Being late isn’t the end of the world.
But when someone is late while people are waiting, it’s always nice to have an apology and a reason at the ready.
The later people are doesn’t often sit well with others.
In fact, it can raise a lot of questions and concerns.
Case in point…
Redditor DesignedBasic wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for canceling my boyfriend’s birthday party after he failed to show up on time?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“It was my (26 F[emale]) boyfriend’s (30 M[ale]) birthday last month.”
“We didn’t spend it together because he was away with family.”
“So I’d decided to organize a birthday party for him with a couple of his friends.”
“Everything was settled, the place, the time, everything.”
“Maybe 3 hours before we needed to leave for the party, he got a call from a colleague asking if he could come to help him with something at work, and my boyfriend accepted.”
“He promised he’d be back on time for the party.”
“We were supposed to leave at 7:30 pm, but he wasn’t there so I tried calling, but he didn’t pick up.”
“So I left a voicemail, saying I was leaving for the party and he needed to join me there.”
“By 9 pm, everybody was here but not my boyfriend.”
“We all waited for him, but at 10, as he still didn’t arrive or give any news, his friends started leaving one by one, and I decided to cancel the party altogether.”
“I texted my boyfriend: ‘Party canceled, everybody went home, and so did I.'”
“When he came home an hour later, we had a fight, and he left.”
“I didn’t know where he went until his mom texted me, saying that I was horrible for what I did and that he was gonna stay at her place for a while.”
“I do feel bad because I know he was really excited about the party.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“It really makes no sense, and him coming into work on his birthday does sound suspect but ask yourself this, what did he literally want you to do? People started leaving. It’s not like they were all waiting for him.”
“They started to leave.”
“I don’t know what’s happening with this going to work thing, but it does sound a bit suspicious.”
“ETA: OP, also why does he finally come home when you text him the party is over?”
“Clearly he was watching his phone. He just did not come to the party?!”
“And then blames you for it when HIS friends started to leave.” ~ Dazzling-Raccoon-201
“Oh good! I’m not the only one who thinks this is mad sus.”
“I’ve NEVER heard of mechanics working on customers’ cars after hours.”
“I’m pretty damn sure it wasn’t a colleague who called up and kept him out… on his bday… until 11.”
“And the fact he ran home to Mommy is another red flag.”
“Forget being gentle, I believe in ripping the bandaid off fast.”
“OP: Your man is cheating on you.” ~ Jedisilk015
“Exactly. That’s the first thing that crossed my mind, too, that he has someone else on the side.”
“No one disappears like that without any contact unless they’re up to no good.”
“OP, don’t let on that you suspect anything, but do some digging and see what’s going on.”
“Personally, I would straight up ask him if I can see his phone/emails/social media.”
“If he says no, that will tell me all I need to know.”
“That’s really not a normal thing what your boyfriend did.”
“Also, NTA.” ~ PsychoticNurse
“NTA. But if I were you, I’d be wary of a 30-year-old running home to mommy after something like this, and her texting you.”
“Does he often have colleagues calling him to go to work from 4:30 pm to 11 pm without contacting you the entire time?”
“He must have a really important job to do a full day’s work after his normal hours and not have a second to let you know he’ll be late to his own party that he’s really excited about!”
“I wonder what he does.” ~ TemptingPenguin369
“I think you know this is really fishy.”
“At the very least, he’s incredibly disrespectful of your time and effort and his friend’s time.”
“And then this 30-year-old man went home to Mom?”
“Think about this relationship carefully.” ~ HM4U-
OP came back with a little info…
“I don’t know. Maybe they really needed to finish the car.”
“I’m not even sure WHY he had to go. He didn’t tell me.”
“I know he can work until late, like 8 pm sometimes, but when he comes back later than that, it’s because they went out to drink after the work was done.”
“But he usually texts me before to warn me and makes sure I’m okay with it.”
Reddit continued…
“I’m saying this with kindness.”
“Please read all the comments and questions you’re getting here from internet strangers who have absolutely no stake in your relationship.”
“His story doesn’t feel honest to anyone for a number of reasons.”
“The fact that he dragged Mommy into this is another red flag.”
“Please take care of yourself; you don’t deserve this treatment and these lies.” ~ TemptingPenguin369
“Yeah, at the very least he’s selfish and entitled.”
“Even if I had to work late, OP says sometimes he gets drinks after. Okay.”
“He must really LOVE his coworkers to go get drinks after and miss a party set up by a romantic partner.”
“I’ve had coworkers I really enjoyed and called friends, hung out outside of work, but never in a million years would I go get drinks with them and make my boyfriend who spent time, money, effort?”
“To set up this event for me, and now other people are also waiting on me to get there.”
“That’s classless and rude.”
“You say ‘Thanks for the offer, my partner has a party with my family waiting, gotta run!’”
“In fact, you make it a point that you need to leave ASAP, so can we please get this work done as quickly as we can?”
“And if you’re called into work til 10 PM and absolutely cannot get to a phone, you apologize profusely.”
“Even if it is your birthday because people tried to do something nice for you that was a colossal waste of their precious time you’re not entitled to it because your mom birthed you that day 30 years ago.”
“Clearly Mommy seems to think he’s just as entitled, probably where this all stems from. Dude is a straight jacka**.”
“Or hiding something. Or both.”
“There’s no good scenario here.” ~ PinkBright
“My father was a surgeon.”
“And never did this. Read that again.”
“He got called into the ER to go operate on someone for hours and still found a way to let my mother know.”
“Even way back in the 70s when there were no cellphones, he was able to do this if he was just going to be late for dinner, never mind a party where a group of people waited for hours for him and he has a cellphone.”
“He is straight-up lying.”
“He could have and should have let you know.”
“While he disrespected you most of all, he also disrespected the other people at the party.”
“I really hope everyone telling you how completely unacceptable his behavior is getting through to you.” ~ Born_Ad8420
“When I was in medical school, I was shadowing a surgeon for what was supposed to be a quick procedure.”
“There ended up being serious complications.”
“The surgeon spoke to another person in the room to call his wife, and please let her know that he was going to be later than he thought and he was sorry.”
“An hour and a half later, he had them call again to apologize.”
“I’m not a mechanic, so I don’t know if there are situations where a car’s life hangs in the balance, but it seems to me that there are ways you can let people know when you’re running late.”
“When you want to. When you care.”
“When you don’t have anything to hide. NTA.” ~ Dependent-Relief-552
“NTA and you didn’t cancel it, he did.”
“His friends came. “
“They stayed at least an hour… while he didn’t show. “
“And he didn’t apologize or send any message.”
“He was an AH.”
“Even if it was an absolute emergency, he needed to be courteous enough to tell you and the friends waiting for him.”
“During the fight afterward, did he explain?”
“Recognize that he was disrespectful?”
“Give you any information?”
“He probably got a message from his mistress and stayed late. Good riddance.” ~ Tangerine_Bouquet
“I can tell you the day my partner’s mother intervenes where her nose has no business, in a situation where he was clearly in the wrong, is going to be my last day with my partner.”
“He ran home to tell his mother instead of doing what he said he was going to do, AND she didn’t tell him he was an AH, herself?”
“Psssh. Hard no. NTA.” ~ loverlyone
Well, OP, sounds like Reddit is with you.
And a little worried for you.
It may be time to do some deep thinking about this relationship.
There are a lot of red flags waving around here.