As adults, most of us have discovered how difficult it can be to keep friendships alive, and thus, how important those long-lasting friendships actually are.
One way to quickly kill one of these friendships is for one of the people to show regular disrespect to their counterpart, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor No-Secretary3274 was sick of their mom-friend always being incredibly late for their lunch dates and other times together, always citing that something had happened with her daughter.
To prove a point, the Original Poster (OP) decided to hold up the mirror to their friend to really show her how late she always was.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for ditching my friend and her toddler at a restaurant because they were late?”
The OP was working hard to keep their friendship going with their mom-friend.
“My friend, ‘Samantha,’ is a stay-at-home mom and has a four-year-old daughter, ‘Katie.'”
“Since her daughter’s birth, she always insisted that I go to her place if I ever wanted to hang out.”
“Even though she lives about 45 minutes away from me, I always did it in the beginning because I did value our friendship, and Katie was her first, so I could understand how she’d be stressed with a newborn.”
“Recently, I started to put my foot down and wanted her to meet me halfway.”
“I felt like her kid (she only has Katie) was old enough to handle being outside and I was tired of driving just to hang out at her house. We always picked a place halfway, so I felt like it was doable.”
The OP was getting tired of their friend’s chronic lateness, however.
“During the last three hangouts, she was over 30 minutes late.”
“Each time she claimed that she has ‘mom privileges’ for being late because she had to wrangle her kid into the car and do other ‘mom things’ I wouldn’t understand (according to her, since I’m childless).”
The OP decided to make a point.
“She asked to hang out this past weekend, and I told her that if she was late again, I’d leave.”
“Lo and behold, the day came and she was late. After 30 minutes, I got up and left, but went to hang out in the coffee shop across the street, because I was curious just how late she’d be.”
“She was over an hour late, and when she found out from the waitress that I left, she started to call and text me.”
“She said that I was callous and selfish for making her drive 25 minutes away from home with a toddler only to leave and that she only ever came out for my benefit.”
“I told her that I hang out with multiple friends who bring their kids out with us, and they’re never late, so it was pretty s**tty to blame being late on Katie (who is a perfectly sweet girl. She’s never been a problem during our outings).”
“Samantha just kept pulling the, ‘You’re not a mom, so you wouldn’t get it,’ card.”
Samantha wouldn’t let the OP’s actions go.
“I heard later from a mutual friend that Samantha has been blasting me in their mommy group and said I was bullying her for putting her child first.”
“I feel like her reaction wouldn’t be so strong unless she was actually upset, so I’m starting to kind of feel like an AH.”
“I mean, she’s right that I don’t ‘get it’ since I don’t have children, but I still feel annoyed that she’s late and feel justified for leaving. My time is precious too!”
“I’m not sure whether or not I should reach out.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP’s friend was incredibly disrespectful of their time.
“My brother-in-law and sister-in-law (married couple) are the exact same way as your friend. They used to make a big deal of me being five minutes late when I had to wrangle six kids into the vehicle to go somewhere. I was never more than 10 minutes late and was almost always (95% of the time) on time.”
“They had their first kid, and they were always at least an hour late. After their second kid, they average two to four hours late for any and all family functions. At least now that the kids are older and can drive, the kids are on time, but the parents aren’t. I just don’t get it.”
“NTA. Not at all. Your friend does not value you, OP. If they did, they would make an effort to be there on time to see you.” – Livid-Garbage8255
“Cannot wait for her to tell a teacher she will be dropping off her kid half an hour late every day because of mom privilege.”
“NTA.” – Traveler691
“Sometimes things happen. It takes time to get a kid in the car, a kid has an unexpected meltdown, you misjudge how long the drive will take, or have to stop for gas on the way. Things happen, even with the best planning BUT if it happens every time, then it’s a planning issue and can be addressed.”
“Start leaving earlier. Or change the time you meet if it is getting in the way of nap time or whatever else parenting excuse there might be. Don’t be inconsiderate of people’s time.”
“Also, pretty much everyone has these new-fangled things called cell phones. If you are running late, a quick text message as you are getting in the car to say, ‘Sorry OP, kiddo had a meltdown/diaper explosion/I didn’t plan very well and am going to be a bit late. Grab a drink and I will get there as quickly as possible.’ Simple common courtesy.”
“I am sometimes late for things usually because of my poor planning, so when that happens, I always text to let them know and tell them exactly why I’m late. If it’s my fault, then I tell them that and apologize profusely. If it’s not my fault, I still apologize because I am still wasting their time. And because I am honest when it is my fault they forgive me when it happens.”
“NTA. And if your friend needs to drag your character through the mud to make herself feel better, then maybe your relationship needs reevaluating.” – potatoes4chipies
“I also never understand the same type of sentiment at work. I always make sure I pay attention to what the traffic is going to be or how the weather is going to be to make sure that I get to my work on time.”
“Granted, I am on a salary now so I can come and go as I please for the most part, but when I was hourly, if there was a big storm, I made sure I left a few minutes early to make sure I got to work on time.”
“It astounds me that people do not seem to think that if it’s going to take an extra half hour I start to get ready a half hour earlier than usual.” – Cynnau
Others pointed out that they did not use their children as an excuse to be late.
“I had three under three and have always been on time (it’s borderline pathological at this point, baked in from a childhood spent on military bases, really). But she had two kids, spaced many years apart, and would be literally hours late any time we had plans together.”
“Finally, I just started refusing to show up at all until she’d call to ask where we were, often with frank irritation in her voice. But honestly, when we plan to meet at 10, you call at NOON to say you’re running ‘a bit late,’ and then show up two hours later, did she really expect me to sit four hours with three very young children squirming around?”
“Nah. I’m good.” – Impossible-Zebra8664
“Yeah, I don’t get people like this. I’m chronically late, or at least, I used to be, and I could easily be again. I have ADHD, which comes with general distractedness and time-blindness, which makes getting on time anywhere an effort and a pain… but I put that effort in every time because I refuse to be that person who makes everyone wait.”
“In fact, some people might perceive me as chronically early, because I’m always at least 15 minutes early, if not more. I’ve learned that the only way for me to not be late, is to get there early.”
“Point being, if you’ve realized you tend to be late to things… you should put the effort into fixing that.” – Spider-Gwen89
“She blamed her kid, and I get it sometimes getting your kid wrangled can be tough, and if it were once in a blue moon that she was late, I’d let it slide, but being late every time with a four-year-old?. No way.”
“I’m an aunt and child-free, but I can get the kids from point A to point B ON TIME together (all five of them, all under age ten). And for the rare occasion that I have all of them (it’s not common but happens) and I forget to completely pack the baby’s diaper bag, I will call/text whoever and tell them I’ll be a little late and give them the reason.” – Ennardintheevents
“Dad here. Being occasionally late is understandable. I’ve literally had kids throwing up moments before we’re supposed to get into the car, or picking up a coffee mug and pouring it on the rug, and stuff like that. Some things you just can’t avoid.”
“Being consistently late just means she isn’t planning well. It does NOT take 30 minutes to get a child into the car, so I’m guessing she isn’t watching the clock and is blaming her lateness on her kid, which will be really bad once the kid picks up on it and starts thinking there is something wrong with herself because mommy keeps blaming her when talking to other people.”
“NTA.” – HolyGonzo
While the subReddit could understand that having kids might make it a little harder to travel around or to make it places on times, they also could not understand how a person could use their kids as an excuse every single time.
Arriving somewhere on time is something that can be improved; it’s just a matter of figuring out what’s actually making you late, like poor time management, and working on that a little at a time.