in , ,

Grieving Mom Balks After Brother-In-Law Buys Her Lingerie To ‘Motivate’ Her To Have Another Baby


Grief is an emotion so intimate and so precise to an individual’s existence it’s almost impossible to ever understand it, or properly explain it.

Which is why it’s shocking when people assume they know how to fix it.

No one can understand the depths of losing a child.

Case in point…

Redditor AITA123Throw wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for calling my brother an ‘inconsiderate, insecure, pompous *ick?'”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My brother and I are not very close.”

“I can tolerate him if need be, but I think he struggles in many social situations.”

“He can’t seem to read basic social cues and makes many inappropriate comments and jokes.”

“He has strong opinions about everything, jumps to unreasonable conclusions and never lets things go.”

“My wife and his wife have been friends for years.”

“My wife doesn’t like my brother much, but she is very polite and courteous towards him for the sake of my S[ister] I[n] L[aw].”

“My wife and I lost our 3-year-old son about a year ago.”

“His death was sudden and there is not a day that goes by where I don’t grieve him.”

“There will never come a day, hour, minute or second I’ll stop loving or thinking about my son.”

“In my family, talking about a dead child makes people uncomfortable and is almost treated as taboo.”

“I’m not too fond of this culture, and I have been candid about going to therapy, counseling sessions, support groups etc.”

“My wife and I started going to marriage therapy after the loss of our son.”

“My family believes that we are going to couples counseling because our marriage is failing or my wife isn’t satisfying me enough.'”

“This could not be further from the truth and I think it’s a bit disgusting and ridiculous.”

“My SIL invited my wife and I for a nice dinner at their place to celebrate my wife’s birthday.”

“Most of my family would be there and she promised us no drama and/or unnecessary comments.”

“We got there and it was nice at first.”

“Everyone was being respectful and I was having fun.”

“Near the end, a few people gave my wife small gifts.”

“We were planning to open them at home and react privately but my brother was very adamant about seeing my wife’s reaction to his gift.”

“He was so sure that he had the ‘best gift,’ and wanted my wife to open his gift in front of everyone.”

“Nothing could have prepared me for his present.”

“He gave her a baby’s romper meant for a newborn boy and an expensive set of lingerie.”

“I was so shocked.”

“When she looked at him, he laughed and said that it was to ‘motivate her to bring a spark back into the marriage.'”

“Everyone was speechless until my wife politely thanked everyone for coming and then left, leaving my brother’s gift.”

“I told my brother that the gift was wrong and incredibly inappropriate.”

“He started to get defensive and very aggressive so in anger, I called him an ‘inconsiderate, insecure, pompous *ick.'”

“My SIL (as well as a few other family members) told me that even if the gift was in bad taste, I shouldn’t have called him such names and ‘provoked him.'”

“I may be the AH for the unnecessary name-calling.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. The names you called your brother were the perfect description of his personality.”

“Cut off any personal contact with him until he apologizes to your wife.”

“I am truly sorry for your loss.”  ~ Awhkm

“OP I’m so very sorry for the loss of your son.”

‘Losing a child is so different than other forms of grief.”

“You and your wife are so smart for going to counseling.”

“Many marriages do not survive having a child with chronic medical problems (serious ones) or the loss of a child.”

“When I was still a bedside nurse I told all the parents to get to counseling because whether they knew it or not, they were in crisis mode.”

“Your brother is jerk and if we want to be charitable maybe he might have an underlying/undiagnosed issue for his missing social cues?”

“But even if that’s the case it’s not your problem and he needs to be learn to be nice or keep his mouth shut.”

“Your SIL and those who agreed you were harsh are also wrong: his tasteless gift towards your wife provoked you.”

“Ask SIL and Co how they would feel if you gifted them lingerie after the loss of a child?”

“They’d be hard pressed to not lose their poop either if it was happening to them.”

“I say go low contact with them too.”  ~ saurons-cataract

“Well considering your brother walked away with no broken bones or a concussion I’d say you’re better than most people.”

“Honestly you weren’t even that harsh with what you called him.”

“He wanted y’all to open it in that moment, he got an in the moment reaction.”

“NTA. I’d cut your SIL off too.”

“Cause if she is okay with her husband treating her good friend that way that’s also family she doesn’t respect your wife.”  ~ Bnmh95

“This is one of very few cases where resorting to name-calling doesn’t automatically cede the moral high ground in my eyes.”

“What your brother did was invasive, vicious, callous, and cruel.”

“He humiliated and objectified her with the lingerie, he belittled her grief and yours with the onesie, and seems to wish to erase the memory of your late son.”

“NTA, and I am sorry for your loss.”  ~ DeVitreousHumor

“If you ever need to purchase a gift for him, I think a butt plug might be appropriate, since he sees nothing wrong with humiliating them.”

“Why is it the WIFE’s issue to bring the spark back, if there was such an issue?”

“NTA, you were 100% right and he did it to humiliate your wife.”  ~ babcock27

“NTA. Finally found the quotes for you.”

“When we rescue other people from the consequences of their actions, we rob them of facing reality.”

“Reality is life’s wisest teacher.”

“I honestly think you handled the situation extremely well.”

“Please do not contain your (extremely reasonable) emotions simply due to the denial culture of your extended family.”

“Your brother’s repeated inappropriate behavior is inexcusable.”

“But your extended family keep enabling his behaviour, by holding everyone else responsible.”

“You are showing self respect by setting a boundary.”

“Adults are fully responsible for their behavior.”

“We can understand why people behave the way they do, WHILE NOT subjecting ourselves to their behavior.”

“I am so sorry for your loss, and hope the rest of your extended family finally wake up to reality.” ~ Winter_Faith

“NTA. That does sound like the best course to take.”

“If you are both at a family function ideally you and your wife can act as tho your brother does not exist.”

“Very sorry for your loss and I think going to therapy is a sound decision.” ~ 3Heathens_Mom

“I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine the how hard it’s been on you and your wife.”

“The things I’d like to say about your brother would get me banned.”

“He is astonishingly cruel.”

“I believe you were unbelievably restrained in what you said to him in response to the gift which was meant to embarrass and deeply hurt your wife with nothing but pure malice in his heart.

“He knew what he was doing.”

“I believe he enjoys seeing people hurt and reveled in causing your wife pain.”

“I am gobsmacked that anyone is defending this guy. NTA.” ~ Ema630

OP let us know…

“For my own peace of mind, I won’t be speaking to him for a long, long time.”

Reddit continued…

“I think that is the best choice.”

“And don’t be afraid to do the same to other family members who enable his shi**y behavior.”

“You and your wife have my sympathy.”

“What you’re going through is beyond awful.”

“And I hope the future brings some peace and comfort for you both.” ~ Goldilachs

“My heart goes out to you and your wife.”

“Lean on each other, and don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you overreacted.”

“They don’t even deserve to be in your orbit.”

“I know you think you reacted in the ‘worst way possible.'”

“But you handled that with restraint and fact that I’m not even sure a pacifist monk could have.”

“Seriously. Please give yourself some grace.”

“And warm tea, hot chocolate or whatever relaxes you.”

“You deserve it. So NTA.”  ~ eggrollin2200

“Brother needs to give an apology to both OP and his wife.”

“And I still doubt I’d be able to dig up forgiveness.”

“To lose a child and have it dismissed?”

“To not understand that it takes a toll of such depth of sorrow from the parents–the only kind of person who does that is depraved to his soul.” ~ PickleNotaBigDill

Well OP, you have an arduous situation before you.

Reddit is here for you and the Mrs.

So, so sorry for your loss.

Good luck to you both.