It’s incredibly frustrating when a vacation doesn’t go as planned.
Some people can adapt fairly easily, and will make the most with the hand they were dealt.
Others might not take certain changes as well, and as a result will have trouble finding any joy to be had for the remainder of their trip.
Redditor throwaway477212498 and their girlfriend found themselves in a predicament with the house they rented on their vacation, though the original poster (OP) felt there was a fairly easy solution to this problem.
Their girlfriend, however, was not pleased with this change to their accommodation, eventually leading to some tense words between the two of them.
Wondering if they might have been to hard on their girlfriend, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for calling my girlfriend a spoiled child after she said she felt like a neanderthal showering with a bucket?”
The OP shared how their idyllic vacation hit a speed bump with their accommodation, but one the OP didn’t think could ruin their vacation.
“My girlfriend and I are currently in vacation in Croatia.”
“We booked a small villa from Airbnb in which we have been staying this last week.”
“Three days ago the water heater stopped working so we called the owner.”
“A few hours later he brought a plumber with him, after some investigation he told us that the issue will take a week or more to solve because the plumber told him that the heater was old and needed replacing so he needs to shop for a new one and then it needs to be installed in a new location.”
“He told us he was going to refund the amount we paid for that day plus the remaining days of our booking, and if we wanted to stay despite the lack of hot water he was going give us a much cheaper rate (40% off).”
“We were having a great time and enjoying our stay because the villa was nice and the view of the beach was incredible and looked times better than the heavily edited pictures you see on the internet.”
“Not to mention it was good deal especially with the newer rate, so we decided to stay after I told my gf that we could just shower using a bucket.”
“Something to note, my girlfriend has never showered that way.”
“She’s American, but still I assume that many people from the US would have at least heard about it despite never trying it.”
“Growing up, I exclusively showered that way at home until we could afford a heater and its monthly costs.”
“t\The only showers I took at home before were with cold water.”
“She was surprised to hear it and thought I joking at first.”
After giving it a few tries, the OP’s girlfriend found “bucket showers” to be an annoying challenge, which began to increasingly offend the OP.
“The following day I gave her some tips and after she was done I asked her how it went.”
“She said it was more of a chore than a shower.”
“Last evening she went to take a shower again before getting ready to leave for dinner.”
“After she was done, she started complaining non-stop about showering with a bucket saying it was very primitive and couldn’t believe that some people really did that way because she felt like a neanderthal the whole time.”
“I didn’t like her comment because it was disrespectful.”
“She apologized saying her comment wasn’t directed towards me but more towards the people that still shower this way.”
“I told her that her clarification makes her comment a 100 times worse because it was insulting to a lot of people.”
“She replied that she didn’t know what I wanted to her say because she had already apologized to me and asked if I just looking to argue for no reason.”
“I told her that last thing I want to do is a argue with a spoiled child and went downstairs.”
“I waited for her while downstairs she got ready.”
“When she came down she informed me that she’ll be going to the restaurant alone because she didn’t want to embarrass me in case she started acting like a spoiled child.”
“I tried apologizing for my comment but she just ignored me and left.”
“It’s 3:30 now and she just came back half an hour ago.”
“I tried talking to her again but she told me she was tired and just wanted to sleep.”
The OP also clarified their girlfriend was not tricked into staying in the villa, and did agree to staying on, even with a “bucket shower”.
“It was a suggestion that she agreed with because we both didn’t want to leave the villa, since most of the houses by the beachside were booked and the ones we found available were too expensive for us to afford.”
“We discussed showering at the public showers by the beach but they only had cold water and the fact that they were public, the closest gym was 25 minutes away so it wasn’t viable to waste approximately an hour each day to shower unless we planned our days around it because we don’t visit the downtown every day.”
“We both decided to stay after I suggested we could shower with hot water using a bucket.”
“It’s not like I am not forcing her to stay or shower with a bucket.”
“We could just find another place to stay at for the remainder of our vacation even if it’s not as nice as the villa.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided on where the OP or their girlfriend fell in this situation.
Some agreed with the OP that their girlfriend was acting spoiled and insenstive, and deserved to be called out on it.
“NTA.”
“She was acting like a spoiled child.”
“She doesn’t even realize what a privilege it is to be able to complain about that sort of thing.”-xdangermanx
“NTA.”
“She said something hurtful, inconsiderate, disrespectful & rude.”
“Especially if she knew that you had to do that growing up.”
“Genuinely, I feel horrible she said that to you.”
“Also – don’t apologize, she offended you & stood by it.”
“You should do the same.”- SnooDucks9652
“NTA.”
“Privileged to be exact.”
“I went to visit my parents’ home country during college and showering with the bucket was our only option if we wanted to shower in the evenings since there’s only water in the mornings.”
“But it still did the trick.”
“I even laughed about it with my sister.”
“I threatened her not to use up the lukewarm water that was collected for that day.”
“It’s also the same water used to flush the toilet down.”
“Anywho, other places have it harder which will require a lot of hard work, creativity and will still gets folks cleaned.”
“You girlfriend lacks perspective.”
“I would have been on cloud 9 traveling to Croatia and not sweat the little stuff!”- stacity
Others, however, felt that OP was much too hard on their girlfriend, and should have been more understanding of her discomfort in showering with a bucket.
“YTA.”
“Your situation of having to shower was a bucket was literally a chore like your gf said because of the broken water heater which is why you received a big discount.”
“Literally a chore.”
“Your girlfriend also tried it and did it.”
“She’s allowed to complain because she is literally trying it.”
“She grew up differently than you, and no people in industrialized countries do not shower with buckets.”
“It sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder about the conditions you grew up in, but that’s not your girlfriend’s fault.”- Damn_el_Torpedoes
“Kinda the a**hole, bro.”
“Sure, it might’ve been ‘disrespectful’, but what are you?”
“The champion of the poor, huddled masses?”
“You know damn well she didn’t mean her comment as an insult.”
“She meant it in the ‘descriptive’.”
“And while such a description is accurate; nevertheless, she apologized.”
“Just because you are self conscious about growing up poor doesn’t give you an excuse to project that insecurity onto your SO.”
“Next time, count to ten and let it go.”- nicka163
While some felt that neither were at fault, believing that the OP’s girlfriend had every right to be annoyed, but the OP was justified in being hurt by her comments.
“NAH.”
“A lot of people comment ‘having water is privileged for some’.”
“Excuse me but that’s ‘my vacation I pay for and I can complain if something is not how I want it’.”
“Other people don’t pay my vacation’.”
“Sure she agreed on staying but I think person can complain a little bit.”
“At least I call it venting.”
“I know I can’t change it but I can still voice out it bothers me.”- KrisTheMermaid
Seeing as the OP grew up regularly taking bucket showers, it’s not hard to understand why they were hurt by their girlfriend’s words.
That being said, it seems like the OP’s girlfriend was talking out of frustration, and her emotions had gotten the better of her, making it equally understandable why she felt hurt by the OP’s words.
Hopefully they can salvage the rest of their vacation.