The physical venue is a key element of any great wedding.
So what happens when a couple's ideal choice of wedding location comes with a pretty high amount of emotional weight?
A recent post in the "Am I the A**hole (AITA)" subReddit provided a solid illustration.
The Original Poster (OP), appropriately known as weddingproperty on the site, divulged some specifics in the post's title.
"AITA for not letting my best friend have her wedding on my property after being uninvited?"
OP began with some happy news.
"One of my [29-year-old male] best friends 'Carla' [31-year-old female] is getting married soon."
"It's only meant to be a small backyard type of wedding but they've been planning it for a few months now and originally it was supposed to be on my property."
"They wanted it because it's private, has lots of open space for the reception, a nice view and the house could be used for them to get ready and stuff."
"Of course I said yes, she and her fiancé 'Rick' were very happy.
But there was a catch.
"Thing is Carla and I do have a history. We went out on & off in college but decided to stay friends. Then I met my wife, we got married, Carla met Rick and now here they are."
"Now my wife knows I went out with Carla back in college and she didn't care. Carla still went to our wedding and everything."
"I never knew if Rick was told or not, it's not my relationship therefore not my business to say anything so I never did."
But it wasn't that smooth for everyone.
"Rick found out recently and not in the best way."
"Not sure how but from what I heard from friends is that one mutual friend told him (no idea why) we used to date."
"Not only that but apparently Carla said a couple years ago she was still in love with me when she was already dating Rick. Don't have actual confirmation if that's exactly what he was told."
"All Carla's told me is that Rick was told about our past and he's angry at her for never saying anything."
Then came an unexpected development.
"It became quite a drama and didn't hear from her for over a month until now. She told me they're going to couples counseling and that the wedding is still on."
But Rick requested that I not attend. It sucks but I totally get why he wouldn't be comfortable."
That left one thing on OP's mind.
"Then I asked the obvious question, where are they going to hold the wedding then?
"To my surprise she said they still want it at our place."
For OP, that was a little puzzling.
"Rick said so to and in my mind I'm going 'he doesn't want the guy who dated his fiancée years ago at the wedding, but still wants the wedding at his house.' "
"My wife and I are expected to just...not be at our home that weekend, And I told Carla no."
OP put his foot down.
"They're going to have to find some place else since we're not going to simply leave our home to them for the weekend. Not only for safety reasons but it just doesn't make sense."
"Rick doesn't want me around because he's not comfortable but is comfortable enough to have their wedding at my house?"
"They really want their wedding here though and because of that I've been bugged by not only her but also Rick and some friends who think I'm being a petty a**hole for not letting them have the wedding here anymore."
Nonetheless, OP has been left reflecting on it all.
"Honestly don't think that I am, it just doesn't make sense at all to have to leave our own place for a wedding we're no longer welcome to and leaving our home totally vulnerable."
"Still, being accused of sabotaging their wedding and Rick believes it's the least I can do after everything. AITA?"
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
An overwhelming majority of Redditors confirmed that OP had not been an a**hole at all.
In fact, they were as stunned as OP.
"NTA, that's not how this works! You don't get to be uninvited from a wedding that is literally in your backyard. You are being incredibly kind and they are being incredibly rude."
"Either you are allowed to come or they need to find a different venue. Wow! How entitled can you get??" -- Unsre4evr
"NTA. It's absolutely ridiculous that they not only uninvited you, but that they still expect you to let them have the wedding on your property."
"How can they honestly expect to just kick you out of your own home for a weekend? Are they even paying you to let them have their wedding at your place?" -- nathashanails
"Nta So you're not invited because you had history, but they're fine enough to still take advantage of YOUR home? The audacity."
"Don't be surprised if they get drunk and start trashing your home. They're just cheapskates." -- cultqueennn
NTA. This is some bridezilla sh** right here. If you're not allowed to attend they aren't allowed to use your property? It really is that simple I don't understand why on earth she would think it's still a possibility."
"No. Just no. NTA. Lose the friendship." -- pumpkinjooce
Many had big concerns about the future of the couple.
"NTA- what a weird request. Do you typically host wedding receptions on your property? He can go pay for a venue if he's going to act like that.. if they even end up getting married." -- WonderfulAtmosphere
"NTA. Rick is being delusional and seems to have insecurity and jealousy issues. If this is how he is, I don't see the marriage lasting long." -- Status_Percentage
" 'Rick believes it's the least I can do after everything.' "
"Rick is sick if he thinks a) his fiancee never dated anyone before him b) she didn't stay friends with old boyfriends c) he can get someone's home as a wedding venue while not allowing the owners to attend the wedding."
"You are under no obligation to provide a free wedding venue to these people under these circumstances because you have not, in fact, done anything wrong. I pity Carla if she marries the guy. NTA." -- Grounded55
Looks like Carla and Rick will be spending the next few weeks shopping around for wedding venues.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.