No one wants to upset a romantic partner.
It never leads to a good time.
So, people try to play fast and loose with answers to tricky questions.
And there will always be tricky questions.
It’s not that people are trying to play mind games all of the time. It can just feel that way.
So, how does one master the perfect answer?
Case in point…
Redditor AdThink9594 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for looking when my g[irl]f[riend] asked me if she looks fat?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This is my (18 M[ale]) first relationship.”
“Her (18) mother bought a champagne dress for her to wear to her aunt’s wedding.”
“She put it on and showed me.”
“I told her she looks really beautiful in it, then went back to reading.”
“A couple of minutes later, she asked if she looked fat in the dress.”
“I glanced at her, looked for a second, and then told her no.”
“She got really upset, saying that I should be able to say that she’s not fat without looking.”
“I only looked because I wanted to be able to answer completely honestly.”
“Was I wrong?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Nope NTA: Honest questions require honest answers.”
“To win boyfriend points, however, you have to go further than a yes/no.”
“Look her up and down and say something cute – sweetheart, you look stunning in that dress. I am proud to be your b[oy]f[riend].” ~ theslyoldfox
“Depends on the girl if that works, to be honest.”
“Some might see it as avoiding answering the question since there was no direct ‘No, you don’t look fat in that dress.'”
“‘Do I look fat in this’ is honestly the biggest trap question.”
“And I say that as a woman.”
“Either ‘You are lying. I DO look fat. You are just trying to make me feel better’ or ‘Why do you say yes! Are you saying I’m fat!'”
“Damned if you do. Damned if you don’t.”
“I run for the hills if anyone asks me that. Man or woman.”
“Maybe smile and say, ‘No, you don’t look fat, honey. But you do look absolutely stunning in that dress. How did I get so lucky?'”
“Answer the question.”
“Compliment and hope for the best.” ~ Dangerous-WinterElf
“Here in Italy, a comedian made a series of YouTube videos called ‘A marital guide to winning your arguments.'”
“He suggested that if a wife/girlfriend asked a ‘Do I look fat’ type question the man has to pretend not to have heard, and when the woman calls his attention, he has to say something like ‘Sorry dear, I was reading an article about the humanitarian crisis in Sudan.'”
“‘It’s shocking: there are hundreds of thousands of children who have no food!'” ~ Fergus74
“Maybe he should not have to do mental gymnastics to answer an honest question that literally requires him to look in order to provide.”
“I realize OP and their GF are young, but these kinds of mind games are an instant red flag for me.”
“OP had already told her she looks beautiful, her question is clearly a trap with no right answer.”
“Imagine actually saying ‘You should not need to look at me to see if I look fat’ – it defies all logic.” ~ lucaskywalker
“I hate that this is such a cliche question because sometimes you really just need to know if you look fat in something lmao.”
“I have a few items that are normally fine but make me look huge if I’m even slightly bloated or the fabric drapes the wrong way.”
“It’s not about whether I am suddenly fat; I know what I look like, but the way fabric sits on your body can make such a massive difference.”
“I always wish I could say, ‘Women don’t actually do this in real life!'”
“But unfortunately, it seems they do… lol.” ~ Late_Negotiation40
“I say this as a woman; it’s an extremely loaded question, and there is really no right answer.”
“It’s a no-win situation because there will always be some way for the person who is asking to make it into a bad thing.”
“The way you said it in the end is probably the closest anyone can get to trying to ensure the person asking isn’t going to get upset.”
“The problem with this question is it’s entirely about insecurity, not about the answer.”
“The person asking feels fat, they are insecure, and don’t really want an answer.”
“They want the person to say no you aren’t fat, but also want the person to confirm their own fears that they are, in fact, fat.”
“It’s an awful question.” ~ Crushingtoday
“The No look. ‘Is it comfortable?’ Has worked wonders but it only works with proper planning.”
“NTA OP… you’re young.”
“You need to have snacks handy to give to your partner at all times and present them often.”
“Glove box, under couch pillows, bottom of your backpack… be consistent and stay alert.”
“If you do this you will not be asked if your girlfriend looks fat when she is hungry and you’ll live to fight another day.”
“It’s relationship old man Judo I wish I’d known sooner.” ~ strangeswordfish23
“It is just ridiculous that people have to be THAT careful with their words around their partners.”
“Don’t advise such things, because it will only normalize further such behavior.”
“A couple has to be able to speak freely with each other without stressing out if their partner will get angry because some opinion wasn’t phrased to their liking.”
“P.S. If that matters I am female.” ~ Ok_Pomegranate2820
“Lady opinion here.”
“I agree on the first bit, NTA, but disagree on the boyfriend’s points.”
“It’s not his job to suck up to her.”
“She asked a question, he answered.”
“It was on her for asking a question she didn’t want an honest answer to.”
“He already gave her compliments and praise and told her how beautiful she looked, she’s the one that wanted to push further to find a reason to be pissed.”
“if that was her response to no, then I don’t wanna imagine her answer to yes.”
“I recommend talking with her about it; say you don’t like how she blew up at you over something that seems small to you (but acknowledge that it’s probably a big deal to her).”
“You can feel emotions without reacting to them, and you’re more than allowed to communicate your feelings, especially when you’re doing it without getting angry or upset.”
“It sounds like she’s expecting you to read between the lines, and personally, you won’t catch me doing that.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t; I just don’t like passive communication.”
“‘Omg this thing is so cute.. and I wish I could take it home with me’ passive…”
“‘Omg this thing is so cute… could you buy it for me?’ DIRECT.”
“We like direct communication in this household.”
“Tell me straight how you feel and be prepared for whatever answer you get back, cuz it may not always be one you want to hear.” ~ skummyy
“NTA. She shouldn’t ask that question if she doesn’t mean it.”
“Some outfits are specifically unflattering to a person’s figure.”
“You’re well within your rights to presume that’s what you’re being asked to check.” ~ WalkoffTriple
“Yeah, I agree. NTA, but be wary of mind games.”
“Not saying this is what GF is doing, but it seems awfully controlling to say that a person can’t give a proper opinion as they’re not allowed to be honest.”
“My partner is great, he’ll always tell me what suits and what doesn’t.”
“I ask him because I want to know, not because I want to catch him out or have him slavishly uncritical.” ~ LadyGoldberryRiver
“My partner is naturally very slender but currently six months pregnant.”
“It’s added a new dimension to conversations where for the first time I’ve had to say, ‘Oh, no. You know I love you, and I always think you’re beautiful, but that outfit is dangerous. Conservationists might try to return you to the sea thinking you beached yourself.'”
“Usually, she looks like a slender woman who is pregnant.”
“I dread to think what that outfit would look like on someone who wasn’t naturally skinny because it made her look like a whale.”
“It was bizarre.”
“And she thanked me for pointing that out and didn’t buy it.” ~ WalkoffTriple
“I think your girlfriend was just feeling a bit insecure, and you looking just heightened it.”
“NTA, she asked a question, and you reacted in a way that would answer her question.” ~ vixlyn
“First of all, it is a tricky question.”
“Meaning, depending on which is the answer, it always causes problems.”
“And because of that, you’re NTA.”
“In your favor, you took the route of being honest. “
“Which is fantastic.”
“To be honest you need to carefully think or observe in this case.”
“Indeed, you looked at her.”
“You were honest and complimented her.”
“Being honest in this question, plus providing a compliment in this case is a combo.”
“Again NTA. As mentioned, you did well.”
“Not your fault if she feels bothered with the answer.” ~ BreakingMeows
“NTA. Welcome to the world of insecure (and sometimes crazy) teenage girlfriends.”
“Thing is, if you wouldn’t have looked, she probably would have been mad at you for not looking and just telling her what she wants to hear.”
“Some battles can’t be won.”
“Just make sure to treat her well and give her compliments on a regular basis.” ~ ASD1985
“NTA. Your relationship will not last.” ~ othellomod2
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
This is never a good question to be asked.
And most of the time, it feels like there is never a good enough answer to give.
Sounds like you did your best.
You led with kindness and honesty.
Hopefully, she’ll move past it sooner than later.
Good luck.