Very few people are lucky enough not to have had to make some sort of sacrifice in their life.
More often than not, sacrifices are often made in order to maintain a relationship.
Sometimes, career paths, life choices, or unexpected turns of events might force us to make some tough decisions about our own life.
In some cases, however, we might be forced to truly decide whether or not a relationship is even worth sustaining.
Redditor stepniak112 was recently thinking about the next step in his career, and came to a decision that truly excited him.
Much less excited about the original poster (OP)'s recent decision was his girlfriend.
Even going so far as to call him selfish, and potentially ruining their relationship.
Wondering if this was true, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Voting acronyms aren't required, and no final judgment is declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for wanting to go to Medical School?"
The OP explained why his girlfriend felt he was putting their relationship at risk:
Hi all, I (25 M[ale]) have been with my partner (24 F) for almost four years, and we've recently reached a conflict that is seriously damaging our relationship."
"For some background, I recently sat the UK medical school entry exam and achieved a score that put me in a strong position to get into medical school."
"I've always had an interest in medicine, but I'm now at the point where I genuinely want to pursue it as a career."
"My girlfriend is strongly against me going to medical school."
"She has told me that if I apply to study medicine, we will have to break up."
"My reasons for wanting to do medicine are fairly simple: I love the subject and I like the idea of helping people."
"I'm currently a neuroscientist working in a hospital, and although I really enjoy my job, I've realised that the role is somewhat limited compared with what I want to do long term."
"Being surrounded by doctors, especially neurologists, has also made me increasingly certain that becoming a doctor is what I want to pursue."
"About three years ago, I actually sat the medical entry exam."
"At the time, I wasn't completely sure that medicine was what I wanted, and I got an average score, so I decided not to apply."
"Since then, I've gained considerably more experience and a much better understanding of what being a doctor actually involves."
"This time, I studied seriously for the exam and achieved a top 2% score."
"My girlfriend says she would have supported me if I'd gone to medical school three years ago, but she doesn't support it now because she thinks I'm too old."
"For context, we're both from London."
"In the UK, you can apply to four medical schools at once, and there is only one medical school in London that I can apply to, this will allow me to stay with her whilst she is doing her PhD but it also significantly reduces my chance of getting into a medical school if I don't use up all four slots."
"Her main objections are that I'm too old, that medicine in the UK doesn't offer much autonomy, and that I would have no stable income during medical school."
"She also wants us to be in a position to afford a house by the time we're 30, and she's worried that going to medical school will make that impossible."
"She's also concerned about the amount of time medicine would take."
"She's worried that I wouldn't have much free time to spend with her and that becoming a doctor would end up consuming our relationship and our lives.I do have other career options."
"I could find another job, pursue neuropsychology, or continue towards becoming a PhD level neuroscientist."
"However, she isn't keen on the neuropsychology option either because the profession is predominantly female, despite the fact that it pays very well."
"She also believes that even if we both reached PhD level salaries, we wouldn't earn enough to afford a house."
"My girlfriend has also called me selfish for sitting the entry exam and wanting to apply to medical school, because she says I knew how strongly she felt about me becoming a doctor and chose to pursue it anyway."
"She says that I am ruining the relationship by doing this.I understand why she feels that way."
"We have been together for almost four years, and I appreciate that my decision would affect both of our lives, not just mine."
"At the same time, I don't know whether it's fair for me to be expected to give up a career that I genuinely want because my partner doesn't want me to pursue it."
"I don't want to look back in 10 or 20 years and regret giving up on something I've worked towards because my partner didn't want me to do it."
"On the other hand, I love my girlfriend and we've been together for almost four years."
"I don't want to throw away our relationship either."
"This is really stressing me out and causing sleepless nights as the deadline to apply is coming up."
"So AITA for wanting to apply to medical school despite knowing that my girlfriend doesn't support it and has said she will leave me if I do? And was I selfish for sitting the entry exam in the first place?
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way selfish for wanting to apply to medical school.
Just about everyone agreed that if it came down to a decision between medical school or staying with his girlfriend, the OP should choose going to medical school without a second thought:
"NTA."
"You and your girlfriend got together at a point in life when you were both very young, you are now in your mid 20s and figuring out what your lifelong plans are."
"At this time, it sounds like the two of you have incompatible goals."
"It doesn’t mean anyone is a bad person, it just means that perhaps you are outgrowing each other."- CoffeeCat77
"Apply to all 4 - you aren’t too old."
"Not to dismiss your relationship but this is a girlfriend not a wife…and there are no kids involved - there is literally no reason not to do this except a person you aren’t married to having a mental timeline for a milestone."
"Think of it years down the road if you don’t - regret?"
"Resentment?"
"If it’s the right relationship, you two will find a way to make it work; if it isn’t, then you know."
"You are young and capable and wise enough to know it’s what you REALLY want - don’t give that up."
"NTA."- Pristine-Mastodon-37
"Forget about your girlfriend's opinion; just pursue the career you want and you are most definitely not too old."-Accomplished_Drag946
"Dump the girl."
"Go for the degree."- Enough_Passage7926
"Apply to all four schools."
"I’m the older version of you, and I desperately regret it."
"If she loves you and is meant to be your partner, she’ll ride it out with you."
"Otherwise, you have your answer."- Comfortable_Ask7752
“'However, she isn't keen on the neuropsychology option either because the profession is predominantly female, despite the fact that it pays very well'.”
"What?"
"That makes no sense whatsoever, unless it means that she is very jealous and/or insecure and she doesn’t want you to work with other women?"
"Otherwise, wtf does this even mean?"
"And yah, in the jealousy case… that alone would be yikes enough to get out of this relationship."
"Do not jeopardize your future for this person."- Voxiim
"Do not give up your future for a girlfriend."- dumplinglifesaver
"No, of course you’re not an ahole for pursuing any degree you fancy."
"If it’s a dealbreaker for her, so be it."
"NTA."- Equivalent_Lemon_319
"Frame it like this: Do you want to spend the entire rest of your life doing what you want to do, or not doing what you want to do, but instead do what someone else wants you to do?"
"See how silly that sounds?"
"NTA."- GreatSavitar
"No offense she is just your girlfriend."
"Until you are married, you should do what is best for you. Trust me, she is doing it herself (thinking what is best for her)."- 10xwannabe
Enrolling in medical school will require a lot of sacrifices on the OP's part.
That being said, it will also have an enormous payoff at the end.
If the OP's girlfriend is unable to see the payoff, and all the good the OP can do with his medical degree is solely how it will affect her, then perhaps the OP should seriously consider whether staying in this relationship is healthy.
