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Guy Threatens To Disinvite Girlfriend As Wedding Date After Disagreement Over Him Wearing Kilt

man in kilt
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The modern kilt originated in the first quarter of the 18th century—between 1700 and 1725.

Referred to as the “little wrap”—fèileadh beag—in Highland Gaelic, it evolved from the “big wrap”—fèileadh mòr—or “belted plaid.”

This first identifiably Scottish men’s attire emerged in the late 16th century.

While many are familiar with kilts made of Clan or regimental tartans, there are also casual tartans that are akin to khakis or cargo pants.

These every day kilts are worn to engage in day to day activities while Clan or regimental tartans are often reserved for ceremonial or celebratory occasions.

A man proud of his Scottish roots found himself in conflict with his girlfriend when he decided—with the bride’s approval—to wear his kilt to a wedding. He turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Wilted_kilt asked:

“AITA for threatening to not take my girlfriend as my +1 to a friend’s wedding over a wardrobe disagreement?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“Two of my friends (Kate and Max, not their real names) are getting married to each other.”

“I received an invitation that included loose guidelines for attire—not quite a strict dress code, but guidelines for men to wear a formal suit and tie with the ‘Please reach out with any questions’ addendum.”

“Because I tend to wear a nice 8 yard kilt with a Prince Charlie or Braemar jacket and waistcoat when I am wearing formal attire, I reached out to Kate to ask if it would be appropriate and told my girlfriend (Sara, also a fake name) that I hoped I could wear my kilt.”

“I am an American of Scottish decent, and kilts are—in my experience—not terribly uncommon as formal attire. The groom is the child of a Scottish immigrant and an American, which is why he is going to be wearing a kilt and some of the guests from his side of the family will be as well.”

“To be honest it was the groom who got me wearing kilts several years ago, whereupon I discovered that they are more comfortable and look better on me than suits do.”

“I have actually been to Scotland a couple times.”

“As for why I want to wear my Kilt and Prince Charlie, I have very nice formal Highland attire that is my go-to for important occasions. It looks good on me and is far nicer than than anything else I own.”

“Before I received a reply, Sara told me that I absolutely cannot wear my kilt because it wouldn’t be appropriate for formal attire. Mind you she has seen me in my kilt and PC for other formal events.”

“But she said that she would leave it if the bride said it was okay.”

“So all was good for a few days. Until Kate responded that it was great because Max would also be wearing a kilt as would a handful of other people at the wedding.”

“Initially Sara insisted that I still shouldn’t wear a kilt because I would stand out too much because I won’t be in the wedding party. I pointed out that Kate explicitly said that she already knew some guests would be wearing kilts.”

“But yesterday, Max texted me because Sara had asked him to tell me not to wear my kilt. He was weirded out because he knew that I would ask to wear my kilt and thought it was strange for her to ask him about it.”

“I was kind of hurt and when I asked why she asked Max to tell me not to wear a kilt, she said that she thought it was the only way to get me not to embarrass her.”

“I kind of get the embarrassment angle. I do sometimes get stares when I’m wearing a kilt in public, and I know that she is introverted.”

“She also comes from a pretty conservative background and when we first met she hadn’t really encountered kilts before. She has had some misgivings about me wearing them in the past.”

“I admit I got kind of mad and told her that I didn’t have to bring her as my plus one, because I was the one who was invited. We got into an argument and she left pretty mad last night.”

“I really hope it isn’t a relationship ending fight. I am going to give her some space so I can think on it.”

“I am feeling a little more emotionally itchy about her talking to the groom now. I hadn’t considered her asking the groom to be an attempt at controlling me, but I definitely see that now.”

“I don’t know for certain if she really meant it that way though. I am going to have to give her some space for a few days before having another conversation about it.”

“While I feel justified in my decision, I also don’t know if I am in the wrong.”

The OP summed up their situation. 

“The action that I took that should be judged was threatening to not take my GF as my plus one to a friend’s wedding.”

“I am afraid that telling her that I didn’t have to take her with me was rude.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

“NTA. It appears that everybody but your girlfriend is fine with you wearing a kilt. Leaving her behind for this wedding would clearly be a kindness so that she can avoid being embarrassed.”

“It’s far less drastic than her pressuring the groom to forbid you from wearing a kilt. I would consider this kind of extreme attempt at controlling you to be a red flag.” ~ extinct_diplodocus

“NTA. She asked you to your face and then in an attempt to get her own way, she went around behind your back to try to get the outcome she wanted.”

“You already said no. She didn’t like that. Her reaction is telling, dude. Listen to her telling you who she is.” ~ WikkidWitchly

“I mean, think about that request too—she asked the groom who is wearing a kilt in his own wedding to tell her boyfriend not to wear a kilt to his wedding because she thinks it’s embarrassing.”

“So she essentially tried to shame the groom for his own choice of attire in his wedding as an attempt to shame her own boyfriend for his clothing choice.”

“The only embarrassing thing here is OP’s girlfriend and her tacky control issues. NTA.” ~ Amazing_Cabinet1404

“If wearing the kilt is about OP having Scottish heritage, I would be even more upset that she was trying to deny or control that. I would question whether someone so uncomfortable with it was someone I wanted to be with. NTA.” ~ Excellent-Shape-2024

“NTA. Sara needs to get over herself. You’ll actually be less likely to be stared at during the wedding because others will be wearing kilts.”

“And Sara way overstepped by going to the groom behind your back.”

“But do expect this to be a relationship ending fight if you disinvite your girlfriend as your +1 to the wedding.” ~ Turbulent-Maybe-1040

“NTA. Please understand that if this is the relationship ending fight, it isn’t over clothing.”

“It’s over her projecting her insecurities on to you at your expense, her trying to manipulate you by going around both you AND the bride, and by trying to rope your friend into her lies.”

“The clothing was simply the avenue with which these giant red flags showed themselves.” ~ MrsDarkOverlord

“You shouldn’t be hoping that this isn’t a relationship ending fight. You should be taking her going behind your back to the groom in an attempt to control you as a relationship ending action.”

“She does not respect boundaries. She doesn’t respect you. And her actions don’t speak well for how she will treat you and try to control/manipulate you in the future.”

“You should be happy you are learning this now before the relationship becomes more permanent.” ~  JakeDC

“She’s not even friends with the bride and groom. Who exactly is she worried about being ’embarrassed’ in front of?”

“She should be more embarrassed that she put this on the groom before his big dday.NTA. Find yourself someone who loves you with or without your kilt.” ~ crownjules77

“NTA. You should be the one wanting out if she’s willing to go behing your back to manipulate you into doing what she wants. Nevermind the topic of her manipulation.”

“She is going to pitch this same fit for every formal event going forward. She thinks your kilt is embarrassing and you shouldn’t wear it.”

“Think about your future here, no kilt ever again. And don’t even dare to dream that she’d let you wear one to your own wedding—completely off the table.” ~ eiram87

“NTA. As long as what you’re wearing is within the guidelines of your friends’ wedding, you should be okay to wear what you want. Your girlfriend has the same freedom to choose how to dress at this event.”

“For some reason, she has doubled down on not approving your choice of clothing. While that’s on her, you might consider trying to figure out what’s really going on.”

“You are right in that she doesn’t have to go if (a) your clothing choices will embarrass her, (b) she’s going to continue to fuss about it, and/or (c) she’s going to cause a stink at the wedding or reception since multiple men will be in kilts.” ~ Individual_Ad_9213

“NTA. My husband is a kilt every day guy. He has casual kilts for around the house, but I love going out with him as he ALWAYS gets compliments from men and women.”

“I find that amazing, because men don’t often comment on other men’s clothes. I’m also not the jealous type and enjoy my hubs being admired by other ladies.”

“If your girlfriend is embarrassed by the kilt, she needs to get over herself. They are a gorgeous piece of clothing with a long and proud history.” ~ LeamhAish

It sounds like the OP has some things to think about and discuss with his girlfriend.

Whatever happens with his relationship, he can continue to wear his kilt with Reddit’s approval.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.