A big moment in any relationship is bound to be when a partner meets their parents for the very first time. It's a nerve-wracking experience for practically anyone.
The last thing someone would want to do is mess up that first impression, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwaway__467 knew how much her adult son was looking forward to her and her husband meeting his girlfriend, who he was "crazy about," for the first time.
But when his girlfriend made a sex joke right away, the Original Poster (OP) decided it was time for the meeting to be over.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for kicking my son's girlfriend out of our house?"
The OP was looking forward to meeting her son's girlfriend.
"My husband (58 Male) and I (56 Female) recently met my son's (24 Male) girlfriend for the first time. He's been crazy about her. Apparently, they'd been dating for a year before he decided to have her meet us officially."
"What he's told us about her all seems great: she just got her degree, was enjoying her job, is family-oriented, etc., and I'm honestly just glad he's happy with her."
"My husband and I don't think he's ever been this into someone before, so I feel pretty bad about what I did."
But the girlfriend did not make the best first impression.
"Last weekend, he brought her over for dinner. By then, we'd been anticipating meeting her with how much our son had been gushing about her. How perfect she is, that she's 'the one', in his words."
"They rang the doorbell. We opened the door. She looked exactly like her pictures, which is a great start. My son was grinning ear to ear - another great start."
"We invited them in. She accepted my hug and a firm handshake from my husband, and then she opened her mouth: 'I'm the one your son puts his penis in.'"
The joke did not go over well.
"To be frank, I was appalled. I expected my husband to laugh (both he and my son are jokesters, and as annoying as it can be, I love it), but THIS was just too much for me."
"Maybe I'm reserved, but of all things that she could have shared about my son, she told us THAT. One look at my face and my husband knew how much I disapproved."
"Maybe I let my expectations get too high, and it's unfair to have them, but I reiterate: of all things to say to her boyfriend's parents, whom she'd never met, she chose THAT?"
"My son was amused at first, but when he noticed my reaction, his face dropped."
The OP felt conflicted over how she reacted.
"I felt like he'd sold me the full package, everything he'd always been looking for in a girlfriend. I was too disturbed by the visuals it put in my head, and it translated into anger."
"I told her to get out, and I wanted to say more about how gross it made me feel but I, fortunately, left it at that."
"My son didn't want to go, insisting I give her another chance, but I was too fed up and uncomfortable by this point."
"Even my husband, who's enjoyed his fair share of raunchy jokes, wouldn't let up."
"They left and I immediately felt guilty. This was something my son had really looked forward to, and I feel like I took that away over a dumb joke."
"I tried calling to apologize, but he hasn't responded."
"My husband thinks she's the one who should apologize."
"I'm considering giving her another chance, but before I do, was I the AH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed that was not the opening remark anyone should make.
"NTA. I'm pretty liberal and open-minded, but FFS (for f**k's sake), I'd never lead with that meeting my boyfriend's parents for the first time. Or say that, EVER."
"Like, seriously? You opened the door and that's what flies out of her mouth?"
"Was she nervous? Did she seem embarrassed at all? Did she try to apologize? Is there anything that could explain her inappropriate outburst?"
"You apologized. Wow. Hats off to you."
"Neither of you can do anything to change what happened, and it's up to her to accept the apologies or not. Don't beat yourself up. If she is decent at all, she'll understand. If she's not, then maybe good riddance?"
"If she doesn't call back to apologize, or explain (if there's anything to explain), that also says a lot. It's more than what she said. If you apologized, it's also about her desire to meet you in the middle, you the mother of the boyfriend she loves. Grace goes both ways, and you extended yours by apologizing. If she was offended, she should do the same." - Mamamamymysherona
"I'm married. I also have a pretty ballsy sense of humor. I'd NEVER say anything like that to my husband's parents… NTA. But give her another chance." - heatherlj88
"My husband and I have been together twelve years, married 10 with two kids, and I would NEVER EVER think of saying something like that to my MIL."
"She did crack a joke about sex once about a year ago, but that's the closest we have ever come to discuss it. No way in h**l, this chick is off her f**king rocker." - cullymama
"I can't even imagine saying this to my MIL now after a couple of babies and 10+ years together."
"Like how was OP supposed to react? Laugh and then come back with an equally raunchy joke about her son's penis?"
"I have a feeling if OP would have opened with, 'So, you're the one my son's been putting his penis in,' it would not have been well-received, and for good reason. That kind of joking is reserved for people who know each other well or strangers while drunk." - sleepygrumpydoc
"I'm married, and when I got pregnant, I had this moment of feeling uncomfortable. My parents and in-laws would know for sure I had had sex and even roughly WHEN. Before that, we could all just pretend it didn't happen..." - ashbash528
Others were glad the OP had apologized and hoped the couple would do the same.
"I'd give her another chance but the OP already apologized and the girlfriend hasn't said anything. The girlfriend should just apologize and say they were nervous about it." - scienceisnice
"To be fair, we don't know that the girlfriend has had a chance to apologize or say anything. Mom apologized to her son, and HE hasn't responded, it's not like OP has the girlfriend's number."
"I also feel like it is the type of joke a character on a TV show would say. I know some people who would make this joke meeting a partner's friends, where it might land. I can also see some of them panicking, making the joke in this bad context, and feeling stupid immediately after."
"But I'm also a person who doesn't think being vulgar and making a bad joke is a moral failing, the way this thread seems to feel so what do I know, lol (laughing out loud)." - filmkid21
"NTA. This just doesn't sit right. You said your son was all big smiles and amusement when they arrived and up until he realized you weren't all that impressed."
"You also said he jokes around like that with his dad… What are the chances it was your son's idea all along and she just (regretfully) went along with it?"
"Because if that's the case, you probably can't get ahold of him because he's doing damage control with his girlfriend, who's now mortified and angry that his super funny joke gave you the WORST impression of her that she could imagine." - Munchkins_nDragons
"Honestly, even if it's not true, you'd be doing everyone a favor to bring up to them your suspicion that it was your son's idea, which offers them the 'out' of letting them pretend it was all the son's boneheaded (like, 'heh, couldn't help myself') plan."
"Whether she... has Tourette's; or panicked in the moment and succumbed to an impulsive thought; or if it was your son's idea, or any number of other things that will be suggested. This would send them the message that the thing they did was both inappropriate and a line was crossed, but also more indicative that *she* gets a complete do-over, no marks."
"You're not going to pry further into why it happened because you already have a feasible explanation. Way less guilt and embarrassment in her trying again."
"This will also give you a truer chance to find out if the girlfriend is bad news. Such a gracious response absolutely requires her to be on her best behavior from here on until you indicate loosening up. So further foolishness becomes absolutely indicative." - LadyMacGuffin
After receiving feedback, the OP made it clear she was hoping to move the family's relationship forward.
"I should clear some things up:"
"My husband had no part in my reaction, I did the kicking out, not him. I don't want him taking the fall for this. He said she should apologize, but I'm not expecting an apology. Sorry for the confusion."
"My son lives in a nearby state, and it can take about an hour to get back to where we live. He also hasn't dated anyone seriously for a while, maybe a couple of years. He told us before that he wouldn't bring anyone home unless he was sure he wanted a future with her. We've been asking to meet her ever since he told us about her, but he wanted to be ready."
The OP also clarified her "like her picture" comment.
"The comment about her looking like her picture shows my age, sorry for that! He's only shown us the photos she's sent him as he apparently didn't have any of them together (he hates taking pictures and apparently she's always teasing him about it)."
"I don't think he'd ever lie about who she is, but it's just a parental concern I've subconsciously had. I felt the same way about my daughter's (then) boyfriend when we first met him. I don't have any criteria that either of my kids' spouses need to meet, I just hope my kids are happy with them."
"What I meant by her being 'the full package' was indicative of what he's told us about her. As his parents, we have a good idea of what he looks for in a partner and she checked off everything based on what we'd been told. And on top of everything (aside from what she said) her appearance was how she presented it to be."
"Again, we aren't strict about appearances, it's just a relief to have met someone for the first time and they look like what you'd expected. My husband said that I was worried about 'second-hand catfishing' if that's even a thing, lol (laughing out loud) I guess it shows how anxious I was about this."
The OP wanted to put all of this behind them.
"I personally think everyone needs some room for improvement here, but I've done my part to make amends, and I'm waiting on my son to call me! I'll be sure to give an update about how it goes."
The subReddit was appalled right alongside the OP, wondering what would bring anyone to make this kind of statement upon first meeting their partner's parents.
Since the OP wanted to move forward with her relationship with her son, however, and wanted to see him be happy, the subReddit was also grateful that she was willing to move past this remark and try again.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.