What do you do when your best friend has strong negative feelings about someone in your circle of friends?
That was the dilemma for Redditor LuckyAd3530, a 20-year-old woman whose close friend “Jada” discovered something objectionable about one of their friends.
The resulting tension led the OP to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for telling my friend she’s not entitled to other people’s money”
For context, the Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am now dealing with a problem concerning a friend of mine. I am a college student with a large social circle.”
“Because of this, there are a few people in my circle that I don’t know well enough. One of them is this girl named. ‘Talia.'”
“Talia happens to be very rich, which we did not find out until recently. We didn’t realize it because she never presented herself as wealthier than those around her. She didn’t wear expensive clothes, she didn’t overspend, and she seemed to live her life as a middle-class person at best.”
“My best friend Jada, was scrolling through Talia’s Instagram when she came upon her brother. Her brother uploaded a picture of their beautiful mansion on Instagram, revealing their wealth.”
“To me, this was just an odd thing to discover, but Jada was visibly unhappy.”
“When our friend group goes out to places like restaurants or clubs, we always share the bill evenly. Jada was outraged to find that Talia was rich, since she felt Talia had enough money to cover everyone, but decided to keep this information hidden.”
“When I told her she wasn’t entitled to Talia’s money, Jada became enraged.”
“She said it was the principle, and Talia was wrong for pretending to be poor. She then confronted Talia in our group chat. Talia has not answered since.”
“I advised Jada to calm down since it wasn’t that serious, and she told me I was just as wrong as Talia for supporting her actions”
“I really want to give Jada the benefit of the doubt because she doesn’t come from a family that does has a lot of money, so there could be some personal feelings involved in this. However, I also think that Talia isn’t required to spend more than she has to.”
“So AITA?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA. What the hell? I’m not surprised “Talia” didn’t reply. This is probably exactly why she doesn’t discuss her financial situation with people.” – Mindofmichelia
“If I were OP, I would let Jada know that I’d be expressing full public support to Talia if she were ever to try and make Talia feel as if different things should be expected of her because of her wealth. And that would include immediately backing Talia in the group chat.”
“I would also make it clear that I wouldn’t tolerate her complaining about Talia’s financial decisions privately around me either. That’s just talking behind Talia’s back when she’s done nothing wrong.”
“Doesn’t make it okay to do just because she has money; that doesn’t suddenly make her invulnerable to hurt feelings or an open target for criticism.”
“Jada’s behaviour is tacky and a sign of deeply-felt entitlement. Isn’t it funny how the entitled one in this scenario is not the ‘rich girl?’ Frankly, Talia’s not behaving as if she has wealth is to her credit.”
“And I have a feeling Jada’s parents complain about people not ‘sharing’ their wealth or speak poorly of people who have more than they do and don’t dish it out to everyone around them. My grandmother is that way, and has passed that mindset on to my uncle.”
“We don’t speak to them anymore because they make passive aggressive digs about how we have 3 cars (there are literally 3 adults living here who all commute to different cities daily, but no amount of logic will ever convince them that this is not evidence of our opulence) or any number of ridiculous things. And it got back to us what they would say about us to others (basically what Jada said about Talia – that we were greedy, deceptive, that we are responsible for the fact that they have less, etc).”
“Now if OP is seriously very good friends with Jada, I would be calm, but very firm about letting her know that her thinking is absolutely skewed here. I’d initially give the benefit of the doubt (after supporting Talia in the chat) and let her know that, if that’s what she was raised to think, she genuinely needs to unlearn it before she alienates herself further and gives others a terrible impression.”
“I’d honestly tell her that, while she may think she’s letting other people know about some kind of injustice on Talia’s part, what she’s seriously doing is straight up telling on herself in front of everyone in the group chat.”
“Like seriously, the fact that she even did it in the group chat instead of asking her about it privately is insane.”
“If she refuses introspection, then I’d just make it a no-go zone for conversation.” – hbtfdrckbck
“Idk anyone involved but I’m inclined to say that Talia is not ‘pretending to be poor.'”
“I think she’s ‘being modest’ (not even sure I would say that) to protect herself from ppl just like Jada, who think she’s their personal ATM.”
“Either way, no matter the reason… Yeah no Jada is NOT entitled to Talia’s money or any generosity, nor is Talia obligated to be generous to her”
“And not only that, there’s no mention of Talia’s actual situation. It seems like Jada has no idea what Talia’s family dynamics are like so she could just be another kid trying to make it thru this world.”
“I mean, yeah there is prob privilege (eg she prob has a cushion a lot of ppl may not have) but to assume that Talia has access to any of her family’s wealth to begin with, and then to take it a step further, for Jada believe that she’s entitled to that access and that wealth…”
“Is utter horsesh*t.”
“And it deserves to be called out. NTA.” – Sushi_________Roll
“NTA. There are a dozen reasons Talia might keep that to herself. Maybe she feels awkward about having more money than her friends. Maybe her parents don’t actually give her a lot of money to spend.”
“Maybe she worries people will think she’s showing off if she wears designer clothes. Maybe she worries people will only like her for her money. Whatever the reason she didn’t tell you, IT DOESN’T MATTER.”
“She’s not required to disclose it if she doesn’t want to, and she’s definitely not required to pay for anyone else.” – TessMacc
“NTA, and a mansion doesn’t mean that Talia is rich, it means that her parents are. None of you have any idea what that means in terms of Talia’s own access to money.”
“Jada is a massive AH. Just because Talia’s parents have a mansion doesn’t mean that they give her a massive allowance or any allowance at all. Or it could mean something in-between.”
“Either way, you’re right that it’s nobody’s business. And Jada shouldn’t be talking about ‘the principle of the thing’ because she clearly has no principles if she thinks that she’s entitled to be treated to things by someone whose financial situation she knows nothing about other than that they were raised in a large house.
“Talia may have little or no money of her own. Her parents may expect her to earn and pay her own way in life, which is actually true of several people I know whose parents are wealthy but who expect their kids to work hard and make their own money.”
“You are definitely NTA. Even if Talia were rich, Jada wouldn’t be entitled to her money, but she doesn’t even know that Talia IS wealthy in her own right, just that her parents are. And I don’t blame Talia one bit for not speaking to her anymore.” – FoolMe1nceShameOnU
“NTA. You are right. Nobody is entitled to Talia’s money and nobody even knows how much or how little money Talia herself has. It’s entirely possible that she has been given a budget from her parents.”
“Jada needs to remember that Talia’s parents are well off, not Talia. Coming from a wealthy family doesn’t mean they throw unlimited amounts of money around!”
“I feel bad for Talia, because she obviously was raised properly and doesn’t brag. She also probably didn’t want any friends that would behave like Jada and expect her to pay for everything all the time. She just wanted friends who liked her for herself and not what they could possibly get from her.” – tatersprout
Overall, Redditors thought Jada was being entitled and they thought that Talia was absolutely under no obligation to pay for the groups’ expenses every time they go out.