Not everyone knows the right gift to get your significant other. While you’d hope after years of your relationship you’d know exactly what they want, people aren’t so simple.
Which is why Redditor Born_Ad4324 can’t understand why her boyfriend is so upset. The original poster (OP) got what she thought would be a good gift, no ill-intent, and her boyfriend doesn’t like it.
The couple got into a fight, leading to OP deciding to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about her gift.
She also chose not to replace his gift because of his reaction.
“AITA for not buying my boyfriend another birthday gift after he rejected the original present?”
Who is at fault?
“Throwaway and please refrain from ‘break up’ comments. Those don’t help.”
“I’m 25F(emale) and I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. His birthday was last week. Him and I are not into the same music so we don’t go to many shows together but when we have gone together it has been very fun.”
“My boyfriend loves bands. I don’t really know how else to put it. He listens to a lot of rock music from these bands I’ve never heard of.”
“Imagine Dragons are coming to our city this summer. I know who they are and I know they’re a band so I figured this would be an awesome present for my boyfriend. I got us the tickets and was very excited.”
“My excitement was short lived, it turned into sadness very soon. Here is a summary of how the gift exchange went down:”
“I bought him some other smaller things but put the ticket confirmation in an envelope with the card I made for him. He opens the envelope and I’m met with a ‘uhhhhhh.. what?’”
“I explained to him that they’re coming to town and I thought it would be a lot of fun to go together, and that I want to get more into the music he likes. Then he responds ‘this is not the music I like.. just because a band has instruments doesn’t mean it’s what I like’”
“I am getting very sad at this point. I asked him if he really wouldn’t have fun. He says: ‘honestly you should just try to get your money back, I don’t want to go to this’”
“I say okay as I am literally holding back tears. He then says that I could try to resell the tickets. He goes on his phone and googles concerts in the area around that date, and says we could go to one of these shows instead.”
“I snapped at him. I said I really tried to do something I thought he’d like. And that it’s extremely hurtful the way he responded.”
“‘we have been dating for 3 years, how did you not know that I don’t like that music? I wouldn’t get you tickets to the Travis Scott concert for your birthday because I am well aware you hate rap. You should have known I wouldn’t like this’”
“At that point I actually started crying. I just said I wanted to do something together and he didn’t have to be so mean. He tried to walk back everything he said and he was like we can go I’m sure it would be fun.”
“I told him f*** no. I know how he really feels.”
“He is now upset saying that it’s basically like I got him nothing for his birthday since I won’t resell the tickets to get different tickets and that I won’t suck it up and go with him after he made it very clear how he feels. Aita”
OP understands she didn’t get her boyfriend exactly what he wanted, but should she have gotten him another gift?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for how she reacted to her boyfriend not liking his birthday gift by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP and her boyfriend have been together for years. While she shouldn’t be expected to know what the perfect gift for her boyfriend is, she should have a basic understanding of what he likes.
Failing that, when he gave suggestions for how to fix it, selling the tickets and offering to find another concert, OP became obstinate. This made her explanation of doing something together a little harder to swallow.
The board agreed that OP was TA.
“YTA. It’s the equivalent of taking someone to a restaurant and forcing them to eat food they don’t like, and calling it a gift. Then you’re surprised and get mad when they don’t like it?”
“You could’ve just looked at some of his playlists to see what artists he likes before actually booking the tickets.” – Cute-Business2770
“This comment here is making me thing that I may have overreacted and not be as much of the victim as I thought” – Born_Ad4324 (OP)
“No no no no… Not only that but also YTA. After three years you just know he likes bands?!?!”
“And you can’t understand not all bands play the same music?!”
“How self-centered are you?” – Bakecrazy
“I’m surprised how few people are shocked at OP’s generalization of bands. If she didn’t know which bands he likes, that’s one thing, but then to just casually throw out there that he ought to like it because it’s a band?”
“Wtf is that? It’s like assuming you can buy a random book for someone who’s always reading, or any video game or any movie for someone who likes to play games or watch movies.”
“OP didn’t say what kind of music she likes, does she literally like every example in her genre? It’s just really weird that it wouldn’t occur to her even after the fact that it might be an unreasonable assumption.” – rbollige
“I’m gonna have to say YTA. You’ve been dating three years and know that bands and music are very important to him…but you can’t even be bothered to pay attention to which bands? Or check if he likes a certain band before you buy tickets?”
“It feels like the kind of gift a distant elderly relative would buy him because she heard he likes ‘bands’, not a gift from his partner who ought to know him better than anyone.”
“While his response wasn’t gracious, I don’t blame him for being frustrated when he got a gift that showed him clearly you don’t pay very close attention to what’s important to him.”
“My husband likes video games and I don’t, but I’ve asked him plenty of questions over the years about what he likes about them, which type he likes, etc.”
“If I bought him a completely random video game for his birthday because ‘you like video games’, I’m sure he’d be upset and confused at the lack of thought and care that went into the gift.”
“As they say, it’s the thought that counts. . .and you didn’t think very hard about this at all.” – Temporary_Badger
The board was insistent on getting OP to understand what she did wrong and how to empathize with her boyfriend.
“I kind of think you’re the a**hole here. It feels like you didn’t check his music list or look at his band t-shirts or maybe check his spotify to see what he might actually like, and just got him tickets to some band YOU heard of.”
“It also feels like he tried to let you know you could resell the tickets and tries to find other shows that you would both enjoy.”
“So here’s what I see: Instead of lying to you, he decides to turn it into a different show you could enjoy together, which is what you wanted in the first place. You threw a fit.”
“Do you want him to lie to you in the future? Did you want to go to a show with him? You’re doing it all wrong.”
“I wish you the best in moving through this with him. edit: YTA” – pottsantiques
“Right? Did she actually want him to go to a show he enjoyed or did she just want him to adore her for the gift? Because I’m only seeing one motivation here and it wasn’t his happiness, it was the thought of her feeling good about her gift.” – violetbaudelairegt
“I guess I could have done more research on the types of bands he likes. My mentality was ‘oh a band that I actually have heard of it, I’m sure we’d enjoy this together because it also seems up his alley’” – Born_Ad4324 (OP)
“But… you’ve been together for three years. It’s not unreasonable for him to expect that you put some effort into understanding his interests.”
“You said he listens to a lot of music from artists you’ve never heard of. You jumped to ‘this popular band is coming so I’ll get tickets’, without putting any effort into finding what kind of music he likes.”
“It probably wouldn’t have been that hard to find a playlist of his.”
“Saying ‘he likes bands’ is pretty general, most people have music genres they like & dislike. It’s like saying ‘he likes sports’ and getting him tickets to a baseball game when he’s really into hockey.” – stubborn_panda26
“Yes I understand that now. The sports analogy did it for me. I love baseball and I always have.”
“I couldn’t give less of a shit about the NBA though. If he got me basketball tickets because ‘I like sports’ I’d be a little like wtf” – Born_Ad4324 (OP)
It took some time, but OP understands what she did wrong, and feels bad. While she hasn’t said as much, here’s hoping she makes it up to her boyfriend.