The physical venue is a key element of any great wedding.
So what happens when a couple’s ideal choice of wedding location comes with a pretty high amount of emotional weight?
A recent post in the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit provided a solid illustration.
The Original Poster (OP), appropriately known as weddingproperty on the site, divulged some specifics in the post’s title.
“AITA for not letting my best friend have her wedding on my property after being uninvited?”
OP began with some happy news.
“One of my [29-year-old male] best friends ‘Carla’ [31-year-old female] is getting married soon.”
“It’s only meant to be a small backyard type of wedding but they’ve been planning it for a few months now and originally it was supposed to be on my property.”
“They wanted it because it’s private, has lots of open space for the reception, a nice view and the house could be used for them to get ready and stuff.”
“Of course I said yes, she and her fiancé ‘Rick’ were very happy.
But there was a catch.
“Thing is Carla and I do have a history. We went out on & off in college but decided to stay friends. Then I met my wife, we got married, Carla met Rick and now here they are.”
“Now my wife knows I went out with Carla back in college and she didn’t care. Carla still went to our wedding and everything.”
“I never knew if Rick was told or not, it’s not my relationship therefore not my business to say anything so I never did.”
But it wasn’t that smooth for everyone.
“Rick found out recently and not in the best way.”
“Not sure how but from what I heard from friends is that one mutual friend told him (no idea why) we used to date.”
“Not only that but apparently Carla said a couple years ago she was still in love with me when she was already dating Rick. Don’t have actual confirmation if that’s exactly what he was told.”
“All Carla’s told me is that Rick was told about our past and he’s angry at her for never saying anything.”
Then came an unexpected development.
“It became quite a drama and didn’t hear from her for over a month until now. She told me they’re going to couples counseling and that the wedding is still on.”
But Rick requested that I not attend. It sucks but I totally get why he wouldn’t be comfortable.”
That left one thing on OP’s mind.
“Then I asked the obvious question, where are they going to hold the wedding then?
“To my surprise she said they still want it at our place.”
For OP, that was a little puzzling.
“Rick said so to and in my mind I’m going ‘he doesn’t want the guy who dated his fiancée years ago at the wedding, but still wants the wedding at his house.’ “
“My wife and I are expected to just…not be at our home that weekend, And I told Carla no.”
OP put his foot down.
“They’re going to have to find some place else since we’re not going to simply leave our home to them for the weekend. Not only for safety reasons but it just doesn’t make sense.”
“Rick doesn’t want me around because he’s not comfortable but is comfortable enough to have their wedding at my house?”
“They really want their wedding here though and because of that I’ve been bugged by not only her but also Rick and some friends who think I’m being a petty a**hole for not letting them have the wedding here anymore.”
Nonetheless, OP has been left reflecting on it all.
“Honestly don’t think that I am, it just doesn’t make sense at all to have to leave our own place for a wedding we’re no longer welcome to and leaving our home totally vulnerable.”
“Still, being accused of sabotaging their wedding and Rick believes it’s the least I can do after everything. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
An overwhelming majority of Redditors confirmed that OP had not been an a**hole at all.
In fact, they were as stunned as OP.
“NTA, that’s not how this works! You don’t get to be uninvited from a wedding that is literally in your backyard. You are being incredibly kind and they are being incredibly rude.”
“Either you are allowed to come or they need to find a different venue. Wow! How entitled can you get??” — Unsre4evr
“NTA. It’s absolutely ridiculous that they not only uninvited you, but that they still expect you to let them have the wedding on your property.”
“How can they honestly expect to just kick you out of your own home for a weekend? Are they even paying you to let them have their wedding at your place?” — nathashanails
“Nta So you’re not invited because you had history, but they’re fine enough to still take advantage of YOUR home? The audacity.”
“Don’t be surprised if they get drunk and start trashing your home. They’re just cheapskates.” — cultqueennn
NTA. This is some bridezilla sh** right here. If you’re not allowed to attend they aren’t allowed to use your property? It really is that simple I don’t understand why on earth she would think it’s still a possibility.”
“No. Just no. NTA. Lose the friendship.” — pumpkinjooce
Many had big concerns about the future of the couple.
“NTA- what a weird request. Do you typically host wedding receptions on your property? He can go pay for a venue if he’s going to act like that.. if they even end up getting married.” — WonderfulAtmosphere
“NTA. Rick is being delusional and seems to have insecurity and jealousy issues. If this is how he is, I don’t see the marriage lasting long.” — Status_Percentage
” ‘Rick believes it’s the least I can do after everything.’ “
“Rick is sick if he thinks a) his fiancee never dated anyone before him b) she didn’t stay friends with old boyfriends c) he can get someone’s home as a wedding venue while not allowing the owners to attend the wedding.”
“You are under no obligation to provide a free wedding venue to these people under these circumstances because you have not, in fact, done anything wrong. I pity Carla if she marries the guy. NTA.” — Grounded55
Looks like Carla and Rick will be spending the next few weeks shopping around for wedding venues.