When booking a hotel or staying at a friend’s house, some people were raised to leave the space they’ve borrowed in the same or better condition than how it looked when they were invited into it.
But others definitely did not get that memo, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
When a couple was staying over at their house, Redditor No_Donkey1390 expressed a boundary about being intimate in their guestroom.
It was clear later that the couple had not listened, and the Original Poster (OP) was perplexed.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for asking my guests if they had sex?”
The OP recently hosted a couple of friends in their home.
“Two very close friends came to my Christmas party the other night and ended up staying the night.”
“After finding out that they intended on sleeping in the same bed together, I jokingly wrote, ‘No Sex!’ on a bit of toilet paper and placed it on the bed.”
The friends clearly didn’t listen to the note, however.
“After they left, I was cleaning the house up only to go into the spare room and find stains scattered across the sheets of the guest bed.”
“So I texted my friend and asked if they had sex.”
“She denied it at first but after asking again, she admitted it.”
The OP was surprised by how their friend berated them.
“She then told me that it was none of my business, which is fair enough, but I don’t appreciate they didn’t even strip the bed and weren’t planning on telling me that it was soaked in various liquids.”
“I do feel bad for asking but like, I also had to clean it so you know, just wanted to confirm the origin of the substances found on my sheets.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said that this was inconsiderate and they would have been upset with the discovery, too.
“You asked guests not to have sex (well within your right and they can sleep somewhere else if they have an issue with that). They then have sex, cover the sheets, and don’t tell you about it until asked, and then take issue with you asking?”
“The only a**holes here are your guests.” – JaffaCakeScoffer
“NTA. It’s your house. Especially since bodily fluids are a biohazard and, had you not checked on the room, may not even have been aware.” – Kerbal_Guardsman
“NTA. They are giant a**holes for having sex in someone else’s bed, especially when they probably knew it would be messy. I don’t think you’re an a**hole for asking.”
“If they had spilled water on it, you could just wash it, but if someone soiled my sheets like that, I would throw them out and send them a bill.” – Helpful-Future4999
“NTA, honestly, they seem kinda trashy. Who has sex in another person’s house and then leaves the bed loaned to them for the night covered in random fluids? I saw a lot of people saying you’re trying to ‘control their sex life,’ but like, huh? It’s your house, and you’re allowed to tell people they can’t f**k in your bed you have for guests that could be used by family or other friends later.” – A_Small_Bat
“If friends are crashing at my place for a month, maybe I can’t expect that of them.”
“But just one night, jeez. Get a hold of yourselves.” – III-Inspector7980
Others agreed and thought the couple should have cleaned up their mess after.
“There is a difference between having to strip a bed that’s covered in sex gunk yourself and your guests doing it for you out of respect.”
“They’re odd for asking, as it is none of their business, but the friends are selfish for not cleaning up after themselves. ESH.” – READ_THIS_LOUD
“Leaving the note was a little weird, but it is a fair boundary to set. Clearly, sex freaks this person out, maybe they aren’t comfortable talking about it out loud. They could have handled that part better, but that in no way compares to them leaving their juices all over his mattress.” – RyBAech
“I had my brother-in-law say that if you’re going to have sex, please take off the comforter, it needs to be dry cleaned. Lol (laughing out loud). At first, I thought it was a weird statement, but after I got older, I respected his straightforwardness and the cost to dry clean a nice comforter.” – ApricotFirm1781
“NTA with a sprinkle of ESH. The note is just creepy and weird, you should’ve told them upfront.”
“That being said, it’s the sheer amount of disrespect that she LIED to you at first when you found those disgusting stains all over the bed, and the fact that she wasn’t even gonna plan on telling you about it is even worse. What kind of person doesn’t strip the f**king bed after doing it? They did it in YOUR house, you shouldn’t have had to deal with that s**t after they left!”
“I wouldn’t have invited them over ever again if that was me. The fact that she LIED p**ses me off. I think you should have a conversation with her over this and explain your feelings because this is just wrong and DISGUSTING.” – Historial_Guy_635
“If you p**sed the bed at a friend’s house, would you just leave it there and not say anything? Or would you pull the sheets and try to get them into the laundry?”
“If you just slept there and didn’t leave bodily fluids on the bed, then I don’t think you have to strip the bed, but I’d make it look presentable and make the bed again. So either way, you should be doing something with the bed.”
“We know they’re going to wash the sheets either way, but it’s nice to see that the guest left the room looking presentable in case you don’t feel like doing laundry immediately after they leave. Just leaving it a mess is extremely rude.” – FreddyFucable
But some thought the OP was being really weird about other people’s activities.
“It’s weird that you joked about having no sex; I don’t know your guy’s chemistry, but it’s still weird.”
“You shouldn’t have asked if they had sex; you saw the stains; why ask? It’s obvious.”
“If your friends say No, they didn’t have sex, then you should leave it at that. No need to pry further.”
“Your friends should’ve taken the bedsheets off the bed. That’s what I do anytime I stay at someone’s. But that’s just me. Could be an oversight. They probably didn’t see the stains.”
“Relax. Adults are allowed to have sex. Don’t offer sleepovers if you’re worried about adults being adults.”
“Are you the a**hole? Not really, it’s just a weird and awkward situation.” – badsanta007
“YTA with a sprinkle of ESH.”
“The note is just f**king weird. The badgering after the fact also is. Adults have sex, you need to get over whatever hang-ups you have about it.”
“But they should have at least stripped the sheets and left them in a pile. That would have been the polite thing to do.” – Odd-Elderberry-6137
“Can we all agree that writing ‘No Sex’ on a toilet paper square is weird as f**k? Like, I wouldn’t know to interpret that as actual direction, or as my friend being stupid.”
“To me, this is a clear ESH.” – DuckHunter851
“It might be a fair boundary, but it’s not a fair way to set it. I’d absolutely see a toilet-roll-square note as an odd joke, not a serious and somewhat passive-aggressive request. (Also, I hope there are sheets on, so nothing should be on the actual mattress.) I’m firmly in the ESH camp here.” – TolverOneEighty
“I’m so confused by all these comments. Do people also need to ask the host’s permission to poop in the toilet or stand naked in the shower? Obviously, no guest should be having messy sex or having sex in public spaces, but I’m honestly really surprised to hear so many people think it’s a faux pas to discretely have sex on a guest room bed.” – gggggrrrrrrrrr
“What?! This is so crazy to me. People have sex. You wash the sheets after guests leave. People drool, sweat, and leave snot if they have bad allergies to all kinds of things. I would never think twice about it. After they leave, you wash the sheets.”
“What happens behind closed doors is none of your business. This is insane to me. I could not imagine ever instructing my guests about what to do in the privacy of the room. A lot of people stay with friends on vacation, etc. it’s very normal to have sex.” – Novel-Place
The subReddit was super divided on this situation, and it all went back to whether or not it was right to be intimate in someone else’s home.
Those who felt it was fine and to be expected found the OP’s behavior to be creepy and nosy. But those who agreed with the OP that intimate activities could wait also agreed that the guests should have cleaned up after themselves or at least have been honest about what happened when they left the room in disarray.