Relationships are important, and people have all kinds of ways of remembering them, from diary entries to photos to memory boxes.
But keeping spreadsheets of intimate details about people’s bodies seems like a bit of a stretch, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
At a party, Redditor newscott20 was shocked when he discovered his girlfriend kept a spreadsheet of all of her past partners and intimate details about them, including him.
When she became defensive about the list and called him insecure for caring about it, the Original Poster (OP) contemplated whether the existence of this spreadsheet should be a deal breaker.
He asked the sub:
“My girlfriend has a record of all the guys she’s been with, including intimidate details I find disturbing. AITAH if I break up over this?”
The OP recently made a disturbing discovery about his girlfriend at a party.
“My (21 Male) girlfriend (20 Female) has a record of all the guys she’s been with. I personally think it’s creepy but her friends disagree.”
“Basically, my partner and I attended a small get-together last weekend with some of her friends, and the topic of relationships came up.”
“At first nothing too explicit with a few jokes here and there, until one of my girlfriend’s friends forgot a detail about her ex and suddenly pulled up her notes app to reveal a list of what seems to be guys’ names with a brief description.”
“She started scrolling until she found him and started going into what their relationship was like.”
“My girlfriend saw this and got out her phone, too. I took a glance over to see a similar list with corresponding numbers, maybe rankings?, next to each guy’s name, as well as intimidate details (including sex, his private parts, his interests, etc).”
“I saw at least 40 to 50 names on the list.”
“While I was still there, they began sharing stories and comparing their past relationships.”
The OP tried to talk to his girlfriend about it.
“At the time I was trying to be chill, but deep down, I felt really weirded out.”
“After the party, I told her on the way home how I thought it was kinda strange to me, and I asked if my personal info was on the list.”
“She called me insecure saying that pretty much all girls have a spreadsheet or list of their dating history, and she said her having a list shouldn’t matter to me.”
“I also inquired about the rankings, which made her blow up telling me I was being invasive and it was none of my business.”
The conversation dissolved into an ugly argument.
“We got into an argument and she said some hurtful things, making a comment about how I’m pretty much ‘at the bottom of the list’ when it comes to d*ck size…”
“My main problem with it is how she didn’t keep it private. If she kept it to herself, I could understand since it’s just for self-reflection, but telling others is just bizarre in my opinion.”
“I feel like it’s really creepy to write about someone’s genitalia like that. Now I’m worried about my own privacy.”
“AITAH if I break up over this?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some theorized that the girlfriend wouldn’t be happy if the OP kept one of these lists.
“NTA. I have a feeling that if you had a little book with all the girls you banged, with details down to descriptions of their private areas/performance and whatnot, your girl wouldn’t be happy about it. It’s the old double standard at work.”
“Furthermore, she sounds pretty terrible all around, honestly. Hopefully, she grows out of acting like this one day, but you don’t have to wait around for her to do that.” – mofodatknowsbro
“Yeah OP, as a woman, I can confirm this is not the normal. This is disgusting behavior and a horrible breach of trust and privacy. She is ex-wife material, for sure. You have the opportunity to dodge that financial drain and emotional drama bullet.”
“You would not be the a**hole if you break things off. I wouldn’t marry someone who looks at people as a scorecard rather than a person they love and care about.” – ScorchedEarthworm
“Mate, I have one male friend that keeps a list of every girl he’s been with and notes on what they were willing to do in bed. He’s a sex addict and has ruined every single relationship he’s been in because he cheats… She will 100% end up cheating on you.”
“This is in no way normal behavior, and unless you want everyone to know every single intimate detail of your sex life, you need to bail as soon as possible. They keep lists so they know who to go to when they want certain things.”
“Don’t apologize or act like it’s something that you’re in the wrong for, leave her and tell her to get therapy.” – GirthBrooks117
“I’m especially concerned that she’s 21, grading men on a spreadsheet.”
“If you’re on a spreadsheet, you’re a product to them. Go find someone who values you as a person.” – titangord
“Imagine having a spreadsheet with a list of women and ratings in columns titled: ‘boob size,’ ‘thinness,’ ‘sluttiness,’ ‘vaginal tightness,’ etc.”
“And putting your girlfriend on that list.” – MastermindX
“NTA. I am a woman and also know many. Not saying my experiences are totally universal, but we as a collective do not do that. Keeping track record for sexual health reasons is one thing. Keeping a ranking list of best in bed or whatever is abnormal as h**l.”
“And quite frankly, it’s disrespectful to you. If she’s in a happy, healthy relationship, what does she need a spreadsheet for?”
“Seems to me like it’s more of a list of backup hookups for when things don’t work out in her serious relationships. That girl has issues, and again, I stress this is not a normal thing to do.” – Some_Ad_4033
Others agreed and reassured the OP that they would end the relationship if they were him.
“I’ve never met a woman to my knowledge who does this. It seems weird. Also yelling hurtful things at your partner when you’re mad is incredibly immature. I’d for sure get the f**k out of that relationship sooner than later.” – Altruistic_Medium_52
“NTA. I once dated a 28 (Female) maybe six years ago before I met my wife and this reminds me of her. I could tell she couldn’t get over her ex-fiancé (whom she dumped for having been discovered on Tinder). At one point after she had a few cocktails, we were in the Uber to my apartment, she was yelling at me something to the effect that I’ll never be as good as her ex-fiancé (I’m trying to ignore her and read the ‘Financial Times…’).”
“Then I just snapped, ‘Driver, driver sir, stop the car immediately,’ and then to her, ‘Get out, I never want to see you again.'”
“Life’s too short for this beyond toxic stuff. Bounce them and move on.” – dinosaurinchinastore
“No, OP, you didn’t overreact. Quite frankly, if I found out my husband had a list like this, I would probably divorce him. Honestly, it’s so disrespectful of her on so many levels.”
“I love how she says that you’re insecure. If she found a list like this on your phone, she would be incredibly hurt. Anyone would be. The double standard is ridiculous.”
“Then she insults your d**k size?? Like seriously, f**k this b***h, and move on. Keep us updated!” – Hot_Investigator_163
“NTA, this is indeed very creepy and reveals a certain transactional nature of how she sees men, maybe all relationships in general. Don’t give you another chance to rate you.” – Effective_While_8487
“Ending the relationship is very wise. Not very satisfying for Reddit, lol (laughing out loud), but a relatively mature approach.”
“I do think I might say that this type of ‘ranking’ and sharing of personal details is just not anything you want to be a part of. You would never do it to her, or anybody else you date or marry. So, I guess you two have very different ideas of what caring about someone and intimacy means.”
“I hope she finds someone else with a list, and they can each be the other’s #1 in every category. You wish her the best and end scene.”
“If she argues or throws petty insults, just say you are sorry she feels that way. Say your piece and do not engage.” – AllTheTakenNames
“Bro, my ex had the exact same f**king thing and so did her friend. I felt disgusted but pushed it to the side, but it was certainly a red flag. It didn’t end well. Just leave, my current partner would never do basic b***h s**t like this.” – Jacobskii
“This is wisdom right here. She’s shown you what kind of person she is, namely someone who will mock you (very personally, by the way) the instant you show any kind of vulnerability and honesty. Don’t add fuel to the fire. Just run. Run away and never return.” – No-Environment9701
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“Thank you all for the advice. I tried one more conversation, but it ended in an argument yet again, so I broke up with her.”
“It didn’t feel good at all, and I’m feeling some regret, but I’m pretty certain it was the right decision.”
“Some of her friends have contacted me saying I have a fragile ego and other remarks, but I kind of saw that coming.”
The subReddit not only was certain that keeping a spreadsheet was weird and inappropriate, but they also felt it was more than enough reason, even without the girlfriend’s insults, to walk away from the relationship.
There are certainly things to make note of, things to remember, but this isn’t that.