Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
When someone is given a precious gift, it's often expected that they offer a simple thank you and walk away happy.
However, some gifts carry heavy baggage in their histories.
Redditor Zealousideal-Bt found themselves in a dilemma regarding a gift from an in-law, so they turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Like AITA, the AITAH subreddit lets posters ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
They asked:
"AITAH for telling my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] I'm returning the family heirloom she gave us because it's actually a stolen property?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I got married to my husband (34 M[ale]) last year, and for our wedding anniversary he received an antique writing desk from his mother as a gift."
"She emphasized how lucky we are to possess a family heritage that has belonged to our relatives for three generations."
"Last week I was cleaning this desk and noticed a small brass plate under one of the drawers, partially covered with old tape."
"It contained an inventory number and the name of the museum located in Ohio."
"I became interested in this desk and decided to look up the museum online and contact them with a description of the desk."
"It appears that the museum experienced a robbery in their annex about 20 years ago, and the item is exactly similar to the one that was stolen back then, with the same description and even a repaired crack in the left leg."
"They asked me to send pictures of the item and informed me that they want to conduct an investigation.
"I first mentioned it to my husband, and he was taken aback."
"When I broached the topic with his mother, she got all defensive and claimed it was always in the family and that I was blowing the matter out of proportion."
"It seems she feels as though I am embarrassing her by making her feel bad in front of her brothers and sisters because they all helped get the items from an uncle of theirs who died some time ago."
"I told her that irrespective of the history of the family, if the museum can prove their ownership, then we must return it because I don't feel comfortable having something stolen in our living room."
"She told me that I shouldn't have said anything and to just leave it alone."
"Now, she has told other relatives that I am ruining the family name over an old desk."
"It is hard for my husband because he is stuck in the middle and hasn't taken sides yet."
"Some family members believe that I did the right thing, while other family members feel that I overreacted to the situation because no living person was responsible for the theft."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITAH"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"NTA. You didn’t accuse anyone—you found evidence that the desk may have been stolen and contacted the museum to verify it."
"If they can prove ownership, returning it is the only responsible thing to do."
"Keeping quiet just to protect the family’s reputation would make you complicit." ~ Vegetable_Honey4783
"And to be fair, OP didn't know it was stolen when they contacted the museum."
"It could have been a deaccessioned piece that the family picked up at an auction." ~ Britophile44
"No living person being responsible should make them feel better about returning it rather than eager to keep it. NTA." ~ PomegranateZanzibar
"NTA, but do your due diligence. Something about this just feels weird to me."
"Make the museum prove it was actually stolen, not sold to raise funds or clear space, or not given to an employee as a perk if it was being weeded from the collection."
"Someone else might be salty about it."
"Did you describe the desk and crack and they agreed, or did they describe a specific crack in a specific location, which you were able to verify?"
"Ask if they have a police report as documented proof with an exact description, date, and preferably a photograph."
"There should be documentation of the desk in their collection records, along with provenance."
"Stealing an entire writing desk seems ambitious, especially if it doesn't line up with a series of thefts while the uncle was employed there."
"Just because a museum was once in possession of an item does not mean they still own it, especially if it's a small museum."
"Can MIL or another family member produce photographs that show the desk beyond the date of the supposed theft?"
"In the living room, it might show up on Christmas or other pictures of family gatherings." ~ Tanjelynnb
"NTA. It's stolen property, and it's a moral, if not legal (depending on statute of limitations), obligation to return it to its rightful owner."
"Your husband's family member's (members'?) possible past criminal activity will at least make for an interesting story."
"And no family name to ruin unless they were all in on it or something." ~ Sith_Lord_Onyx
"NTA. And now it's really not up to your MIL or you."
"If the item is stolen, it legally belongs to the museum, and you have to return it."
"Family pride has no bearing on the matter."
"If they didn't want to be embarrassed, maybe they shouldn't lie and keep secrets and support theft."
"Your husband really needs to grow a spine and back you up." ~ drharleenquinzel92
"I would regard this as an exciting story! You have solved a mystery and uncovered a crime."
"Maybe it was committed by a wicked uncle, maybe it was purchased innocently, who knows?"
"If I were you, I would take a picture of this object, and have it enlarged, then some smaller pictures of The Clues (the museum plate, the crack, etc.) and display them together."
"Great talking point for guests!"
"At least display it if your MIL keeps insisting you are wrong. If she pipes down, maybe not."
"You are doing the right thing." ~ YourLittleRuth
"NTA if it isn’t the stolen desk, then it will stay in the family."
"If it is, then it belongs back in the museum where the previous owner intended by sale or gift."
"I’m surprised no one in the family can offer information about the desk’s provenance if it is so expensive and has been in the family so long."
"People are usually proud of how expensive and important items were acquired, and those stories are shared." ~ Icy_Airport_8061
"NTA, and you don't need the bad karma."
"Or it belongs to the museum; let them have it."
"Given the drama it has caused, I can't imagine you'd want it in your house."
"If I were you, I'd take a second look at any gifts MIL hands over."
"Christmas with her must be exciting." ~ PC_Mwende
"It's the natural thing to do. In my former business, I bought and sold used books, many purchased often at thrift stores, were deaccessioned from libraries."
"But when I found a book that showed signs of library markings being deliberately obscured (using white-out rather than overstamped 'CANCELLED' or something), I found enough unobscured lettering to identify the owner."
"I emailed the Nova Scotia College of Art and Design (definitely not local; it's over 1000 km away) and asked, 'Is this your book, and do you still want it?'"
"Yes, it was; it went missing over 10 years ago, and yes, they did."
"We made arrangements to send it back at their expense."
"And it turned out I knew the librarian; she's a knitter and knitwear designer in her after-hours life, and we'd had some online interactions, so it was happiness all round."
"Fortunately, OP's MIL was not involved."
"OP is absolutely NTA in any way." ~ muumi_katrinka
"NTA. You found something interesting, got curious, and looked into it."
"By the time you got to any point where you could've known what was going on, you all ready had a ball rolling downhill." ~ BMal_Suj
"NTA. So... the art and property stolen in WWII should not be returned to the families of the survivors because all the thieving (and worse) people who stole it are dead? No."
"Not much difference in property rights/ morals in your case."
"The family might be worried that the museum will come after more of their stuff if the theft was not a single item."
"Technically, though, insurance was possibly paid for the item(s) back in the day, so the museum's claim might be legally less?"
"(I dunno) Not that I don't think it should go back to them." ~ KnightofForestsWild
"NTA, it's natural to be curious about family heirlooms and to look into them to learn more."
"It's pretty common as a way for people to learn more about their family."
"It's a bit weird to describe something like this as 'being in the family for three generations'; that's not actually that long."
"20 years would be about right and only goes back to your husband's grandparents' generation."
"That it appears to have been stolen by a dodgy uncle is hardly your fault."
"It could just as easily have been part of a temporary exhibit at the museum, or sold on as redundant material if they had many examples of the same item."
"If I learned some piece of furniture I'd had was once in a museum, I'd certainly be interested to know why someone had thought it worthy of display!"
"Your mother-in-law's embarrassment is self-inflicted."
"I'd think this was terribly funny and a story to tell at parties."
"Depending on where you are, it's all but certain the statute of limitations has long passed, so it's not likely that there will be any legal trouble from this."
"Not to mention, returning a stolen item is a good look for your family as a whole, no matter that it was stolen 20 years ago!" ~ Remarkable-Intern-41
This is a juicy tale, OP.
Please let there be a follow-up.
Reddit is with you.
The last thing you need is Federal agents at your door.
Good Luck.
