and forcing them all to be less comfortable to accommodate your B[rother] I[n] L[aw] and S[ister] I[n] L[aw]’s bullying.”

“Second, how would you have felt at that age when your family treated you that way and someone told you you were allowed to wear what you were comfortable in and then immediately turned around and did your family’s bidding instead?”

“If her shi**y parents want to bully her into wearing something that makes her uncomfortable, you can’t stop them.”

“But that doesn’t mean you should help them.” ~ ArbitraryAngelfish

“Agreed! Even if she is just a tomboy like I was, luckily my mom was awesome and helped me find things like shorts to go under dresses when I was little because boys kept flipping them up and then when I finally went full ‘no dresses!'”

“She helped me find pants that masqueraded as dresses for formal must-wear-dresses events.”

“This is a huge place of comfort and support for her.”

“Everyone needs someone in their corner.”

“I don’t know what I would have done if my mom hadn’t gone the extra mile to make me feel comfortable when others put their foot down.”

“She needs you, auntie.”

“Be the bridezilla she needs right now! NTA!”  ~ Aikofoxy

Well OP, Reddit is with you all the way.

Your wedding, your rules.

And it’s a bonus to be helping your niece.

Hopefully everyone come together for your special day.

Good luck and Congrats!