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Parents Irate After Grandma Buys Daughter A DNA Test That Reveals Her Mom Isn’t Her Bio Mom

Person holding DNA swab in young woman's mouth

Everyone has an origin story.

And everyone deserves to know it.

Keeping secrets from people about where they come from often leads to more pain than joy.

The truth always finds a way out.

Case in point…

Redditor False-Worldliness664 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for giving my granddaughter a DNA test?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“This is about my granddaughter Lindsey.”

“Now Lindsey (15) has it rough being the middle child and she looks different from her siblings.”

“I truly was confused about how she had blond curly hair while the rest of the family has dark hair.”

“I thought genetics was being weird and I love her.”

“The issue came up when Lindsey told me her parents banned her from getting an ancestry test.”

“I told my son and D[aughter] I[n] L[aw] that if there was something fishy around her birth she needs to know.”

“They denied it and told me to leave it alone.”

“Now Lindsey is in high school and she went to her biology teacher.”

“To put it bluntly the teacher said it was odd for her to have some traits.”

“She came to me distressed asking me to buy a DNA test since she needs to know.”

“Long story short she is not her mother’s kid.”

“My son got someone else pregnant and her bio mom gave her up.”

“This has blown up the family.”

“While Lindsey is mad about being lied to, I am getting a ton of heat for getting her a DNA test.”

“Now they won’t talk to me which is making Lindsey even more mad at them.”

The OP was left to wonder:

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. Your son and his wife suck for lying to her until she is 15 about something so important and trying to keep lying to her even after she obviously started to question things.”

“There are medical reasons a person might need to know what their genetics are/are not and if you hadn’t helped her she would have found out some other way.”

“At least this way she knows she has one friend and ally who will be honest with her.”

“Take care of each other during this difficult time.” ~ Shake_Speare423

“At the very least, even if they don’t have it, knowing her adoptive mom isn’t her biological mom means they won’t make assumptions based on false history.” ~ RemembrancerLirael

“I’m the oldest of four; the sister closest to me in age and myself are biological, and my brother and youngest sister are adopted.”

“It’s never been a secret, ever.”

“Very worth mentioning that they are different ethnicities than we are, so trying to pretend would have been beyond futile, but the point is their stories have never been hidden from them.”

“They’ve been taught about their countries of origin, they’ve been told how they came to be a part of our family, and importantly, those things were told freely before anyone had to ask.”

“It’s entirely possible to give information in bite-sized, age-appropriate ways that don’t overwhelm a child— and also doesn’t set them up for the trauma of realizing they’ve been lied to about the most important chapter in their story for their entire life.” ~ -chimerical-

“Adoptees should always know. I’m adopted.”

“I don’t even remember being told.”

“It’s just something I’ve always known as my parents didn’t hide it and spoke about it with me and my older brother (also adopted, not genetically related) from the moment re joined them as an infant.”

“We had a picture book called ‘Why was I Adopted?’ which I assume was read to us from a very young age as I just always knew what was in it.”

“Finding this information out at any age other than immediately on joining your family is devastating to your identity (source: adoptive friends who found out as kids/in their teens/adults, OP’s granddaughter, anyone over in the adoption subs that has found out).”

“Honestly it has to be something your child can’t pinpoint being told if it happened as an infant or the discussion happened when they joined the family at whatever age that was.”

“Basically, it should never be a secret.” ~ Fiesty_tofu

“OP, sooner or later she would’ve found out.”

“I understand the heat but it will pass, what the kid needs the most right now is an honest friend, and you sure seem more than capable of taking the job.”

“NTA, you rock!” ~ yaoikat

“Hi OP, you are not wrong so NTA and the kid have the right to know so please do not feel guilty about this.”

“Secondly, you wrote that the kid’s school biology teacher has said ‘it was odd for her to have some traits’ right?”

“OP now the ball is in your court, and what you need to do now is have a word with Lindsey and tell her that you love her no matter what, and she will always be family to you.”

“Tell her that you do not love her less, and it is not her fault for being born as a result of some affair between her dad and her biological mum.”

“Tell her you will always be there for her and tell her that you have her back.”

“Be prepared for whatever fallout Lindsey will have with her parents, so if she suddenly says she wants to stay with you until the heat dies down, let her stay with you.” ~ Kangaroo-Pack-3727

“Seriously, you did well.”

“I’m adopted by another family member, and my biomom was always in and out of the picture, no medical history to speak of.”

“On top of that, my biodad was a closed adoption outside the family.”

“So I have zero medical history other than my own.”

“You’ve given her a chance to get ahead of this at a young enough age that some bio-family may still be alive to answer these vital questions.”

“Please express to hear she should try to find out medical info and help her if you can because 15-year-olds have no sense of their own mortality.”

“I wish I’d have made that effort while I still could. I’m healthy, but genetic testing for cancers and genetics isn’t usually covered and is expensive.” ~ InfectedAlloy88

“This is the only acceptable answer.”

“There are legitimate, tangible, life and death reasons for knowing your genetics.”

“Lindsey absolutely deserves to know the truth.”

“This overrides her parents’ desire to pretend everything is fine & dandy.”

“History will judge you to have done the right thing, OP. NTA.” ~ OldManSpeed

“This is why I have extreme empathy for my father, who has his own adoption trauma, but still feel like I have a right to know my family history.”

“He found out in a cruel way and decided he wanted nothing to do with his bio parents, even when info was offered to him as an adult.”

“I have some genetic conditions that I’m already presenting with and would just like to know if I’m dealing with anything else or need to be on the lookout.”

“I plan on getting tests done once I can afford it, but it would save a lot of resources just to have someone give me the history.”

“Funny story… As a kid I always answered ‘yes’ to a family history of heart disease, not understanding that that’s not how family history works and genetically, my father’s parents are not my bio grandparents (though obviously I loved them and they loved me like we were).”

“I also believed I got certain physical traits from my grandma, which again is not possible… LOL.”  ~ chronic_collette

“NTA – people have a right to know their genetic heritage.”

“Lying about adoption is linked to increased suicidal ideation, anxiety, and depression.”

“You put her safety and comfort ahead of your son’s preferences.”

“My grandparents helped my parents lie to me about my adoption, and not only have I never forgiven any of them, I’m still in therapy over all of it.”

“To answer some of the repeated nonsense here: parental rights do not have greater value than a child’s right to access comprehensive medical care, and hiding an adoption does precisely that.”

“Maybe some things, like a child staying healthy, should matter more than a parent’s right to lie, gaslight, and manipulate their child as they see fit.” ~ RemembrancerLirael

“I mean even at the most basic level, she needs to know in case her family medical history ever becomes relevant.”

“My parents told me I was adopted early on and gave me the medical info of my bio family, and it has been pretty relevant a few times in my life when I ended up in the hospital. NTA.” ~ EpicSven7

“The first 2 of the 4 kids in our family are adopted.”

“They were told as soon as our parents thought they could understand.”

“I don’t remember being told, but also don’t remember a time I didn’t know.”

“My sibs were told that if they ever wanted to find their birth families, our parents would help them.”

“Our brother wanted to find his birth family and did (they’re frickin awesome people).”

“Our oldest sister has never had any interest in finding her birth family, and Mom and Dad were fine with both decisions.”

“People have the right to know where they come from. NTA.” ~ crotchetyoldwitch

OP came back with a response…

“I have answered this multiple times.”

“They were on the other side of the country when she was born, and I met Lindsey when she was about 6 months old.”

“Really, not hard to hide the whole thing.”

“I am confused why a lot of Redditors are treating this like she is five and not 15.”

“All I did was buy it she did all the paperwork and shipped it. It’s not hard.”

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

You did what you thought was best for your granddaughter.

This is probably going to take a lot of time before healing begins.

Hopefully, you and Lindsey can find a way to stay connected.

Sounds like she needs you.

Good luck.