Redditor thecarolinamama generously opened her home up to her friend and her family a few months ago when they had nowhere else to go.
Now the Original Poster (OP) is buying a house for her own family but unfortunately this new home doesn’t have space for extra guests.
The OP’s friend wasn’t expecting it be left out of this new living arrangement, causing an argument to ensue.
The OP turned to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for not allowing my friend to move with my and my children”
She went on to explain.
“I am a 32 [year old] widow to three young children.”
“We live in a small but cute three bedroom that is too small for us but [due] to cost of living and COVID we ended up renting the home longer than originally expected.”
“The house has a renovated garage type space in the back and about 6 months ago my friend “Trish” asked if she could stay because she had no where to go with her two kids.”
“I told her that’s fine but that I would not be renewing my lease because I am purchasing a home.”
“Trish has not saved up any money or gotten a job. I reminded her last week that I would start putting in offers on homes this week.”
“We put in an offer this past Friday and found out today that I was accepted. I let Trish know that if things went well we would be leaving in 30-45 days.”
“She asked me about the house and then said that the house doesn’t have a space for her and her kids but otherwise it was perfect.”
“I thought she was joking and said that once we get settled we will figure out something for sleep overs with the kids.”
“Trish seemed totally taken off guard. She said that she didn’t think I was really going to move without her and that she had no where to go and she would be homeless.”
“She called her sister and her sister said no she can’t stay because their grandmother already lives there and there is no more space.”
“Trish is now freaking out and saying that we’ve all turned our back on her. Her parents don’t have their own place nor do her grandparents.”
“I recommended income based housing a job but she said she doesn’t want to put her kids in day care.”
“She says that I have more than enough money to help her and still buy a house.”
“(I work two jobs and have busted my butt to buy this house and have enough money for furniture and everything to be the way I want).”
“I basically told her I can’t help her and the lights will be out September 15th.”
“AITA for leaving her with no where to go?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA”
“You gave her 6 months.”
“She is not working, and she is not planning to work – her plan is to exploit YOU.” – Aggressive-Mind-2085
“Trish is not your friend, she is angling to be your dependent – trailing her two kids with her. I wouldn’t let her have your new address, if you haven’t already given it.”
“I’d be very careful about allowing her entry to your new home at all for that matter.”
“NTA. And no sleepovers for the kids. She’ll try to leave them with you, or stay herself.”
“Watch out for all mail, make sure there’s nothing with her name coming to your new address, she might try to claim residency.” – BallantyneR
“No idea why people think you are obligated to help them financially when they refuse to help themselves. You gave plenty of time and help.”
“NTA” – SnooDoughnuts4691
“NTA but you need to put your kids first.”
“The house was already small with 4 people and you added an additional 3”
“Don’t let her guilt trip you. Your kids need space and privacy to grow.”
“You are not her partner to be financially supporting her” – mcmxcven
“NTA. Trish, by asking you about the house, was trying to finagle her way into getting more free housing from you.”
“You have given her plenty of notice by sharing your plans with her and keeping her up to date on your house hunt. She should not have assumed that she’d be going with you.”
“She’s also being a pretty entitled AH by spending your money for you and allocating a certain amount for her by saying that you have more than enough money to help her and still buy a house”.
“This person is honestly not your friend. Think of yourself and your children first because Trish sure isn’t going to do so.” – joyfulrobots
“Lemme get this right. She wants you to keep working two jobs so she doesn’t have to get one?”
“She’ll try to use guilt, begging and the single mom card to get a key to your new place. And the fact that nobody else will take her in means she’s already burned those bridges.”
“But here’s the thing…you worked, saved, took care of your kids and did it all. So can she. If she wanted to.”
“So congrats on saving up and getting a house in this economy. Not easy. Now go enjoy it, let the kids decorate and get that furniture you’ve saved for.” – Sugar_Mama76
“NTA. You may be her friend, but she is not yours. She’s only using you.” – ProfPlumDidIt
“Trish is leaving herself with nowhere to go. Were you “turning your back on her” when you gave her a place to stay?”
“She should’ve used that time to line up her own place, especially knowing you’d be ending your lease at the current place.”
“OP is NTA, but Trish definitely is with her sense of entitlement.” – baka-tari
“NTA – You told her your intentions to move when she started living with you, so she had a full 6 months to start planning!”
“Then, once things were 100% finalized for your family, she still had 45ish days to again, get her an** into gear & figure out a plan.”
“You helped her out (did she contribute anything financially while renting?) & now she’s mad she can no longer mooch off of your kindness.”
“Maybe I’m a pessimist, but hold off on giving her your new address. She might try to follow you there or try to sabotage your new home.” – HoneyCrispCrumble
“NTA, she’s being extremely entitled. She can couch surf with her parents in the mean time.”
“If she has kids she needs to realise that having them in daycare with a roof over their head at night is better than no home. Plenty of single mums work.”
“Enjoy your new house!” – BenynRudh
“‘I recommended income-based housing a job but she said she doesn’t want to put Her kids in day care.’”
“So she should live with you for free because her kids are too precious for daycare? F*ck her. NTA.” – OkeyDokey234
“NTA”
“She needs to figure out how to live on her own. She was planning to mooch off of you for as long as possible.” – AgentAlpo
“NTA, your “friend” planned on you supporting her and her kids for life. She is an adult and needs to start adulting her life by herself.” – Comfortable-Sea-2454
“NTA – unfortunately, being a stay-at-home mom isn’t an option for Trish. It sucks for her, but it’s reality check time and time for a job and low-income housing.”
“If she doesn’t want her kids in daycare, she could look for alternate options…”
“…like an in-home babysitter, working overnight shifts and having her kids stay with a family member, etc.” – MuppetJonBonJovi
“NTA. This was temporary, not something you signed up for forever.”
“I appreciate your friend’s not wanting to put her children in daycare, but we all do what we have to do to make our way in this world.”
“Sounds like Trish has been happy to rely on you and not done anything to take responsibility for her housing needs.”
“You didn’t agree to a long-term situation, and you’ve given lots of notice. The rest is up to Trish. For her to try to guilt you into being responsible for her and her children is not reasonable.”
“You HAVE helped her, but clearly she’s not done what she needs to do during the time with you to help herself. She has options, and she needs to take them ASAP.”
“Can’t believe she had the nerve to tell you that you had enough money to continue letting them stay with you. Wow. She’s not a friend. She’s an entitled freeloader.” – Realistic_Head4279
“NTA (unless you’re the father of Trish’s kids, and I think we can assume you are not).”
“You’ve been very generous in providing her with housing these past six months and told her at the outset that it couldn’t be forever.”
“Congratulations on your new home, btw & best of luck with the moving process!” – cin_co
“NTA. You told her from day one what you were doing. At no point did you change your mind and tell her she would be coming with you. Absolutely NTA.”
“She has no problem using her kids as a weapon while manipulating you and just expecting you to take care of her.”
“Imposing her entire existence on your being – you should have no qualms about taking care of your family and continuing on with what you literally told her you would be doing since day 1.”
“She sounds as if she is quite the person. Advice, if I may? Do not allow her a single night in your new home. You will never, ever get her out of there.”
“And the kids – she should have thought about them the last six months. Not dumped the responsibility on you at the last minute. This will never end if you let her follow.” – notsleptyet
The OP went on to update the thread to inform them that Trish doesn’t have her new address.
Furthermore, the new home is also in a gated community, and security knows about her.