When people cohabitate they need to figure out the division of household chores.
But just because one person is better at a task, does that make them solely responsible for it or should the other person try to get better?
A couple found themselves at odds over meal preparation, so one turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
They asked:
“AITA for wanting my girlfriend (gf) to cook for me after I gave her food poisoning?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My gf and I have been together for 3 years and we moved in in April. She is a great cook and learned from her Italian grandma but she can make almost everything under the sun.”
“She travelled a lot when she was younger and loves Asian food the most. I thought I was a good cook but she says my cooking is terrible.”
“She took over the cooking now that we live together and tried to teach me but then got impatient because she thought I wasn’t trying. I am but she gets mad when I don’t get it the first time. I don’t think she’s that great of a teacher.”
“She got mad because I didn’t check if my chicken was done by cutting into it and making sure it isn’t pink. I usually just poke it like she does but she insists I should cut into it because I’m not very experienced.”
“Recently she’s wanted me to cook once a week and I’ve been trying even though it’s clearly not coming out very well. She is a way better cook why doesn’t she just cook? She clearly enjoys it but she insists I have to learn.”
“I can feed myself but I don’t feel the need to get as good as her. Clearly her food is better but I can survive on my cooking so it’s good enough for me.”
“Anyway I cooked chicken and broccoli and she ate a few pieces and then got up and cut up the chicken and it was pink. She got really angry and yelled at me for trying to give her food poisoning.”
“It’s clearly just a mistake and I apologized but she had diarrhea for a few days and had to miss work. Now she won’t cook for me and just cooks for herself.”
“I usually eat out now that she doesn’t pack me Tupperware and it’s really sad because it’s one of the things I really enjoyed. Sitting down for lunch and seeing what she made for me.”
“I told her she is punishing me for no reason and she’s gotten mad and told me I intentionally didn’t cook the chicken right and I’m always expecting her to cook like I’m a kid.”
“I’m pretty pissed by her comments and we’ve argued over it but I guess it’s her right not to cook for me.”
The OP summed up their situation.Â
“I might be the a**hole for giving my girlfriend food poisoning because I didn’t check my chicken the way she taught me and wanting her to pack me lunches like she used to.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors unanimously declared the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
“Don’t you think maybe she would enjoy somebody cooking her a nice, FULLY COOKED meal THAT WILL NOT GIVE HER THE RUNS and pack her Tupperwares of yummy leftovers?”
“YTA, obviously.”
“Do you even know what kind of damage raw chicken can do to somebody? My brother got salmonella from undercooked chicken in college. He was in the hospital for a week. He was sh*tting blood. He couldn’t even keep water down without puking. He almost died.”
“You could have killed your girlfriend and your major concern is that she’s no longer cooking for you? That you don’t get your lunch packed for you every day like a child does? Jesus Christ, man, do you even like her?” ~ daphydoods
“Like why not master 2 or 3 really easy things and make those his weekly meals. I’m a terrible cook but I can make spaghetti or tacos.”
“Like there’s a lot of tasty meals out there that are almost impossible to mess up. I bet they could even compromise on something that’s somewhat pre-prepared for his nights. Like picking up a rotisserie chicken on the way home and just making the sides.”
“Cooking chicken and just guessing when it’s done is a weird choice.”
“But yeah, guess if he chose something he couldn’t mess up he couldn’t mess up so badly that she never wants him to cook again. This was strategy.” ~ Ashitaka1013
Several people accused the OP of weaponized incompetence—deliberately acting incapable of performing a task to avoid responsibilities.
“I just don’t understand why he doesn’t just like not cook chicken if he’s so completely incapable of checking that it isn’t raw.”
“I mean he said she’s told him this before, it seems like a repeat problem, so just cook anything else?”
“Just cook anything that doesn’t have chicken in it. 100 percent just weaponized incompetence for this reason alone.” ~ alpacqn
“This is textbook weaponized incompetence.”
“OP told us he was informed how to properly cook chicken and check to make sure it is done. He chose not to do it.”
“And he is doing this on purpose in the hopes his girlfriend will give up and submit to him. It’s disgusting behavior. OP is YTA.” ~ Ya-im-that-guy
“I’m a farrrrr better cook than my husband and enjoy it so I cook 99% of the time.”
“When I am tired or don’t feel well, he just makes a stir fry or a simple pasta. I don’t mind—it’s not as good as what I would make but it’s nice knowing if I can’t/don’t want to cook, my husband will still hand me a plate of good food.”
“It’s always a short list of options, but it doesn’t kill me. And although I make his lunches too (I wake up very early, and he has long days, so I just do it out of love), if I decide to sleep in or am busy, he still just makes his own lunch or gets a burrito from the food truck and doesn’t say sh*t.”
“OP’s mom used to clean his room and it shows. His girlfriend is not a mommy he can have sex with. Infuriating. YTA.” ~ Responsible-Aside-18
“I’m going with YTA because I get a strong whiff of weaponized incompetence.”
“How does an adult not confirm that chicken is cooked? She shouldn’t have to tell you that, but she did, and you still didn’t do it.” ~ manchambo
“Absolutely weaponized incompetence. I feel like he did this on purpose, because if SHE got food poisoning, why didn’t HE get food poisoning? Somehow he didn’t end up eating the raw food.” ~ wildclefairy
“It sounds like you weaponized your incompetence to try to force her to cook 7 days a week.”
“Which means you’re an a**hole because if you can’t bring yourself to learn well enough to cook a little bit without poisoning people, then you’re not really trying, and it means that you’re taking her for granted.”
“After all, why shouldn’t she do all that work for you without a break? I mean, cooking every day of the week, all the weeks of the year… why ever would anybody object to that?”
“At least tell me that you do ALL the cleanup when she cooks, including all the dishes, putting everything away, cleaning the table and the counters? Because that’s literally the least you could do to be a partner. YTA.” ~ corgihuntress
“According to you, you can feed yourself and your cooking is good enough for you. And that’s where you have landed, buddy. So quit whining and just suck it up.”
“If you want her to feed you, you should expect to do the same occasionally (she asked you to cook just once a week) and do it properly without getting her sick.”
“You tried to weaponize your incompetence, and it backfired spectacularly. YTA.” ~ Da_Knight_Rider
“Yeah, this sounds like a classic case of weaponized incompetence.”
“OP is trying to sell the ‘division of labor’ that since she’s better at cooking, she should therefore be his domestic servant.”
“I wonder what chores he envisioned himself taking on instead—my bet is NONE.” ~ GraceOfTheNorth
“It’s not about being as good as her, but cook the chicken thoroughly. Cut into it to see if it’s still pink. It’s not complicated.”
“Truth is you are at least subconsciously using weaponized incompetence against her, and she sees it clearly. You are hoping that with consistent bad results, she’ll give up and just take on 100% of the cooking for the household.”
“If you cooked the chicken to the fullest, I bet she wouldn’t have been upset that it wasn’t 5-star amazing.”
“You say you can survive on your own cooking, and yet you can’t cook a chicken to the point it’s not pink. That’s unsafe and can kill someone.”
“YTA and I would have dropped you back to be babied by your mum, not just stop cooking for you.” ~ TravellingHobbit
Whether the OP deliberately failed to cook the chicken fully or just is incompetent due to inattention or carelessness, the result is the same.
The OP said they could survive on their own cooking, and now they’re going to get the chance to do just that.