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Guy Dumps Girlfriend For Passionately Kissing Female Friend In Front Of Crowd At Birthday Party

Couple breaking up
Mikolette/Getty Images

We all have our own list of things that we want from a relationship as well as the things that we would absolutely not be okay with happening in that relationship.

For a relationship to really work, a new couple should discuss those relationship goals and relationship deal breakers right at the beginning of their time together, stressed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.

While attending a friend’s birthday party at a club, Redditor sooyass was shocked when his girlfriend gave the birthday girl a gift and then gave her a second gift by passionately making out with her while everyone watched and recorded them together.

When everyone insisted it wasn’t a big deal and that he should find it ‘hot,’ the Original Poster (OP) questioned if he was overreacting by being furiously hurt by this.

He asked the sub:

“AITAH for dumping my girlfriend because she passionately kissed another girl at a birthday party?”

The OP’s relationship ended at a birthday party at the club.

“My (25 Male) and my ex-girlfriend (23 Female) were together for two years.”

“A few days ago, we hit up a club to celebrate her friend’s birthday.”

“After the birthday cake came out, everyone started giving their gifts to the birthday friend.”

“When my girlfriend handed her friend her gift, she started kissing her passionately.”

“Everyone gathered around to watch, whipping out their phones and s**t. My friends were cheering and recording it.”

“I’m not homophobic or anything but seeing them kissing like that really made my stomach turn.”

“When they kept on kissing I tried to break it up but they just kept going.”

“When this bulls**t went on for more than a few minutes, I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I left the club and texted my girlfriend that we were done.”

The OP’s ex-girlfriend and friends were all criticizing him for his reaction.

“She’s been trying to reach me for three days now but I just don’t wanna see her.”

“That s**t doesn’t turn me on, man; I hate it.”

“My friends are like, ‘If you’re jealous of your girl kissing another chick, you’re not a real man,’ and ‘Bro, she’s not gay; they are friends; calm down.'”

“I’m not religious; I’m a nonbeliever. And I am not homophobic. But I have boundaries within a relationship, and I believe in being in a monogamous relationship.”

“If she wanted something else, she should have discussed that with me at the beginning of our relationship, not expose me to it at a party.”

“Anyway, I’m done with her and I ain’t going back to that relationship.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some reassured the OP that his ex-girlfriend should have discussed her expectations upfront.


“If she wanted you to accept a rule that would allow her to make out with her female friends, that would have had to be something she brought up in advance and talked to you about before she did it, and you would have had every right to say no.”

“Instead, apparently the rule is she does whatever the f**k she wants and notices that you don’t like it and gets to keep doing it some more because your feelings don’t matter.”

“Your friends can keep her.” – nylonvest

“NTA. She straight up disrespected your relationship and cheated on you right in front of you and everyone else.”

“It does not matter if she ‘isn’t gay’ or that she was kissing another girl. Clearly, she enjoyed it enough to do it for that long.”

“Your friends seem like a bunch of unsympathetic jerks.”

“Unless you and your girlfriend established boundaries that said that stuff was okay, then she violated your boundaries and cheated.”

“Your feelings are valid and you owe her nothing. If you want to talk to her to hear what bulls**t she has to say, then that is up to you, but you don’t owe her that.” – funguy2211711

“It especially bothers me that he tried to pull them apart and she kept going. She KNEW it was disrespectful and she KNEW he was uncomfortable.”

“She’s twenty-f**king-three. Making these mistakes in high school is understandable, but she’s waaayyyy too grown up to try and act like she didn’t know exactly what she was doing. She’s also too grown to take the ‘but I was drunk so I shouldn’t face consequences’ route.”

“Yes, girls make out with their friends when they’re drunk (I’m one of them) but any reasonable person knows not to do so when you have a partner (unless the partner has said it’s okay obviously).” – Dismal_Reputation522

“If I were the OP, I would have told the ex, ‘You may not call it cheating, but I do. You were physically intimate with someone outside of our relationship. That is a hard boundary for me. You can hate me all you like for this, but your lack of respect for my feelings shows me that this was the right decision. Please don’t contact me again.'”

“At least, that’s where my head goes. I would follow that up by blocking her everywhere. I’m sorry she did this to you. NTA.” – virtualchoirboy

“As a lesbian woman, I can say you are 100% not homophobic. You are actually less homophobic than your ex, who is saying how two women kissing is a spectacle to be fetishized (big yikes) and how you should ‘enjoy.’ But it is gross if you are not into polygamy!”

“She cheated and diminished your feelings. It’s awful and I’m sorry dude.” – kcto-oaxaca


“You’re allowed to define cheating however you choose, and you’re allowed to date (or not date) anyone you wish for any reason you choose. That particular situation must’ve been pretty traumatizing with how public and uncomfortable it was.”

“To your friends who don’t get it: it’s not their business. You don’t climb into their beds with their significant others, they should stay out of yours. Don’t drop the soap in the shower around that bunch if they think sexual orientation overrules the definitions of cheating. Would love to hear their thoughts on the flexibility of consent while they’re making idiots of themselves.”

“And even if you did want to think, ‘Well, it was just kissing,’ then where is the line?”

“Is it just sexting? Is it just kissing? Is it only a short-term affair? Is it only a two-year affair? Is it okay for you to kiss a girl you don’t find attractive? Is it okay to have sex with a girl you don’t find attractive? What if you don’t really enjoy it, it doesn’t count as cheating if you don’t enjoy it right?”

“Turns out, you have a zero-tolerance policy for cheating. That’s a good thing, makes you low drama and it’s really not that hard, instead of cheating you actually get to do less, and nothing is better.” – michuru809

Others were grossed out by the ex-girlfriend cheating but putting on a show.

“She not only cheated but was putting on a ‘show’ for people.” – Kabc

“That’s so humiliating for OP. I would’ve walked out and broken up with her even if it didn’t turn into a show. But OP stood there and watched his girlfriend be unfaithful for several minutes? And even tried to break them up? Nah fam, that’s disrespect to the highest degree.” – Uninterruptible_

“I split with the mother of my kids for the same thing. I woke up on my couch and went to the kitchen… she was making out with her best friend while that girl’s boyfriend watched. I noped the f**k out of there. No telling what happened after I left.”

“I put everything of hers on the curb the next day when I got back from my parents.”

“I totally agree with the OP’s decision. This isn’t on him at all.” – Federal-Commission87

“She cheated. She cheated publicly. She cheated without even considering your feelings. That must have been humiliating, and I’m sorry.” – welovegv

“Your ex-girlfriend is a fool. Suppose you started passionately kissing another woman (or even a man) in front of her and all your friends and kept it up for several minutes. Would that be OK?”

“I would have dumped her, too. She was not the kind of person I’d want a relationship with.”

“NTA.” – FitOrFat-1999

“NTA. Here is one woman’s perspective. Good for you. She got what she deserved. She disrespected you in public.”

“It does not matter if with a woman or another man, it was cheating and disrespectful.”

“Tell your stupid friends to kick rocks. Keep blocking her and move on. She is not worth the mental health issues that come with her type of thinking.” – WhatHappenedMonday

“Your friends sound like they spent too much time at frat parties or never graduated high school. Second, I’ve had a similar situation happen to me. That s**t ain’t hot; it’s disrespectful; for her to even think that’s okay is crazy, bro.”

“You tried to stop it, and it kept going, weird as f**k. It’s a good thing you left her. She knows what she did, so don’t give her closure. Unless you want closure, but I don’t know why you would need it. Leave the one who shall not be named in the dark.” – Hot_Professional6343

After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.

“I’ve been thinking about what really led me to break up for a while. It’s like 40% her kissing someone and 60% her turning it into some kind of show since everyone filmed it.”

“After I posted about it, I decided to talk to her once to hear her out, and it happened on Valentine’s Day, which made her think that I forgave her. I was pretty calm talking to her and told that I was serious about breaking up.”

“She still thinks I’ll come back to her once I calm down because she keeps posting stupid lyrics on Instagram like, ‘This love ain’t finished yet.'”

“She said, ‘That kiss didn’t mean anything. We were just drunk, and I thought you’d be cool with it. Guys like that.’ She looked pretty sorry and apologized to me multiple times.”

“We talked for about an hour, but she kept repeating herself.”

“Every time I watch videos people sent me, I get angry all over again. It’s disgusting to think she’d put on a show for horny dudes around her while ignoring her boyfriend’s pleas to stop.”

“That girl she kissed and her other friends keep texting me, and they’re mad at me for blowing this up.”

“I couldn’t care less about any of them. I’m done. I can’t fix it anymore.”

The subReddit couldn’t help but shake their heads at the girlfriend’s logic and willingness to ignore her boyfriend’s wishes while essentially gaslighting him completely.

By continually pressuring him to ‘like’ what she did and to ‘be a man’ about it, she and their friends were minimizing his feelings and disrespecting his values.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.