Redditor Additional-Board-517 asked:
“AITA for taking my credit card from my girlfriend and giving her a cash allowance instead?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“For context, I work in maritime construction so I’m not home that often. My girlfriend is a new grad who is struggling to find work.”
“Since I earn a good living, I decided to get my girlfriend a credit card that she could use when I’m gone and I’d pay it off as she used it. I figured it would be a good way to build credit.”
“At first it worked great, but I started noticing she was buying a lot of brand clothes online. It started with some gymshark stuff, which is an expensive brand but she would only get 1-2 items at a time.”
“Soon though, it became $300-$400 orders and I would get frustrated thinking why the hell would you need so many pairs of leggings and shirts? It actually got to the point where she started using my space in the closet because she had too many clothes.”
“We had some conversations about it after that and she stopped buying things online for a while.”
“But it all came to a head last month when she ordered a huge instant pot, an air fryer, and some other items including clothes for both her and me.”
“I was stuck in Sitka, Alaska and when I checked the card we were damn near maxed out and I had to dip into my savings to pay it off.”
“By the time I got home I was absolutely pissed and, I will admit, probably should have handled it with more tact but I ended up taking my credit card back and started leaving her with $1000-$1500 cash for the two weeks I’m usually gone.”
“She’s been pissed about it since I started doing it and calls me an a**hole but I really think she is [the a**hole] for spending all that money without telling me.”
The OP clarified the arrangement.
“There’s been some confusion here. I do not give her $1500 each week on a salary, so it doesn’t add up to $3,000 a month.”
“I leave her with $1,500. For example, she spends $250 in 2 weeks, next time I leave she gets $250 to ‘refill’ her cash amount.”
“She called me an a**hole because without the card she can’t order food online and she made comments about handling cash during a pandemic.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“OP should tell her to open a checking account, deposit the $1500 and use HER debit card.”
“What kind of college educated person can’t figure out how to get a debit card, or at least pay cash for a prepaid VISA card at Target?” ~ Key-Tensio
“She can deposit the cash in a checking account if she wants to order food with a debit card.”
“She’s pitching a fit because she’d prefer to have access to unlimited spending that she doesn’t have to pay for.” ~ TeamChaos17
“NTA. But seriously reconsider this relationship.”
“She has no qualms spending your money like it’s nothing while you work hard.” ~ 0biterdicta
“Relationships are tough for people who are incompatible with money. Truly tough.”
“You really need to have a difficult conversation, or this may not be a feasible relationship going forward. If she seems to be inclined to spend and hide the purchases, that is a bad sign.” ~ zootnotdingo
“I’m trying to imagine what kind of a partner thinks a shared credit card is carte blanche for reckless and unnecessary spending.”
“I think this goes beyond financial incompatibility and is indicative of lack of respect for one’s partner.” ~ Mizzy3030
“I have a credit card that’s my husband’s really and it’s only used for pre-approved house stuff. I have never thought to use it for my clothing!”
“And I was making very very little at one point and would have loved extra money for pretty things but I didn’t NEED more clothes so I didn’t buy them.”
“That’s how life works, you can’t just buy frivolous things because you feel like it when you don’t have the money.” ~ Nomada88
“Reading through all of your responses, you sound very much like my brother. He’s on girlfriend number 3 of this exact scenario.”
“The last two were able to magically find full time work immediately after the break up.”
“I will say to you what I wish I could get through to him. You have more to offer than your money.”
“It is wonderful that you are trying to be a supportive partner, but that doesn’t have to be money. This girl might just be struggling with her identity after graduating and struggling to find work, but you work away making good money and there are people who will take advantage of the lifestyle that can come with that.”
“You need to think about what you want long term and have a talk to sort out if you are both on the same page on how your roles in the relationship will be 10 years from now.” ~ UglyYoungRat
“NTA. Everything else aside, I think this is not a great approach.”
“If she just likes and has no compulsion about spending your money, what is the incentive for her to spend $200 and get a $200 ‘refill’ when she could just as easily spend $500 and get a $500 refill?”
“To be fair, I wouldn’t be cool with just straight up supporting a spend happy person at all, but if I were going to, it would be a weekly or monthly budget.”
“You get x amount of money a week, and if you spend that all on clothes and playthings, you’ll have to wait until next week to get more (with the caveat that if the hot water heater breaks or something, have the guy call me and I’ll put it on my card.)”
“Is that treating her like a child with an allowance? Yep.”
“But I guess that’s why I’m not well suited to be in that kind of relationship because a person who isn’t working and wants to spend all this money on unnecessary stuff would feel like supporting a child to me.” ~ YourDadsNewGF
At the end of the day, Redditors pointed out they were not married or engaged and there are no children.
The money was his from his job, but he was supporting his girlfriend while she’s unemployed. His money, his rules.
Or the girlfriend could get her own job and her own money.