Food is can cause a lot of issues in a couple, especially the dreaded question, “What do you want to have for dinner?”
Sometimes, often, the discourse is about sharing food.
When sharing food, there are unspoken rules… don’t eat everything.
And if one is really hungry, then maybe one should order more during the shopping process.
This sort of situation can be a strain on many relationships.
Case in point…
Redditor DCpurpleTart33 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for hiding food from my boyfriend?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So me (43 F[emale]) and my boyfriend (44 M[ale]) have been together for years and live together.”
“We don’t have kids.”
“We’re very happy and have good communication.”
“There is one issue that drives me nuts.”
“We use a joint account to buy food for us, usually shopping together a few times a month and then one of us picking up things here and there.”
“I cook dinner almost every night, and we don’t eat a ton of junk, but occasionally I’ll buy things we both love for a weekend or just to indulge here and there.”
“The issue is that I go to bed on the early side, and he stays up late- and goes full ham on any junk food we have around on any given night of the week.”
“I’m talking an entire family-size bag of chips and the entire container of queso- gone in one sitting that I was saving for Friday margaritas.”
“I went to make us root beer floats with the quart of ice cream and 2 liters of soda, and they were gone from shopping 2 days prior.”
“He doesn’t ever replace things. He just gives me a sheepish smile when I ask where the rest of something is, knowing that he ate it all.”
“So last night after cleaning up the kitchen from dinner, I put all the candy and chips and anything shelf stable in a different place where he wouldn’t find them.”
“He went ballistic after I went to bed that all the ‘good’ food was gone (even though I had just cooked a nice dinner).”
“I told him, ‘Welcome to my world,’ as this is constantly happening when I go to have anything that’s been purchased!”
“He said I was treating him like a child, and I said he was acting like one.”
“I don’t care that he indulges, but to literally finish off every bit of something that’s been bought for us both to enjoy is getting really old.”
“It’s not a weight thing or a money thing- I just want him to leave maybe one portion for me, or maybe we can enjoy it together!”
“So until he can show some willpower, I told him I won’t be keeping any junk food around for him to gorge on unless it’s something he’s purchased from his own account.”
“Part of me thinks this is just funny, which is why I might be the AH- but I just think he needs to figure out how to share, figure out how not to consume the entire lot in one sitting, or figure out how to buy his own treats.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – He has NO willpower when it comes to junk food.” ~ mizfit0416
“I resemble that comment.”
“This is why I purposefully stay away from junk food outside of when I’m with family and will only buy a single pack of crisps (chips for you Americans) or individual cans of drink.” ~ lostrandomdude
“Me too, but so does my partner, which is why I have the manners and grace not to dig into the shared snacks all by myself while he’s not around.”
“Because that’s an a**hole thing to do!” ~ Novel_Fox
“I literally have an eating disorder that includes uncontrollable binges sometimes, and I still make a ginormous effort to not eat my partner’s snacks.”
“Sometimes I f**k up and feel guilty, but to not try literally at all is so beyond me.”
“I don’t understand why this is such a reoccurring thing with what looks like no effort.”
“I used to do this as a teen due to my disorder, and it looked similar to what OP is describing, so it’s either him being completely selfish and a dick or him having a problem and needing help.”
“If it’s the latter, it’s more than time to ask for help.” ~ wheredMyArmourGo
“I do something similar.”
“I have a vacuum packer and buy a family size (as it’s cheaper) but then will pack them up in various size bags.”
“I don’t know about all of them, but my unit has a seal function as well as a vac and seal function.”
“This way, I can package based on the need.”
“A car or camping trip gets a bigger bag, but just snacking on a weekend or after work gets a smaller portion.”
“I also cut bags a little long and reuse/reseal them. NTA.” ~ cheesyoperator
“OP points out early on that they are happy and this is one issue, but this is clearly something that will easily escalate.”
“This should have ended completely with ‘Hey, please don’t eat this food.'”
“Husband’s ‘sheepish smile’ shows that he knows good and well that his selfish behavior was bothering OP and he truly just didn’t care.”
“His reaction was to go ‘ballistic.'”
“OP can likely expect him to retaliate in one way or another, and suddenly this isn’t a small issue anymore. NTA.” ~ TogarSucks
“NTA. My husband is a lot like this.”
“Not all at once, but he goes through snack foods so fast I barely get any.”
“I hide certain things, and he knows, including the dried apricots he likes.”
“He learned the hard way after plowing through 5 multi-serving bags in about three days.” ~ yramt
“Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but it sounds like binge eating, which is an eating disorder and not just a willpower thing.”
“The reason why I say this is because of the fact that OP says he finishes everything.”
“He doesn’t just eat some of the chips and queso – it’s a party-size portion!”
“Then another night, it’s all the ice cream and an entire 2 liter!”
“Another reason is the intensity of his reaction to there being no junk food/snacks.”
“OP describes it as ‘ballistic’ which isn’t the appropriate level for a normal reaction to no snacks.”
“He could be a normal weight and still have a binge eating disorder.”
“My experience with this is personal.”
“I recognize my own behaviors (and I do have an eating disorder!) in his actions: eating way more than normal in one sitting and an inappropriate level of upset at being denied access to food because it’s like any other addict with their drug of choice.”
“It may seem funny, but if you’re having to hide food from a grown-up because he won’t – or can’t – stop eating like this, then it’s a problem.”
“NTA, but definitely give this some thought, OP.”
“Hopefully, I’m way off base here, and he’s just being difficult.” ~ blackcrowblue
“NTA. Ok, so my husband of 25 years cannot control himself around certain foods.”
“We have to make him his own pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving.”
“I say, ‘This pie is yours. Once it is gone, it’s gone. You are not allowed to touch the other one.'”
“The kids will often find the last butterscotch crumpet gone when they were saving it. Thin Mints also have to be clearly labeled with names.”
“It’s such a pain.”
“But for the most part, my husband respects these boundaries.”
“He may sneak a cookie or two, but he doesn’t eat all of it.”
“If your boyfriend can’t respect a boundary like a stapled-shut bag with ‘Save for Saturday’ on it, you have two choices.”
“1. Don’t buy stuff until Saturday morning.”
“2. Hide the food and ignore his rants.”
“It sounds like #1 won’t work.”
“You can try it, but perhaps a cabinet with a lock on it or hiding the food is the only way to save you multiple shopping trips and spending extra money on food.”
“And not for nothing. Your bf could have disordered eating.”
“He should be able to control himself better than that.” ~ violetauto
“NTA: This is a post I’d expect about a 20-something, not a 40-something grown-a** man.”
“If he wants to pig out late at night, then he needs to use his own funds to buy whatever makes him happy.”
“The fact he takes everything and leaves absolutely nothing for you is disrespectful.”
“He might have an eating disorder where he has to finish what he starts (that’s for a doctor to decide), but to not replace the food he’s eating is not okay.” ~ debdnow
“I think your bf might have a problem.”
“His consumption of junk is way over normal especially given he’s just had a good meal.”
“You need to come to an agreement that works for you both.”
“Hiding food isn’t a great idea, but what else can you do when nothing else has worked?”
“Time for a serious talk.”
“When he’s calmed down.”
“You both need time and space without being interrupted to state your needs.”
“Make a plan from there.”
“You’re not the a**hole.”
“You were just out of all other options. NTA.” ~ SassyPieHole371
“NTA, but it seems like a simple solution would be that you both buy your own junk food from your personal accounts.”
“That way, you both only eat what you’ve personally bought.” ~ Admirable-Video8861
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
It sounds like it’s time for a food chat.
This is a conversation about respect and boundaries.
Stay calm. It’s a doable fix.
Until then, hide the Oreos.
Good luck.