When Redditor “youreconfusing” gave birth to her son three years ago, her mother was overjoyed.
Perhaps a little too much.
The mother announced everything about the newborn on Facebook before the Original Poster (OP) had a chance to share the news herself.
Now pregnant with another child, the OP found herself reliving the same episode when her mother posted a photo of the baby scan online and revealed the name of the baby.
The OP decided it was time to do something, but what she had in mind could hurt mama’s feelings.
As she braces herself for the fallout, the OP asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) for leaving her “mom out of baby stuff.”
“I have a 3 year old son and when he was born, my mum took photos of us and then announced his birth and his name, weight etc on fb to all our family and friends, before I’d even been stitched up.”
“This reallyyyy annoyed me.”
The OP explained why her mother’s social media activity was an issue.
“I felt like it was our news to share and I hated the pictures she put on facebook of me straight after labour! I’m a very private person I rarely post pictures of my kids on social media and hardly ever post at all unless it’s a major life event or something.”
To make matters, worse, the mother took some liberties with information regarding the new addition to the family.
“Oh she also announced that my sons middle name was Henry (her dads name) which it isnt..”
It seems the mother is still up to her usual habits.
“Anyway fast forward and I’m due any day now with a little girl, I had a name picked out which she knew and shes again posted a photo of my babies scan and announced the name to everyone on facebook before my daughters even born!!”
“So now I’m thinking about choosing another name because shes ruined it, but this time I’m obviously not going to tell her until I announce it myself.”
“Also shes not going to be there when I give birth this time and I’m thinking of not telling her my daughter has been born until I’ve announced it myself.”
“I know this is gunna cause big arguments if I do this though, what do you think?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
“NTA. And frankly it’s pretty funny if you don’t mind a different name anyways.” – witcher252
The OP responded to the above comment:
“My partner thinks it will be hilarious to not tell her lol”
Redditors encouraged her to go ahead and rename her daughter.
“Absolutely NTA and please pick a new name and update us! I love that your partner is all in on this too.”
“I hope you find the perfect new name.” – rose_glass
“All of this! Not only NTA but you need to set some boundaries for your mom ….you’re having the baby, not her.”
“So based on her prior behavior she doesn’t get to be at the hospital, or get a chance to share the stats and NEW name before you.”
“This is what I’d do: get your own social media announcements ready to roll (whenever YOU want to, after baby arrives!) then call her, and say you wanted to let her know all the details first! Then hit ‘post’ the second after you tell her.” –
“If your partner is willing, definitely go for it! It’s your birth; it’s your baby; and in the end, what you want is more important than her need to crow about your child in social media.” – BaronessaXhen
Using fake names as a tactic to keep baby names private seemed to be a common ploy mentioned by other Redditors.
This person shared an anecdote about how they were able to keep their mother-in-law from spilling the beans.
“NTA. My MIL was the same way and tried to get in on naming our son. So we let her know that we’d picked a name already; Buford.”
“We fed her some bullsh*t that it was a family name on my side, going back to Ye Olde times in England and that it was a great honor to be allowed to name our son Buford.”
“We did not name our son Buford, but she STFU about the whole name thing.”
“We also didn’t tell anyone about his birth until a few days after. This was before the days of texting and Facebook though.” –
“We had names picked fairly early on, but told almost nobody.”
“We did tell them our carefully chosen fake names though. We have a Mc surname, so let’s say it’s McDonald.”
“We told people our boy name was Donald, so the poor kid would be Donald McDonald. We were dead serious. People were horrified.”
“Our fake girl name clashed with our surname in a really awkward tongue-twistery kinda way. It didn’t roll off the tongue nicely at all. People were horrified.”
“Naturally they were all really relieved when my son was born and he got a completely normal, non-horrific name.”
“I totally support the ‘fake name’ spreading method of getting people to not be nosy.” – squirrellytoday
In all seriousness, this person understood the OP’s frustration and advised her to refrain from sharing any important information with the mother in the future.
“At this point you should actually ask yourself whether not telling her about ANYTHING AT ALL that you hold dear might be the best thing for your mental health and your relationship.”
“Your mother proved time and time again that she can’t be trusted with whatever info you share with her, and despite you (as I assume) pleading with her not to do this crap again she.just.can’t.stop herself from attention seeking and ruining sh*t for you!”
“Cut the cord OP, and info diet her about everything you want to keep to yourself until you’re ready to share it with the rest of the world. otherwise you will have to do emergency crowd control over and over again because your mother simply doesn’t respect you, your partner or your wishes.”
“And that’s honestly not the kind of person you want to share secrets with. NTA, btw.” – soursheep
“NTA – this is YOUR baby, it’s absolutely your decision to do whatever it is you want to do in relation to announcements, names etc.”
“Now, having said that, your mum will likely be very upset at being left so completely out of the loop and I presume her reasons for posting all that stuff previously was because she was so excited and proud of the new arrival, not to steal all of your thunder?”
“That being the case, might you be able to have a heart to heart with her, explaining how upset you were before and ask her to respect the fact that you want to be the one to let everybody hear the news when it happens?” – alrightbrother
“You’re absolutely NTA, however, as you know, there’s probably gonna be a lot of backlash from her so just prepare yourselves for that.”
“I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and hope she doesn’t ruin it for you.” – sgdoherty
Baby names are no joke. And the Reddit concensus seems to be that while grandparents can be excited, they need to back off and follow the parents’ cues.