The way people use condiments is varied, and quite honestly, to some of us, it’s gross.
We all know somebody who puts ketchup on pizza, or mayonnaise on their french fries, or hot sauce on something that most assuredly does not need any more flavor or spice.
Reddit user TATastyFood loved hot sauce, and so found herself in a situation with a new acquaintance—a friend’s boyfriend—who was repulsed by her use of hot sauce. This person felt the need to comment on it publicly, which lead to our friend defending herself.
Unclear if her defense was too powerful due to remarks from her friend, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for feedback from objective strangers.
She asked:
“AITA for ‘using hot sauce like an idiot’?”
Our original poster, or OP, described to us her love of hot sauce.
“I love hot sauce. My favorite is Tobasco, but I just f**kin love all hot sauce. For years I’ve carried a mini bottle of Tobasco in my purse and some emergency mini packets in my wallet.”
“I don’t pull it out at restaurants because it’s in poor taste in my culture and most restaurants don’t allow it.”
“It’s mostly for take out eaten on the go or for when I go to spice intolerant close friend’s houses. I’m also weird in that I don’t put it all over my food or mix it in, I’ll put a few drops or a squirt on individual bites of food because I like to alternate between spicy and regular bites.”
“When I’m out at restaurants I tend to hog the bottle of hot sauce so I normally ask for two bottles so that other people that enjoy hot sauce aren’t inconvenienced.”
OP and her husband went out to dinner with some friends and a new prospective partner for her friend.
“With that background info out of the way, here’s what happened. Covid restrictions have loosened so my husband and some friends of ours went out to a restaurant with outdoor dining to get some drinks and dinner.”
“One of our friends brought her new boyfriend, Jim, that none of us have met before, and honestly he seemed off from the start.”
“He openly ogled myself and other women in our group. He made a ‘joke’ about how people with down syndrome are a drain to society after a friend updated us on how her daughter with down syndrome was doing, and he consistently talked down to my friend.”
“When our food arrived, I asked for a second bottle of hot sauce and began to do my thing with it.”
It was then that “Jim” began to pick on OP’s hot sauce.
“When he saw what I was doing, Jim gave me the dirtiest look then asked why I was ‘using hot sauce like an idiot.'”
“I briefly explained to him why and he then turned to my friend/his gf and told her ‘you didn’t tell me your OP was a f**king r*tard.'”
After the ableist slur, OP lost her temper.
“I’m not gonna lie, I saw red. I told him off about everything wrong he’d done throughout our get together and that anywhere he was I would no longer be because he was so disgusting and disrespectful.”
“I then flagged down our waiter, got a to-go box for my hardly touched meal, paid my husband and I’s tab then walked out. I just couldn’t be around someone like him.”
OP’s friend felt humiliated.
“Later I got a text from my friend telling me I humiliated her and that all of our friends followed suit and left because they couldn’t stand him either, as well as told her that they refused to be around him.”
“She told me I alienated her and made everyone hate her. I feel like a total dick now because I didn’t mean to hurt her, I just wanted to get away from her awful bf before I caused an even bigger scene.”
“She now is begging everyone to give him a second chance and none of us will, and she’s been cursing us out and calling all of us heartless a**holes.”
“So, AITA for this?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors all agreed that OP could have probably actually insulted him more and they would still think she was blameless.
“NTA – OMG that guy DESERVES to be told off. How is it that EVERYONE ELSE in the group DIDN’T and thought his words were OK?”
“Your friend with the daughters, how is it that SHE didn’t immediately at him? I would have gone off as well, and made sure that my friends KNOW not to call anyone R* even if they are mentally challenged, that is NOT something to call someone.”
“I’m a caretaker for my mentally challenged cousin, that word is basically treated like a slur as well.”
“Glad they all followed suit, but it seriously shouldn’t have even gotten to THAT point before someone told him off, and she seems like he is a decent guy who needs a second chance? NO.”
“If she chooses that AH over her friend group, she needs to be distanced from as well.”~EvocativeEnigma
“NTA. All of your friends left because they all couldn’t stand him either. You didn’t alienate her, he did. (Or she is, by choosing to be with him.)”
“Tell her this point blank, tell her the whole meal was uncomfortable and everyone was unhappy the whole time you were there, you just were the first one to actually leave.”
“But none of them liked him due to his awful behavior and even if you had pretended he was great everyone still would have disliked having him around since he was rude and constantly insulted everyone and their families.”~TheHatOnTheCat
“NTA. Your friend is the one who owes YOU an apology for pinning all of this on you. Ogling all of you? Gross.”
“But most of all, she owes your other friend an apology – she knew about your friend’s child with down syndrome and let her new bf talk like that in front of her?”
“I mean, it’s wrong either way, and you would’ve been right to stand up and leave anyway when he started being aggressively ableist.”
“But to know that someone at the table (who is supposedly your friend!) has a child with down syndrome…and to let your man go off like that…no.”
“She deserves to be iced out of the friend group. I see others are concerned for her, and I agree someone should keep an eye on what’s happening.”
“But shielding the other friend from that BS is important, too. Until she apologizes. (Obviously, the dream is that HE would apologize, but I think we all know that isn’t going to happen.)”~aoife_too
“NTA-your friend’s boyfriend humiliated her because he’s not able to keep inappropriate thoughts to himself like most other adults. And openly ogling at other women is the icing on the cake!”
“Her bf isn’t entitled to a second chance and it’s pretty telling that he’s not on his knees begging for forgiveness – if he’s not seeing the problems, he’ll just act like this whenever it suits him.”
“Keep eating your hot sauce however you like it, his behaviour is the problem.”~TiniestGhost
“NTA, your friend humiliated herself by bringing a trash human being lol.”
“Onto the hot sauce, as long as you don’t hog the bottle from anyone else who wants hot sauce, then you’re fine. Live your best life, amigo.”~MiloThe49
Though, as some Redditors pointed out, the issue wasn’t really the hot sauce.
“NTA. I’m also a hot sauce fiend and have to say that holding a bottle in one hand to douse every bite of food is a little quirky but it doesn’t make you TA or an idiot; by contrast, calling anyone a ‘r*tard’ sure does.”
“You did your friend a favor by clearly communicating your feelings about her loser boyfriend and giving the others the confidence to follow suit.”
“If this consensus of disapproval from her friends doesn’t make her see the light, nothing will, but that’s not your problem.”
“I’m assuming you’re a woman (my apologies if incorrect) and as another hot-sauce loving woman, I have found that a certain type of insecure man feels threatened or emasculated by the fact that I can handle spicier food than him.”
“It’s something I’ve never understood, like I don’t think a woman would ever feel less of a woman if a man liked… I don’t know… chocolate(?) more than her.”
“Based on my past experience, I’m assuming that’s what triggered this guy’s reaction to OP. Interested to know if others have had similar experiences about weird perceived gender roles of food.”~JeepersCreepers74
“NTA I was prepared to give you a hard time about the hot sauce stuff but…this guy…wow…you didn’t humiliate or alienate her. He did.”
“You and your other friends need to stick to your boundary. He’s toxic and may have anger management issues.”
“You don’t insult someone’s special needs child and call someone you just met (or anyone!) a r@t@@d! Unacceptable!”~Critical_Safety_3933
“Okay first things first you didn’t humiliate her. Your friends did not humiliate her.”
“She humiliated herself by associating with a boorish, bigoted a**hole and bringing him around her friends.”
“You and your other friends did nothing wrong. NTA”~GothPenguin
“NTA But the title doesn’t really reflect the actual issue here.”
“’Am I the AH for going off on my friends bigoted BF for using slurs to describe me and other people’ is more accurate.”
“I mean, if I find your hot sauce obsession a bit odd, that you need it so much you need a bottle to yourself, and take it to peoples houses. But that is so far from the point of this actual situation.”
“To the actual point, you didn’t humiliate her, he did. And she humiliated herself by not saying anything and choosing to let him be an AH to her friends.”~Lilitu9Tails
And people are wondering why OP’s friend is dating someone who uses ableist slurs.
“NTA at all. Your habit isn’t strange in the slightest, and your friend’s boyfriend needed to be called out for what he was doing, because besides the hot sauce thing, even, he still seemed like a horrible person.”
“Obviously everyone was annoyed if they all left, and your friend needs to consider that she was probably in the wrong if she’s the only person defending his actions.”~EclecticWitchQuinn
“Gonna be honest the first paragraph about your hot sauce thing is incredibly strange. But I think you know that.”
“And whatever. Who the heck cares if how you use hot sauce!? Like f**k? You can drink it out of the bottle and it affects LITERALLY NO ONE.”
“BF on the other hand absolutely is the AH. A huge ine at that. He does not deserve a second chance. Tell your friend it’s either you or him.”
“Unfortunately she’ll probably pick him, but ultimately that’s her problem. Eventually she’ll come to her sense (one can hope) and then you can be there for her.”
“Until then f**k them both. Don’t be around that kind of person.”~hammyisgood
“NTA. This jerk openly ogles his girlfriend’s friends, talks badly about people with DS, and then calls you the r-slur but you’re the problem?”
“Mmm, nope, I don’t think so. You all need to stand firm on this. This guy deserves no second chances.”
“If your friend chooses to continue to date him, then she has to recognize that she’s also choosing to cut out her other relationships because nobody wants to be around somebody like that.”~SevsMumma21217
The new boyfriend is so beyond the jerk in this situation Reddit couldn’t fathom how OP could consider herself at fault.
This may be the end of OP’s friendship with this friend, but any man who uses ableist slurs isn’t somebody to be dating.