Weddings are one of those special occasions that have a way of bringing out a person’s true colors.
And the person’s true values may shock those who appear at their wedding, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor ThrowAway5690123 was excited about his older sister’s wedding, and for him and his husband to take part in it.
But when she wouldn’t let his husband be in the family photo on her wedding day, the Original Poster (OP) realized how supportive of their marriage she actually was.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for leaving my sister’s wedding early because she kept my husband out of the pictures?”
The OP was having a good time on his big sister’s wedding day.
“My (31 Male) sister Anne (34 Female) got married on Saturday. My husband of seven years, Mark (32 Male), was there with me, and up until one point, it was an amazing evening.”
“After the ceremony, Anne wanted a picture with all of our siblings (there are five of us) and their respective partners, so we started lining up.”
But then the bride did something unexpected.
“When Anne saw that my husband was standing next to me, she shook her head and said something about him ‘ruining the aesthetic.’ Apparently, her plan was to put one man and one woman next to each other alternately.”
“(As a side note, my husband is able-bodied and white, as is most of my family, but we are indeed a gay couple.)”
“My youngest sister (18 Female), who doesn’t have a partner and was standing on the very side, offered to stand between the two of us, so we could be close and Anne’s wish would still be respected.”
“I thought that was a great solution, but Anne disagreed and told Mark to get out of the picture.”
“He’s quite introverted and tries to avoid confrontation under all circumstances, so he simply complied and told me not to get angry, but it was obvious that he was hurt and disappointed by being left out.”
The OP couldn’t let that stand.
“Obviously, it didn’t stop me from getting angry and I walked away with him.”
“I can understand that Anne wants her wedding pictures to look exactly how she imagined them, but I think that the idea my younger sister proposed was very reasonable.”
“I congratulated Anne and her husband one last time, but then I said my goodbyes.”
“When I was asked why we were leaving early (especially before taking the pictures), I said that I didn’t feel like our presence was wanted.”
“We left before dinner was served and I took Mark out to his favorite restaurant to cheer him up a little.”
The family was divided over what happened.
“Anne has texted me since, saying that I was being overdramatic and making a fuss over nothing.”
“Our parents have tried to remain neutral, but except for my youngest sister, the rest of the family supports Anne and thinks that leaving early was going too far and that I should’ve sucked it up instead of ruining her big day.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were supportive of the OP making a stand for his relationship with his husband.
“NTA at all. I’m so sorry you feel you even need to ask this, Anne was being unkind and you stuck up for your husband.”
“If she was just focused on the picture being girl-boy-girl-boy (which is bizarre), then she would have been okay with your younger sister in between. But she wasn’t, she wanted him out of the photo. Why? Probably homophobic or something.”
“NTA at all, sending you love because drama and bulls**t like this is exhausting.” – Watertribe_Girl
“OP was even okay with slotting the other sister in between, which was already pretty insulting when everyone else gets to couple up.”
“To still not be okay with it, well, then you’re just a s**tty person.”
“NTA, good on you for not making a scene at someone else’s wedding but also standing up for your husband. The bride can choose what kind of photos she wants, but you equally have the right to choose to be there or not.” – strikethree
“You stood up for your husband, and he’s your nuclear family.”
“Your sister is an AH, and the relatives who support her are enabling her behavior.”
“Her ‘excuse’ of not wanting your husband in the picture was perfectly solved by your younger sister. It’s obvious she just didn’t want your husband in the picture, because a picture with all her siblings with their partners would just not be complete without your husband of seven years.”
“NTA. And I love the way you took your husband to dinner instead.” – DoIWantToKnow6417
“NTA.”
“If she had been upfront about her dislike of your husband, you could have chosen to not come at all.”
“Heck, she could have been even more sneaky and put him at the end of the line and photoshopped him out (which would still be very rude and cruel, but it wouldn’t have put you in a position to choose her or your husband).”
“You did exactly right. You didn’t get her ammo by flipping over tables at her wedding. Anybody who tells you differently, tell them you want a family picture without a**holes so they’ll need to be hidden under a sheet for the next family picture. See if they think that is fair.” – blueavole
“Your sister wanted a picture of you as she desired you to be, not as you actually are. Imagine if this were any other male/female couple; would sister have made the same request, and would the flying monkeys be flinging poo like they are now?”
“Good call on walking away. Your presence, as you exist, was not desired. No reason to stick around and by quietly insulted. If the bride can’t even manage to be nice on her big day, I can’t imagine how poorly she treats you on normal days.”
“NTA.” – baka-tari
“NTA. You didn’t ruin Anne’s big day. She ruined it herself. Your sister tried to turn her homophobia into an ‘aesthetic,’ my goodness. The nerve of this woman.”
“I’m so sorry for you and your partner having to experience that.” – Gothicc_Witchxo
“NTA. What was the reason for all the other spouses to be included and not your husband? What is the issue your sister has with him? Because it can’t be aesthetic, that just makes no sense.”
“I’d have left, as well. Ask your siblings what THEY would have done after having their spouse be disrespected like this.” – Formal_Cap_1324
“NTA, your sister was being homophobic, and you did exactly what any husband should do.”
“You could have given your sister the option of ‘either this compromise or we’re leaving because I won’t let my husband be forced out of family photos when everyone else’s spouses are in it,’ or something similar, but I doubt it would have done any good.”
“Give your husband a hug and tell him this internet stranger is sorry that he went through this.” – Otherwise-Painter-67
“NTA. She expects you do celebrate her marriage while she disrespects yours. Good on you for respecting your husband.” – BensBum
“NTA. Has your sister always been shamelessly homophobic, or has the wedding brought out a new side of her?” – thiswillnotdo
But others wondered if the OP made too big of a deal out of the situation.
“YTA. You can either leave early or discuss it. Doing both is being dramatic.” – StrongWarmSweet
“YTA. It was her wedding, and it was her picture. You should have just let her take whatever silly photo she wanted and then just gone about your day. Unless she’s made any kind of anti-LGBP+ comments in the past, I would have just chalked this up to an anxious bride being an anxious bride on her wedding day.” – JasonCox
“YTA. It wasn’t your wedding. Just suck it up.” – GOTisnotover77
“YTA to your husband. You did exactly what he didn’t want you to do. You’ve only made him feel worse because he doesn’t like confrontation, and that’s exactly what he got.” – Busy_Translator_1093
“YTA. You definitely made a fuss. Saying ‘I didn’t think our presence was wanted’ was absolutely dramatic, and you said that for an audience, not to try to resolve a conflict.”
“No doubt what your sister did was wrong. But I get the feeling that leaving the party in a huff may have been too dramatic.” – noctowl4lyfe
“ESH. It was a photo, whilst your sister was extremely rude, I don’t see the need to walk out on the wedding, it creates unnecessary drama and will be remembered by many people.” – I_am_legend-ary
“ESH, except for your little sister. It’s your sister’s wedding, not yours, but your little sister did come up with a good solution. Your other sister could’ve gone with it, but it’s her wedding, so her rules.”
“You should’ve just sucked it up and let your sister have her day. Instead, you made it about you and your husband. It’s a picture, not the end of the world.” – Life_of_Wicki
“ESH. You overreacted. It’s her pictures, and she can have it any way she wishes, and by leaving, you cost them money for your plates. Your sister sounds like a piece of work.” – tnebteg456
“I bet the sister isn’t homophobic, and OP is, in fact, a vainglorious a**hole looking for validation on making his own sister’s wedding all about him.”
“Have you ever left a wedding because of a single picture? Have you ever even been involved in a wedding? There are literally THOUSANDS of pictures taken, so the idea of omitting one person from a single photo being a big deal is just silly. I can’t take OP seriously.” – Xylosoxidans
“ESH. She did a s**tty thing, but being left out of a single photo (a single photo, so why did you say pictures?) is so minor.”
“You made a big show of leaving early and made the whole wedding about your petty retaliation over the bride being picky about a single photograph. Major d**k move in response to a small slight. You should’ve left quietly instead of causing a big dramatic scene.” – yoot99
While the subReddit could all agree that the OP should have been able to take a photo with his husband, they were divided over the OP’s reaction to the bride’s plan. Some were glad to see the OP stand up for his marriage and his husband, while others pointed out that this was someone else’s wedding with someone else’s wishes for the wedding photos.